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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Well today's not going great so far. Mum is at her house on her own and hubby and I are back home after dropping shopping off and giving her sertraline tablets and are now on tenterhooks wondering what to do next and when we'll have to go back to mums. I've just ben sat here stewing on things and Hubby took some gaviscon and went for a lie down as he's in pain again with indigestion/heartburn type pain which pretty sure is stress related as he's not happy about how today is going bless him. So I don't want to ring mum yet in case hubby asleep and I have to wake him to take me back and upset him but I don't want to leave it too late for mums lunch.
Mum was fine on phone to my sister this morning, had bit of a chat, told sis been to DRs yesterday and took more blood but then she started to slip a bit. She told sis she thought she'd seen dad wanting to come in house on wednesday but it couldn't be him cos he's dead but she was laughing about it. Then she told sis she'd stopped 'friend' coming cos mum only got her pension and 'friend' kept staying for dinner and she never did owt, if mum was cleaning 'friend' would just come and sit down. Then after that said no one had seen 'friend' for ages, named my hubby and said he's got someone else now so maybe 'friend' gone off with W (my dad) she was always after him and mum didn't know why cos he was useless. Mum told sis she might do some weeding this morning then come to mine and she was off to get in shower. She'd had a great sleep and not got up till after 8.
It didn't sound too bad a start but then mum rang me just before I was going to ring her to say setting off over. I said hello mum and mum said Where were you all day yesterday! I said I was with you mum most of the day. Mum said And where was that? I said I came to yours in morning and we went to DRs in afternoon then we went back to yours and I made dinner and left a bit after 7. Mum said Oh I'm sorry love I'm so sorry I thought you'd not been I thought it was someone else took me to hospital and you'd not been but it was DRs weren't it and you took me Oh I am sorry I'm mental. I told her she wasn't just sometimes forgot bits it didn't matter and then tried change subject. Mum went over hubby coming and a few bits and said she was sorry again but then I manged to get he off subject and told her I had just been going to ring her cos we were going to pick click & collect up and go over. Mum said Oh lovely and asked if she could come to mine and I said course she could. Mum told me she loved me and I said loved her and then we were saying bye ready to hang up when mum said Did our Andrea not come with me yesterday though? I said I am Andrea mum I did come with you. Oh am I talking to our Andrea I said yes and mum said oh ok sorry love. I said no worries I'll see you in bout 3/4 an hour. We said bye but mum must have just put phone down without hanging up, I always wait to hang up till hear dial tone as she forgets sometimes. I was saying mum you've not put phone down and in between I could hear mum say So our Andrea is with -(hubby) now , I thought -(hubby) was with someone else. I shouted mum you've not hung up and she pressed button and hung up.
Mum rang my mobile just over 10 minutes later. Said she wasn't going to come today she'd got upset tummy. I asked when that had happened and she said she went once this morning and thought that was it but had just got cup of tea and gone again and was diarrhoea. So she better not come to my house cos she didn't want to be going there in front of hubby so she'd see me another day. I told her we were just on way to tesco and so we'd drop shopping off and give her her tablets and why didn't we see how she was then cos sometimes she goes once and that's it and feels better a bit after so mum said Oh ok then we'll do that.
When we got there she said hello but looked subdued. After took shopping in kitchen I washed my hands and took mum water and tablets. She said I don't know if should take these, I told her they didn't affect her tummy and she had take them every day. Then she said her usual she's been saying for last month since dose increased, I only have one don't I? I said no you have two now mum. She took them asked how much shopping was and then said I'm not being nasty but I don't want you to stay. I don't want to be going to toilet in front of -(hubby) I said Ok hubby can go home and I can just stay cos you're alright with me here and she said No you go as well I don't want anybody here am ok on my own. I said I'll go if you really want but I'll come back later to bring your tablet and make you something to eat. She made usual suggestion of just leave tablet on fireplace and I'll take it. I said I can't do that mum but let's not argue about it I'll just come back later and mum said Ok.
I went in kitchen and wiped shopping with hubby and put it away and then when we went back in room mum paid for shopping and said I want yer to go now am alright on my own. I offered to stay and mum said no cos she might go to sleep. I asked why, was she tired? and she said she'd been up cos of diarrhoea. I said you didn't start with it till half hour ago mum and she said Oh didn't I start last night? I said don't think so and told her she'd told sis she had great sleep and was coming to mine and had rung me bout half ten and asked to come to mine and then rang about half hour ago to say just been loo. Mum said Oh right. So I said Shall I stay for bit and see if you feel better soon and hubby can take our shopping home and if you feel better he can come back for us or I can stay here with you. Mum said No I want you both go I'm alright on my own. I said Are you sure, and mum said she was, so i said Ok I'll go now then but I'll ring you in an hour see how you are and I'll come back and fetch your tablet when you have something to eat. Mum said it's nearly lunch time now. So I said Do you want your lunch now? Mum said No but you don't have come back just leave tablet and I'll do it. I said I can't mum but I don't mind coming back later and she got snappy then and said I can take a bloody tablet just leave it on there and go. I said I'm not arguing about it mum I'm not wanting to upset you I'll just come give you tablet with your lunch and if you want I'll go again straight after. Mum said JUST GO and leave me my tablet. I said OK mum sorry I'll go. She shouted Give me my tablets.
So I told her I wasn't leaving them cos she can't take it herself, which mum said she could, I said mum even when I give it you as your about to have lunch and say take that when finished your sandwich with some water you forget all about it by time eaten lunch. I had tried it every day bar friday this week just to see how she fared and she forgot it everytime, including one day when she was got up to go in kitchen with plate to empty crusts and crisp packet in bin and fetch a biscuit and she had left tablet on plate so it would have gone in bin if I had not reminded her it was there. So I daren't leave her with it to take on her own. Mum said I was talking rubbish and just go. I said Ok I'll see you later. Mum said I don't want you to come back today, I said I have to but I'll not stay if you don't want. Mum said I'll lock you out so just give me my tablets. I said I can't leave them mum but I don't want to upset you so I'll go and I'll see you later. Mum shouted Just bloody go and don't come back later.
I was annoyed and frustrated cos I don't want to spend day going back and forth dragging hubby out to drive me so said I'm not trying to upset you mum I'm trying look after you but I don't want to go all way home to come back later, mum said don't come back later then I don't want you to. I said No but I'll have to, I know what'll happen cos it keeps happening you say want to see me and want to come to my house then I turn up you don't want to come and don't want to see me and then later you'll be upset cos think I've not been and want to see me. Mum said she wouldn't and didn't so Just bloody go . So I said Ok and we left.
And I was really annoyed at myself for trying to explain and reason and telling mum what happens as she won't understand and she was just het up and on her own now and won't remember why not there just that I'm not and she's annoyed at me.
Hubby has just come down and is feeling bit better now so going to ring mum and see how is. If she's already eaten or won't let me go back for lunch her galantamine will have to wait till dinner time again. I just feel dread ringing wondering how she'll be and how rest of day will go.
Today is hubby and I's 28th wedding anniversary what a way to spend it poor hubby must wonder why the hell he married me lately.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Mood definitely affects blood pressure . The wording was good about washing etc , how on earth can SW say she has decided not to ! :rolleyes: That’s ridiculous , suggests she has a lot to learn about Dementia, maybe she should join this forum and educate herself .
Yep. She said same thing about cleaning. Sis thought maybe she was just trying keep on mums good side so she carried on Talking to her but had noted it how I said, but in report she didn’t really put it like agreed with me and din’t put it was problem. Though mornin visit was to include prompt to get ready on morning as well as give tablets
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Back off to mums, rang her n she’s all hello love are u ok. Happy as larry. Just had lunch and doing puzzles. Asked if had mine I said no not yet. Oh do you want me to make you some? 🙄 no its ok. I asked how long since had her lunch and said she was just finishing it. I thought migjt be able to still take galantamine if went straight away especially if got her to have a biscuit before it. Mum said Are you coming over? I said yes. Mum said You don’t have to I’m ok. I said I’ll bring your tablet should have had with lunch. Are you mad at me? No mum I’m fine I’ll see you soon. Is hubby coming? I said he’s just dropping me off. Ok. Said see her soon and we hung up. Think I heard her say Love you lots as was hanging up.
So afternoon at mums for me and afternoon at home on his own for hubby which is marginally better than him spending afternoon at mums but not much bless him
 
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Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
I think your right, don’t worry about explaining , I would just say ok I will leave tablets here , and don’t. I would try not to remind her she forgets , as maybe it’s that that’s making her annoyed . I also wouldn’t worry if she misses the odd tablet here and there , in the grand scheme of things a coulee here and there aren’t going to make much difference .
Happy Anniversary to you both 🍾🥂💕🌺 I’m sorry you aren’t spending it doing something nice . Our Anniversary was the same . Hubby’s pain does sound stress related, not surprising really . Hope the afternoon /eve goes ok. If it goes downhill, keep calm, don’t explain and come home .🤗
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,690
Happy Anniversary. I hope you get to have some quality time together tonight.
I find the way the PWD can switch between being very cross to very happy very confusing. I never knew which version of mum I was going to get.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,552
Bedford
Happy Anniversary. I too hope this evening has been better for you and maybe you have managed to get some time together.
I do sort of agree with @Woo2 that the odd missed tablet would not really hurt but I know you do worry about them
I hope you get a good day tomorrow
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Thanks @Woo2 @canary @Sarasa @Bikerbeth xxxx It didn't get better it got worse.
When I arrived back mum was fine, made cup of tea and gave her biscuit so could have her tablet. Mum said I've been sat doing puzzles all day, well since a bit after I got up, I just sat here doing puzzles cos he went out. Then went back to her puzzle.
Few minutes later said I came in and he went out, I thought well it's me that's always done things for this bloody house not him so he can go. Went back to puzzle again.
Minute later said it again and added I thought yer can please yersen cos I'm stopping here, that's if I can afford it. Then back to puzzle
After she finished she read tv times twice and read same bits out without realising including her stars twice. Stars were about housework and mum said Well I'll have to clean it cos he's been in on his own and he won't have, mind you he might not have been in on his own he could have had another woman in. He hasn't been in my bed though cos it's only a single, but he's gone now and I don't even know what happened. :oops:
She was ok for a bit, put tv on and chatted about it. About 20 past 3 she said Where's our Andrea gone? She came earlier didn't she and hubby came? I said I'm here mum I'm Andrea. Hubby came this morning when brought shopping but he's home now. Minute later she said Do I owe you for my shopping 'friend'? I said No mum you paid earlier. She sat a minute then went and put pots in sink, came back and said I'm always putting pots in sink and nobody thinks to wash up, they're not all my pots. I thought she meant me so said I'll do them, I offer everyday but you always say no you'll do them. I don't mind doing them. Mum said You don't come to wash up. I said Who then? Mum said I mean Him (my dad) he never washes bloody up.
For the next hour and half she kept saying dad had been there but gone when she came. I kept chatting about things on tv and she'd watch it for few minutes,but then go back to dad.I mentioned some eyebrows on tv and mum said W's dads used to be thick and stick out, well he can't go to his mum and dads cos they've sold house now. She also kept asking Where's our Andrea gone, she was here earlier and telling me I wasn't her when I said I was. About 5 she asked again, I said I was here and mum got grumpy when she told me I wasn't her daughter, then sat quiet and kept sighing.
Hubby text about 10 minutes later asking about coming for dinner and as mums tummy had been rumbling a bit I told her bout text and asked if she wanted it. She said Didn't really fancy owt. I said I can make something else and mum said I'm not bothered you go home and have yours I'll get something later I'm not bothered yet. I said you're tummys just been rumbling. Mum said I'm tired 'friend' I just want to go to sleep. She had nodded for a few minutes earlier so I asked if feeling ok and she said Just tired and want to go to bed.
After a few minutes of saying you go home and have yours, I'm not bothered, I'm tired, want go bed and be on my own, I text Hubby, to come fetch me as I thought it was better if I went home I seemed to be upsetting mum being there. Mum said I don't know what we've got to eat anyway I don't think I have anything in. I said I did your shopping this morning Shall I go look what got. Mum said No I just want to go to bed, you go home. I told mum hubby was coming for me so I'd go when came if she wanted.
We had another go of Where's our Andrea, you're not our Andrea. I thought if I left mum wouldn't get anything to eat, would get upset, lonely and think she could ring our Andrea to come. I didn't want that as still might not believe me and hubby had already been back and forth earlier so I tried to get her to let me stay and make her something to eat but she said she would get a sandwich or something later and just wanted me to go, she was more annoyed
She went to bedroom and laid on bed sobbing. I went in asked why she was so upset and mum said she wanted W and had no one. I said she had me. Mum said It's not same I want W. Kept sobbing and saying I want W. I tried say he was rubbish anyway, hadn't had him for years, she had me, but she kept saying W had been here till christmas and she wanted him back. She told me to go away cos she wanted him not me cos she was on her own all time and had no one. I told her sorry she couldn't have him but I was here she had me I came see her everyday. She said you're no good you're only my friend Where's our Andrea?
For 10 minutes mum was sobbing saying wanted dad. I told again her she didn't really, he was rubbish anyway etc I thought it might snap her out of wanting dad as it has a couple of times before, but it didn't she just kept crying and snapping I was wrong. I was a bit grumpy cos kept interrupting me and bit frustrated which I feel bad for. Mum said He's better than nothing cos I've got no one. I said He's not mum you've got me I'm here every day with you mum. Mum shouted I'm not your MUM, I've not got a bloody mum. I said I know and that's sad but you're my mum and I love you lots. Please don't cry mum cos I'm here for you. She said I wasn't me again. I said Well whoever you think I am I'm here I come everyday, I'm not hurting you so let me stay. She said I don't want you I just want you to go and let me go to sleep. I said Ok I'm sorry, please stop crying I don't want you to be upset. Mum said That's up to me.
She asked again where I was and wouldn't believe I was me. In frustration I said why are you asking me if you don't believe me. Mum just said Well where is she, she was here earlier. I said I'm here mum you just don't recognise me, she said I wasn't her again and I asked why, what did Andrea look like and mum said a bit like you. I said how old is she? mum didn't know, so I said Well I could be her then couldn't I mum. I tried smiling hoping to calm things down but she said No You're my friend, just go away.
I went to sit on sofa, hubby came a minute later, then mum came out and sat on sofa. She didn't speak at first and then asked Are you going now? I asked if wanted me make her some dinner first but mum said No, Where's our Andrea? I said I'm Andrea mum and she shook her head, I said I know you don't believe me mum and I'm sorry. She asked again, I said I can't answer you in way that makes sense to you mum I'm sorry. I was totally lost what to say. Mum asked hubby is that our Andrea and he said yes, she stared at me then turned and sat in silence for bit, I thought she may be calming down a bit. But she said Are you going home? I asked if she wanted us to and she said yes. I asked if she wanted me make her something to eat before I left, No. I went to check back door and she asked hubby who I was, then said And you're married to our Andrea? Hubby said yes, mum asked if he was - (his name) he said Yes. Mum said Oh.
I waited a minute to see if going to let us stay but she said again You're not our Andrea. I said I am mum but it's ok if you don't believe me I know it doesn't make sense and I'm sorry it's upset you. After another couple of minutes of who I was, mum said she wanted us to go so I said ok. I told her she could ring me if needed me and what I'm in book under, I love her lots and see her tomorrow.
Mum rang about 10 minutes after, have you been to my house today? Told her we just left, said Thought was 'friend' I said I know. Did you have green coat on? Yes. Oh thought you were someone else I'm sorry love. I said it's ok. But you don't come to see me why? I've just left mum. I haven't seen you. I've been there this afternoon mum and this morning and I only left you ten minutes ago. Oh I'm sorry I thought it was her who comes to my house, why didn't you stay with me, I did mum but you wanted me to leave. Did I, I didn't know it was you. I know mum. Will I see you sometime. I said Yes I come every day mum. Do you? Yes mum. But you've not been today. I have mum I came twice today but you asked me to leave cos didn't know who I was. I thought it was her who comes to my house, What's she called? I said Its me who comes mum. Not you that other one my 'friend' I said 'friends' name and mum said she'd been but our Andrea hadn't. I said I have mum I've been there a few hours and I left about ten minutes ago. Why? You asked me to cos you said you were tired and didn't know who I was. She said Sorry and I said Its ok I know you don't do it on purpose but I don't know best thing to do. She said again Thought someone else. I said I know and asked if she was ok or did she want me to go back. Mum said No so I asked which one and she said No I don't want you to come back, I said Are you going to be ok and she said I don't know. I said I can come back now, but mum said no its ok I'll see you later and then we hung up.
Hubby got tense while I was on phone and he was in pain again so went and lay down on sofa when we got in totally fed up bless him. 10 minutes after got in mum rang my mobile again. I said hello and mum said I don't want you coming to my house ever again You didn't even tell me you were going to live with hubby you just left. I said mum I've been married 28 years and lived with him since we got married, you knew I was moving out, you came to my wedding and you've been coming to my house nearly every weekend since. Mum hung up.
That was about 20 past 6. I'm hoping she calmed and settled down and forgot it all now, but I've been on tenterhooks ever since. Hubby said his pains had gone off a lot so we had some weetabix for dinner about 1/2 8 as neither of us felt like much, then we've half watched a bit of tv and I wrote this long post to get it off my chest before bed.
 

Melles Belles

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
449
South east
I’ve been reading your thread and I’m sending you virtual hugs. What a stressful day for you all. Hopefully your mum will be less confused tomorrow. It’s so hard when your PWD is anxious on their own as I know from experience.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
404
I don’t want to add to your worry. I think your husband needs to be checked out, these pains have been increasing and should not be ignored. Sorry and all that, but been there and got the tee shirt.....
Take care of yourselves
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
Oh @annielou 😓 , that sounds like a very difficult weary afternoon/evening , I don’t know how you are coping so remarkably well with it all. Think you should copy these posts and show SW when you see them, it needs highlighting just how much of a toll this is having on you and hubby as well as Mums anxieties and confusion. I’m sorry ,sending you lots of hugs🤗🤗🤗🤗 Xx
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Thanks for you replies @Melles Belles @Starting on a journey @Woo2 xxx
Yesterday at times I think I was making things worse by being there when mum doesn't know me and doesn't want me there but I'm scared to leave her on her own when confused and don't like to leave her on her own upset and need to be there to give her tablets, cook etc. If I leave there's nobody else to go in my place. As mum doesn't often think it's me who has been, or forgets I was there and she wanted me to go, she often rings a bit after I leave wanting me to go over so I'd have to go back again. It's not like I can pop home and pop back in a bit with no fuss, I have to get hubby to drive me there and back each time and this is all stressing him out so I feel guilty about it, I also don't want to spend my day travelling there and back every few hours, also sometimes mum wants me to go but by time hubby has set off and got to mums she's changed her mind so he's come out for nothing and has to either go back home or sit at mums for hours with nothing to do which he doesn't like doing, so I try to get mum to let me stay and sometimes that causes more upset for mum than if I left when she asked. It's hard to know what to do and sometimes like yesterday I do get grumpy about it and end up trying to reason or sometimes argue my point which is pointless with mum and really not fair to her either.
Hubby came down from shower a while ago and we were making breakfast and he was all tense and then started sweating and huffing and puffing cos his indegistiony pains were back from thinking about day ahead. He gets in such a panic at the first sign of pain or illness and gets in such a state he makes the pain worse as he's so tense and stiff and he barely breathes. I tried my best to get him to relax and get him to take some deep breaths and relax his neck and jaw as he has a tendency to push his head back so his chin is against his neck and pull his shoulders up by ears. Eventually he did and his pain went off a lot so he could have his breakfast and do a few big burps (sorry TMI) I'm dreading today now as I know it's going to get him down dealing with mum and I have no idea how she will be today, if it'll be another day of back and forth like yesterday, a drop me off and pick me up tonight day, or a mum come to ours for a bit day.
Even on a good day the asking who is who, where her mum and my dad is, and asking about her other house gets hubby down now, without the wanting to be on her own and us having to go back and forth, or her ringing to tell me off, or ringing crying upset and confused. So whatever today brings he's going to be stressed and fed up.
Poor mum has no idea the effect she has on us, not that really I'd want her to as it's not her fault, she can't help how she acts, she's no control over what she does and what it means to us. She's stuck in a horrible place of confusion and worry, it's like she's being tortured by her mind and so are we. I feel so sorry for her and wish I could make things better for her and in turn better for us but I can't and that's so hard.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,727
cornwall
Thanks for you replies @Melles Belles @Starting on a journey @Woo2 xxx
Yesterday at times I think I was making things worse by being there when mum doesn't know me and doesn't want me there but I'm scared to leave her on her own when confused and don't like to leave her on her own upset and need to be there to give her tablets, cook etc. If I leave there's nobody else to go in my place. As mum doesn't often think it's me who has been, or forgets I was there and she wanted me to go, she often rings a bit after I leave wanting me to go over so I'd have to go back again. It's not like I can pop home and pop back in a bit with no fuss, I have to get hubby to drive me there and back each time and this is all stressing him out so I feel guilty about it, I also don't want to spend my day travelling there and back every few hours, also sometimes mum wants me to go but by time hubby has set off and got to mums she's changed her mind so he's come out for nothing and has to either go back home or sit at mums for hours with nothing to do which he doesn't like doing, so I try to get mum to let me stay and sometimes that causes more upset for mum than if I left when she asked. It's hard to know what to do and sometimes like yesterday I do get grumpy about it and end up trying to reason or sometimes argue my point which is pointless with mum and really not fair to her either.
Hubby came down from shower a while ago and we were making breakfast and he was all tense and then started sweating and huffing and puffing cos his indegistiony pains were back from thinking about day ahead. He gets in such a panic at the first sign of pain or illness and gets in such a state he makes the pain worse as he's so tense and stiff and he barely breathes. I tried my best to get him to relax and get him to take some deep breaths and relax his neck and jaw as he has a tendency to push his head back so his chin is against his neck and pull his shoulders up by ears. Eventually he did and his pain went off a lot so he could have his breakfast and do a few big burps (sorry TMI) I'm dreading today now as I know it's going to get him down dealing with mum and I have no idea how she will be today, if it'll be another day of back and forth like yesterday, a drop me off and pick me up tonight day, or a mum come to ours for a bit day.
Even on a good day the asking who is who, where her mum and my dad is, and asking about her other house gets hubby down now, without the wanting to be on her own and us having to go back and forth, or her ringing to tell me off, or ringing crying upset and confused. So whatever today brings he's going to be stressed and fed up.
Poor mum has no idea the effect she has on us, not that really I'd want her to as it's not her fault, she can't help how she acts, she's no control over what she does and what it means to us. She's stuck in a horrible place of confusion and worry, it's like she's being tortured by her mind and so are we. I feel so sorry for her and wish I could make things better for her and in turn better for us but I can't and that's so hard.
How’s it going with getting carers in for extra days?? Maybe they could do the weekends instead of you.
If your mum says to go maybe you should. As much as you want to sort it you can’t. The trouble is things are not the same and your mum doesn’t think the same way she used too.

I’m concerned about your husband. He really needs a check up .
It is no fun for any of you. Sending hugs(((hugs))
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Thanks @TNJJ x Carers doing first tablets on saturday and sunday from 25th so hoping that might get us past the first bit of back and forth where mum changes mind.
Hubby keeps sayin if don’t go off will ring DRs I said today think he should. I think more stress than anything he does struggle to cope with things and this is a lot so no wonder he’s struggling. Think he needs referring to mental health team but don’t think he likes sound of it.
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
735
Lytham St Annes
I really feel for you, but please stop again saying it’s you making things worse....it’s not it’s the disease. Your mums behaviour is deteriorating and will continue all your doing is keeping a lid on it a little, but it’s getting worse by the day, you can not continue like this.

Now the added worry of your husband all the care and reassurance that you are having to provide for him, you can’t keep doing all of this on your own, you have got to leave Mum more and if she tells you to go then go......like I keep saying you can not fix things for your Mum, you can not make things ok for your Mum, you can not make her not anxious or lessen her confusion.....nobody can...that’s why she needs 24 hour care urgently.....
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,404
South coast
Im really a bit concerned about your husband. These sort of sympoms may not be symptoms of mental health problems - there may be a physical cause, possibly his heart. I really think it aught to be checked out.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,690
Hi @annielou, you are being pulled in two directions, but I'd take a step back from your mum and make sure your husband is OK, even if it means not seeing your mum. If you are concerned about her tablets etc could you phone the emergency SS number and explain, though I think as others have said missing a day's worth of pills shouldn't cause too much trouble.
If you feel you have to go to your mums could you start using the bus again or maybe get the occasional taxi to save your husband having to drive you?
This is so very very hard and it won't get easier, so get help now. Please.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
I’ll try best to get hubby ring DRs tomorrow. I do think stress and gas are problem and thats bad enough but in case something else better to talk to DR. He was really fed up and down this morning I think and as pain went off he had lots of wind. He does swallow a lot of air as he chews his food for ages and gulps when he swallows as he has a bit of a choking phobia. He also breathes a lot with mouth open in night so wind pains combined with stress and anxiety are most probable causes.
For most of our married life he has struggled with eating and swallowing after he choked on something when out for a meal with his new bosses when he got a new job. He was embarrassed and scared by it and all his stress from having a new job and we were selling our first house at same time all stress went into a fear of choking and eating and he lost quite a lot of weight at the time though he has put it all and a bit more back on now but he has struggled with eating and dealing with stress ever since.
So all the stress of looking after mum is really not good for him which I feel so bad about as its because of me he is having to cope with it. I will try to get him to speak to DRs.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
He might not need mental health team @annnielou he needs to have a frank talk with his dr , he may be able to prescribe something for the excess air and pains and maybe even a mild anti depressant if he thinks it’s appropriate . You are def being pulled in different directions and it’s very difficult. Sending you some more hugs 🤗 🤗 Hope this evening is a bit more relaxed . X
 

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