Thinking of you all tomorrow afternoon. At least the carer saw the dark side and imagine it took 3of you to calm her. That’s a full team, normally you are on your own so you would have been in a right state trying to calm her.
Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!
- Thread starter annielou
- Start date
Thank you for replies and all the support you've given to me. I can't say how much I appreciate it but please know that I really really do. I will try to remember all your support tomorrow when SW is there and I'm finding it tough.
I looked at last 2 assessments tonight and there was list of things being assessed and then I tried to write somethings down about each and also about mums emotional well being as I think that's the most important thing. Unfortunately as I'm a rambler it turned out quite long but it gave me chance to hopefully refresh some things in my mind before tomorrow and I'll look at it in morning again before going to mums. Its a shame there won't be time to talk to sis beforehand to see what each other thinks but as she goes a lot on what I message her about I think we'll be same anyway.
Sis did a summary at end of referral she submitted online that gave brief details of reasons we thought mum needed new assessment and more care so that is like sending list of bullet points I think. I assume like other two she will work her way through questions and make notes ready to summarise and input on assessment form later. So she will ask mum, and then maybe us, questions about how she does things and help she needs to do them. Depending on how she asks and what mums says will have an effect on what we say but I think we have idea what we want to tell her. MC suggested if we found it hard to say some things in front of mum then to say so and suggest calling or emailing them later.
After trying to talk to carer for few minutes away from mum today and way mum reacted I think trying the same thing with SW would have same sort of effect and mean we'd never finish assessment, I can't see SW sitting there for over 1/2 an hour while we try to calm mum down and even if she did mum would not participate afterwards. It would give them an idea of how agitated mum can get but we'd still have to go through with it at later date then and I just want to get it done as soon as possible.
I hope it doesn't sound like I am making excuses but trying to talk in private before, during, or after assessment, or passing papers is really not possible with mum. Things will probably be hard enough anyway and I don't want to make it harder and risk assessment not getting done. I have tried things like this in past and it has never worked and gone well. So we'll just have to try remember what we want to say as we go along. Least we will both have had a think about it tonight and tried refresh it in our minds.
I am going to look at my notes and @DianeW s note again in morning. And I will try to focus on mum needs help and support and I'm not able to give her what she needs now. Partly because it's not possible for one person to do and partly because even it was, mum not knowing me a lot of the time makes her more distressed and hard to provide the care she needs.
Once again thank you so much for all your help. I really do appreciate it. I don't know where I would be without having somewhere to put my thought fears and feelings down and the people on heres support I told MC that when she rang a fortnight ago.
I looked at last 2 assessments tonight and there was list of things being assessed and then I tried to write somethings down about each and also about mums emotional well being as I think that's the most important thing. Unfortunately as I'm a rambler it turned out quite long but it gave me chance to hopefully refresh some things in my mind before tomorrow and I'll look at it in morning again before going to mums. Its a shame there won't be time to talk to sis beforehand to see what each other thinks but as she goes a lot on what I message her about I think we'll be same anyway.
Sis did a summary at end of referral she submitted online that gave brief details of reasons we thought mum needed new assessment and more care so that is like sending list of bullet points I think. I assume like other two she will work her way through questions and make notes ready to summarise and input on assessment form later. So she will ask mum, and then maybe us, questions about how she does things and help she needs to do them. Depending on how she asks and what mums says will have an effect on what we say but I think we have idea what we want to tell her. MC suggested if we found it hard to say some things in front of mum then to say so and suggest calling or emailing them later.
After trying to talk to carer for few minutes away from mum today and way mum reacted I think trying the same thing with SW would have same sort of effect and mean we'd never finish assessment, I can't see SW sitting there for over 1/2 an hour while we try to calm mum down and even if she did mum would not participate afterwards. It would give them an idea of how agitated mum can get but we'd still have to go through with it at later date then and I just want to get it done as soon as possible.
I hope it doesn't sound like I am making excuses but trying to talk in private before, during, or after assessment, or passing papers is really not possible with mum. Things will probably be hard enough anyway and I don't want to make it harder and risk assessment not getting done. I have tried things like this in past and it has never worked and gone well. So we'll just have to try remember what we want to say as we go along. Least we will both have had a think about it tonight and tried refresh it in our minds.
I am going to look at my notes and @DianeW s note again in morning. And I will try to focus on mum needs help and support and I'm not able to give her what she needs now. Partly because it's not possible for one person to do and partly because even it was, mum not knowing me a lot of the time makes her more distressed and hard to provide the care she needs.
Once again thank you so much for all your help. I really do appreciate it. I don't know where I would be without having somewhere to put my thought fears and feelings down and the people on heres support I told MC that when she rang a fortnight ago.
I wouldnt worry about this - I suspect that if it happened it would become the assessment. it would certainly focus the SWs mind and reinforce everything that you have said.
I don't often comment, but read your posts. This has been such a tough time for you, I am thinking of you. I agree with the above - if they see how anxious she is, that should strengthen your case.
I hope it goes as well as it can and you get more help.
I hope it goes as well as it can and you get more help.
Thank you so much.xxxx
My sister just rung to say her car has broke down, her gears seem to have gone she's stuck in a car park almost an hour from home. RAC will come tow her car but can't a do anything with gears so will just tow her to garage and it will be around 3 hours before they arrive due to reduced staff. Shes really upset as she cant get here now. She's stuck in a car park on her own bless her.
What a start to the day
My sister just rung to say her car has broke down, her gears seem to have gone she's stuck in a car park almost an hour from home. RAC will come tow her car but can't a do anything with gears so will just tow her to garage and it will be around 3 hours before they arrive due to reduced staff. Shes really upset as she cant get here now. She's stuck in a car park on her own bless her.
What a start to the day
It never rains, but it pours! today of all days! Never mind, you can do this! Just tell the SS everything and don’t hold back, even if Mum gets upset with you.
QUOTE="annielou, post: 1733327, member: 82249"]
Thank you so much.xxxx
My sister just rung to say her car has broke down, her gears seem to have gone she's stuck in a car park almost an hour from home. RAC will come tow her car but can't a do anything with gears so will just tow her to garage and it will be around 3 hours before they arrive due to reduced staff. Shes really upset as she cant get here now. She's stuck in a car park on her own bless her.
What a start to the day
[/QUOTE]
QUOTE="annielou, post: 1733327, member: 82249"]
Thank you so much.xxxx
My sister just rung to say her car has broke down, her gears seem to have gone she's stuck in a car park almost an hour from home. RAC will come tow her car but can't a do anything with gears so will just tow her to garage and it will be around 3 hours before they arrive due to reduced staff. Shes really upset as she cant get here now. She's stuck in a car park on her own bless her.
What a start to the day
[/QUOTE]
So, that’s something to add to the SW assessment. The only support is some hours away and problems do happen, look at today.
Remember it is not your fault you do a brilliant job it’s just mums health problem.
Good luck
Remember it is not your fault you do a brilliant job it’s just mums health problem.
Good luck
Very good point there @Starting on a journey , @annielou , you can do this by yourself as you deal with it all by yourself all day every day anyway . Hope you are feeling all the strength and support sent to you , we are right behind you . Good luck . Xx
It's surprising how often good things come wrapped in bad packages. Trust this one to fate. Good luck @annielou .
Hope today was ok and you were able to speak to social worker and they understood, and that things are ok with you an Mum after the visit....been thinking of you all afternoon.
Tomorrow is a new day x
Tomorrow is a new day x
What a crappy day. Basically mum kicked off part way through assessment and so I didn't get chance to say much. Mum fine at first and told her she's fine and manages fine and then turned nasty when I said different and mum wanted us both leave. SW tried to talk to mum about 24hr care and carers but mum was having none of it. SW told me that they can't force mum to go in a home so unless mum agrees she will have to show evidence to get a court order to make mum go in one and at minute there isn't enough evidence for that. She said she will keep case open and contact memory team to see if can get any medical evidence and also mums lifeline provider for report of if mum opening doors late at night to see if enough to say not safe at night. But mum has no evidence of self neglect so can't do it on that. In cases like mum they would usually try respite route and when mum there speak to them and say do you like it here, people doing everything for you, people around all the time, and your family coming to visit and then say wouldn't you like to stay and that quite often works but as mum is so adamant won't try it they can't force her.
It seemed like she did sort of understand the situation, she tried to convince mum I was her daughter when she was there as mum thought I wasn't and tried to tell mum to be nice to me as I did lot for her and loved her. As she left mum wanted me to go to and came to lock up while I was talking to SW at door so SW waited outside till I managed to get past mum back inside and also sat in car for a while after too. I did have to leave after a while as couldn't calm mum down. SW rang me about an hour after she had gone out of mums. I told her I'd had to leave. She told me she had spoke to manager and tried explain procedure of getting court order if mum wouldn't agree and told me not enough evidence to get one now, that's when she told me going to contact MC and lifeline people see if any there and to let her no of incidents that may count as evidence not safe.
Mum rang me about hour after I left her and said she was sorry for shouting at me and then asked me if I was ok and when I said not really she said why? I told it was upsetting being shouted at and hubby had missed 3/4's of an hour of work to pick me up and would have to work late now and she hung up. I wasn't saying it nasty but I was upset and wanted her to know, don't know why really, but once I'd told her I would have been ok with her after but she hung up. I rang her back couple of times but didn't answer. She rang me bout 3/4s an hour later say she'd been weeding and was sweating and was all chatty as if everything was fine. She said sorry again then asked when she'd see me so I said I'd go back later after hubby finished work and do our dinner. She said she was ok but I said I'd go. She rang back half hour later tell me her thumb had locked and then asked when she'd see me and when i said I'm coming back later to do dinner she said didn't know, she wouldn't have bothered me if knew going back later and she'd see me then. She was fine when we went back at dinnertime. Said a few times on phone and when there I didn't have to go do dinner she could manage and was fine and I didn't have to do it everyday. She was fine when we left about half seven and I said I'd see her tomorrow.
It seemed like she did sort of understand the situation, she tried to convince mum I was her daughter when she was there as mum thought I wasn't and tried to tell mum to be nice to me as I did lot for her and loved her. As she left mum wanted me to go to and came to lock up while I was talking to SW at door so SW waited outside till I managed to get past mum back inside and also sat in car for a while after too. I did have to leave after a while as couldn't calm mum down. SW rang me about an hour after she had gone out of mums. I told her I'd had to leave. She told me she had spoke to manager and tried explain procedure of getting court order if mum wouldn't agree and told me not enough evidence to get one now, that's when she told me going to contact MC and lifeline people see if any there and to let her no of incidents that may count as evidence not safe.
Mum rang me about hour after I left her and said she was sorry for shouting at me and then asked me if I was ok and when I said not really she said why? I told it was upsetting being shouted at and hubby had missed 3/4's of an hour of work to pick me up and would have to work late now and she hung up. I wasn't saying it nasty but I was upset and wanted her to know, don't know why really, but once I'd told her I would have been ok with her after but she hung up. I rang her back couple of times but didn't answer. She rang me bout 3/4s an hour later say she'd been weeding and was sweating and was all chatty as if everything was fine. She said sorry again then asked when she'd see me so I said I'd go back later after hubby finished work and do our dinner. She said she was ok but I said I'd go. She rang back half hour later tell me her thumb had locked and then asked when she'd see me and when i said I'm coming back later to do dinner she said didn't know, she wouldn't have bothered me if knew going back later and she'd see me then. She was fine when we went back at dinnertime. Said a few times on phone and when there I didn't have to go do dinner she could manage and was fine and I didn't have to do it everyday. She was fine when we left about half seven and I said I'd see her tomorrow.