Hi @annielou
I have been following your thread for a while and I don't know how you have managed everything you do as my dad would say on one of his good days you are a Gem.
My dad has mixed dementia Vascular and Alzeimers he was officially diagnosed in early 2018. It was obvious something was wrong in 2016 possibly before that but mum was still alive and living with him so I didn't see them quite as much whereas now see dad 4-5 afternoons a week.
Please try and get the LPA done it will be so valuable when trying to help mum with her finances. Like you initially things were managed quite successfully as dad was able to give his permission for others to talk to us such as home contents insurer, Sky TV which we eventually had cut off as dad became unable to operate the box so paying for a service he couldn't use however we knew eventually it would become harder to deal with things.
My sister and I are Attorneys Jointly and Severally for dad before he signed his document we had chatted to him about it a few times previously and on the day. Dads GP was the Certificate Provider at a cost as done in his own time as wasn't a service provided by NHS. Would your mum accept the GP being a Certificate Provider or has GP already said they won't do?
The guy at the Memory Clinic had also mentioned it briefly when he gave dad the news he had dementia which he didn't really take in or particularly understand anyway. Guy still felt dad had capacity to do the LPA.
I think you need to try and do the forms and catch mum on a good day/moment as that is all it takes if she doesn't recall signing it later it doesn't matter.
My dad doesn't like to think anyone has control of his money and is not keen to show his Bank Statement which we arranged for him to receive ( they had stopped sending it ) so that he can look if he wants to check anything.
Despite dad knowing how much sister and I give him support along with his 4 x daily care visits he can view us with suspicion which is hurtful. I don't necessarily mean to do with money but just going upstairs to check for washing or his bathroom being clean etc. he will shout out what are you doing its so frustrating.
Sister and I both have a Bank Card with POA on it and to be honest its only been in the last 3 months that I have used his card for his shopping as he barely goes out due to his double incontinence now.and it saves one of us taking him to get cash to pay back his shopping costs.. Dad also has no idea at any time how much cash he has and sister has had to take him to cash point to stop an argument as he's convinced he has none. (Not true as he still has £180 according to sister in wallet )
We don't particularly discuss money with him but just explain a few things come out of his account automatically such as Utility Bills his Wiltshire meals and shop.
Dad will still say how much do I owe you when I take his shopping round so I have to keep saying it is paid for he say's Oh you are so good to me as he thinks I have paid for it out of my money so I do correct him on that. I keep the receipts in a book should anyone want to see them but your not talking lots of money just bits and bobs for shopping.
Dad lives in a Council House so he doesn't have too much regards us dealing with his finances he only has the one Bank Account which his Pensions and AA allowance go into so its not complicated as no other accounts to deal with.
I can imagine how many issues could crop up by not having a LPA if someone had a more complicated situation such as owning a home etc.
I don't think in-laws could be a Certificate Provider as per @Woohoo suggestion as they are still related too closely to your mum but will stand corrected if I'm wrong. I understand how difficult it must be but perhaps you need to be a little firmer with mum?
When we spoke with dad we did put the emphasis of the fact that we wouldn't be able to help him in the future as it would be illegal for us to do so.
Dad forgot his PIN a long time ago and would pass me his card in the shop luckily they knew dad well as he had shopped there for years when mum was alive but it got to the point we knew we would have to get a LPA done.
I know you are all trying your best and I hope you manage to get it done.
I too end up doing long posts so you are not the only one .
Its nice to have a ramble and get things off your chest.
I sometimes think have I said the wrong thing, expressed the wrong emotion or come over as selfish in my posts as I have moaned about the bad relationship I have with my sister ( see I mentioned her again ) but I think well no one knows me so perhaps its OK it helps to vent.
I have been following your thread for a while and I don't know how you have managed everything you do as my dad would say on one of his good days you are a Gem.
My dad has mixed dementia Vascular and Alzeimers he was officially diagnosed in early 2018. It was obvious something was wrong in 2016 possibly before that but mum was still alive and living with him so I didn't see them quite as much whereas now see dad 4-5 afternoons a week.
Please try and get the LPA done it will be so valuable when trying to help mum with her finances. Like you initially things were managed quite successfully as dad was able to give his permission for others to talk to us such as home contents insurer, Sky TV which we eventually had cut off as dad became unable to operate the box so paying for a service he couldn't use however we knew eventually it would become harder to deal with things.
My sister and I are Attorneys Jointly and Severally for dad before he signed his document we had chatted to him about it a few times previously and on the day. Dads GP was the Certificate Provider at a cost as done in his own time as wasn't a service provided by NHS. Would your mum accept the GP being a Certificate Provider or has GP already said they won't do?
The guy at the Memory Clinic had also mentioned it briefly when he gave dad the news he had dementia which he didn't really take in or particularly understand anyway. Guy still felt dad had capacity to do the LPA.
I think you need to try and do the forms and catch mum on a good day/moment as that is all it takes if she doesn't recall signing it later it doesn't matter.
My dad doesn't like to think anyone has control of his money and is not keen to show his Bank Statement which we arranged for him to receive ( they had stopped sending it ) so that he can look if he wants to check anything.
Despite dad knowing how much sister and I give him support along with his 4 x daily care visits he can view us with suspicion which is hurtful. I don't necessarily mean to do with money but just going upstairs to check for washing or his bathroom being clean etc. he will shout out what are you doing its so frustrating.
Sister and I both have a Bank Card with POA on it and to be honest its only been in the last 3 months that I have used his card for his shopping as he barely goes out due to his double incontinence now.and it saves one of us taking him to get cash to pay back his shopping costs.. Dad also has no idea at any time how much cash he has and sister has had to take him to cash point to stop an argument as he's convinced he has none. (Not true as he still has £180 according to sister in wallet )
We don't particularly discuss money with him but just explain a few things come out of his account automatically such as Utility Bills his Wiltshire meals and shop.
Dad will still say how much do I owe you when I take his shopping round so I have to keep saying it is paid for he say's Oh you are so good to me as he thinks I have paid for it out of my money so I do correct him on that. I keep the receipts in a book should anyone want to see them but your not talking lots of money just bits and bobs for shopping.
Dad lives in a Council House so he doesn't have too much regards us dealing with his finances he only has the one Bank Account which his Pensions and AA allowance go into so its not complicated as no other accounts to deal with.
I can imagine how many issues could crop up by not having a LPA if someone had a more complicated situation such as owning a home etc.
I don't think in-laws could be a Certificate Provider as per @Woohoo suggestion as they are still related too closely to your mum but will stand corrected if I'm wrong. I understand how difficult it must be but perhaps you need to be a little firmer with mum?
When we spoke with dad we did put the emphasis of the fact that we wouldn't be able to help him in the future as it would be illegal for us to do so.
Dad forgot his PIN a long time ago and would pass me his card in the shop luckily they knew dad well as he had shopped there for years when mum was alive but it got to the point we knew we would have to get a LPA done.
I know you are all trying your best and I hope you manage to get it done.
I too end up doing long posts so you are not the only one .
Its nice to have a ramble and get things off your chest.
I sometimes think have I said the wrong thing, expressed the wrong emotion or come over as selfish in my posts as I have moaned about the bad relationship I have with my sister ( see I mentioned her again ) but I think well no one knows me so perhaps its OK it helps to vent.