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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,536
The last time we went to Cornwall the weather wasn't brilliant, but we had a great time and didn't really care. We'd booked a cottage for us and our adult son, but at the last minute he couldn't come as he'd got a new job. It was just as well, the cottage was minute and we needed what would have been his room for our clothes and suitcases. We did have a glorious week when he was small with some friends and their four children. Our friends kept on sneaking off to have cream teas leaving us in charge of the kids! We had fun anyway.
Glad your mum is on good form at the moment @annielou. Do you think it's the new meds kicking in?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,969
South coast
My MIL who was born and bred in Cornwall used to say that there was two sorts of weather there - soft rain and hard rain!
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,415
Suffolk
Glad you all like my home county, even if it rains. Yep, hard rain and soft rain sums it up! About 20 years ago we hired an old farm house for two children and husbands plus our dog. It was in March and we had glorious weather! The only thing no one had brought was suntan cream!
The weeks before and after we’re rain, btw.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,337
South East
I have pictures @Spamar of us walking along the beach at Freathy in Feb half term a couple of years ago , love it there that’s why we go every year ! Do you miss it ?
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,415
Suffolk
Yes, loads, and I regularly talk about going back there. Most of my remaining relatives live there as well. However, I’m not as well as I was and the thought of sorting everything out puts me in despair! I go back when I can, but can’t see that happen in the near future!
Cant drive that far any more, either.
Though I still regard it as home, even though I love Suffolk!
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,337
South East
Suffolk is lovely too. Shame you can’t get back as much as you would like . Have a spare seat in my car once a year ;) . My husband’s Nan used to go to Devon a couple of times a year to visit her son and we used to take her to Paddington and put her on the train (she was in a wheelchair).
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,425
Bedford
Until I was 12 we went to Polzeath every year and I never remember any rain :)
We also stayed in Hayle one October and had temperatures in the low 20’s
However before you all start booking your holidays at the same time as me. The below photo was on our last ‘Summer holiday’
FC02FC96-FAF8-4686-8B04-6F6E795ED44D.jpeg

Yes a wonderful wet Wales on the motorbikes
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,454
Yorkshire
I thought cornwall was lovely but damp and cool. We did have a good time both times, first time was my fist holiday away with hubby (then fiance) at 18 so we were so excited to be away together we could have been anywhere. We stayed in a flat near porth beach. The second time we went we took my mum and niece and nephew and stayed in a flat in a holiday village somewhere near devon/cornwall border that I can't remember name of. It had almost flooded when we arrived and water was coming out of our toilet :oops:, we had to get maintenance out to sort it which they did in minutes and rest of holiday though damp on occasion was lovely. It was so wet one morning when hubby and kids went to pool they were wetter walking there than when they were in it. We had a fab day on littlehampton beach though where the sun shone. And both times we went we went to lands end and polperro. We were surrounded by seagulls who wanted to pinch our picnic the first time we went to lands end.o_O
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,415
Suffolk
I lived in Newquay for several years. My summer job when I was at school ( everybody had them!) was in the shop on Tolcarne Beach. I reckon I always ended on the choc ice/ lolly/cold drink counter cos I could cope with the maths! But it was a great job for the summer!
I worked afternoon, 5 hr, 7 days a week £5/ wk. Riches in those days! Two years later my money had doubled.
Memories!
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,454
Yorkshire
Not a bad day at mums today, Mum's been quite calm and not got upset or angry today and has been in a good mood which is nice for her and for me. I was surprised and pleased she'd thought to dust and hoover this morning before I arrived and I could tell it had been done so she wasn't just saying it. She did almost get in huff this afternoon while she was looking at knitting patterns but luckily didn't.
She started calling me 'friend' and talked about Our Andie as someone other than me this afternoon and asked if I was Our Andrea quite a few times. Also asked about if she's left this, that and the other at her other house, and will she have to pay rent etc at this house a few times too this afternoon and early evening but she's not been upset or anything when I've given her usual answers and her question loops haven't gone on as long as usual, although she has repeated them a few times. She also mentioned a couple of times that her neighbour had moved out and mum wanted to go look in her window to check, she said she'd looked in her bedroom window when she was bringing washing in and couldn't see anything. Mum had thought the same thing a few weeks ago, she hasn't moved out, but mum was sure she'd said she was.
When hubby came for dinner she asked him if we were married and if she'd been to wedding a few times. After dinner she'd sit looking at me for a while and then she'd ask me if I was our Andrea a few times and also asked about house etc a few times too, but she was calm about it and smiled back at me when I smiled at her while answering.
When we were getting ready to leave she said I'll see you in morning. Normally she asks if she'll see me tomorrow, but tonight she seemed to know I'd be going in morning which was good.
I hope it's mums change of dose on her tablet starting to work. Mum's still been confused today, and come out with mixed up things, forgotten where things are etc as usual, but she has been calmer and happier which is so much nicer to see her not getting upset and angry about things like she has been lately.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,337
South East
That’s brilliant @annielou , so pleased for you all :) Long may it last . I might too look at chatting to gp and see if we can increase Mums as she has had a funny few days. Hope you get a good restful night . X
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,425
Bedford
O that sounds positive. The confusion and forgetting is not going to go away but if some of the agitation and upset has then that must be good.
very little nag - pls keep looking into the extra carer and respite though.
@Woo2 that sounds like you have a plan as well, a chat with the gp certainly will not hurt
 

CardiffGirlInEssex

Registered User
Oct 6, 2018
168
Until I was 12 we went to Polzeath every year and I never remember any rain :)
We also stayed in Hayle one October and had temperatures in the low 20’s
However before you all start booking your holidays at the same time as me. The below photo was on our last ‘Summer holiday’
View attachment 62671
Yes a wonderful wet Wales on the motorbikes
I am from Wales so not at all surprised at your experience! I think it was last summer, or possibly the year before that, that the headline in the Western Mail was “no rain forecast for Wales for at least five days “. Says it all!!
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,536
O that sounds positive. The confusion and forgetting is not going to go away but if some of the agitation and upset has then that must be good.
very little nag - pls keep looking into the extra carer and respite though.
Agree 100% with @Bikerbeth, @annielou. Use this afternoon to do some chasing. A succinct email with recent concerns clearly bullet pointed to all that need to know, GP, social worker may be the way to go. That gives a bit of a paper trail. Anyway make sure you have some me time too.
As for rain in Wales. My son went to university in Bangor. He was always talking about the Bangor Cloud. It rained a lot of the time, and one year the snow and ice was so bad they couldn't easily get up their steep road to their house. However like me, and unlike my lizard of a husband, he can't cope with hot weather, so it suited him fine.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,454
Yorkshire
Thanks for replies @Woo2 @CardiffGirlInEssex @Bikerbeth @Sarasa xxxx
@CardiffGirlInEssex don't think I've ever been to wales, once stayed in a travelodge near wrexham and went into wrexham for a few hours which I think is wales but think that's as far as we got.
That's a good idea @Woo2 to try GP see if anything can do to help your mum feel a bit better. Good luck I hope there is something GP can suggest X
I didn't have a great night last night, think maybe got a bit of pmt. Hubby and I were talking about his work and I annoyed him. And later he annoyed me, my sister had text me yesterday talking about ringing carer agency to see if could do extra visit or not at moment with mums tuesday carer off, so a bit later on I tried talking about extra carer day with hubby and he been grumpy which annoyed me so we were both in bit of a huff and quiet for rest of night. :( :oops: When I went to bed I was dreaming about care homes and having weird unsettling dreams so woke up this morning feeling pants.
I was looking online at local care homes last night so that's probably why still on my mind when asleep. Only 2 had fees on show and they started around a thousand pound a week so don't think they'll be in the running. None of the rest gave indication of fees but most mentioned luxury or luxurious or high quality in description so think they may be ones for people with money to pay. One didn't have fees but when talking about fees in a download of questions it talked about self funders and then mentioned la funding and needing a third party to top up rest, so think they'll be out of running too. Looks like lots of emails to the others to ask if accept LA funded people.
Some of the things homes choose to put in their photo gallery seemed a bit pointless, one had about 3 different shots of a table with salt and pepper pots and vase of flowers on it and one had 2 different photos of man in minibus out side home. Not sure what that told me about the home environment, I'd rather see photos of actual rooms and layout.
In the leaflet/guide I downloaded from council website with list of care homes in there was an ad for a company with 2 homes in area with a web address but when I put in website address it gave website was just a black page and there was no other website came up when googled it. They are mentioned on care home sites but have very little detail on them and no photos so bit of an unknown which seem odd when they had gone to trouble to put ad in leaflet.
A few had facebook pages so I was looking through them but I didn't finish looking at those or reading reports on carehome and cqc site before bed so will look again later. I forwarded link to leaflet/guide to my sister the other day and she said she will look at it too when she can, so we'll talk about them and share info when we both get time. I think I'll probably end up starting all over again as I don't think I can remember much about them individually, they'd all blurred into one by bedtime:rolleyes:🤔
I think my brain knows I don't want to be thinking and dealing with all this and so won't work properly. I hate making decisions for myself and agonise over them, but this isn't for me and I just don't feel capable and don't want to have to deal with it really to be honest. I know that's wimpy and I know that's not an option, I know that me letting things just go on and happen without planning is not good for mum, or us. I keep thinking I'll do it, I'll get myself together and get on with things, and I'll realise what needs doing and fight to do it and get on with it but so far I haven't. Just been a cowardy custard and moaned and worried about stuff. 😞
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
374
A few had facebook pages so I was looking through them but I didn't finish looking at those or reading reports on carehome and cqc site before bed so will look again later. I forwarded link to leaflet/guide to my sister the other day and she said she will look at it too when she can, so we'll talk about them and share info when we both get time. I think I'll probably end up starting all over again as I don't think I can remember much about them individually, they'd all blurred into one by bedtime:rolleyes:🤔
I think my brain knows I don't want to be thinking and dealing with all this and so won't work properly. I hate making decisions for myself and agonise over them, but this isn't for me and I just don't feel capable and don't want to have to deal with it really to be honest. I know that's wimpy and I know that's not an option, I know that me letting things just go on and happen without planning is not good for mum, or us. I keep thinking I'll do it, I'll get myself together and get on with things, and I'll realise what needs doing and fight to do it and get on with it but so far I haven't. Just been a cowardy custard and moaned and worried about stuff. 😞
I think this is a really good way for sis to help out, please ask her x
Hope mum is still in a good mood today :)
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,280
We had a similar problem when mum needed a care home - lots of homes won't take local authority funded residents and we weren't in a position to pay any top ups. Best thing to do is to ask the local authority for a list of all care homes in the area which accept residents funded by the local authority. The choice is likely to be limited, there were just 3 in mum's area, but it will save you spending time looking at care home websites. Obviously the other hurdle will be getting social services to agree that your mum needs a care home and they won't usually even consider that unless someone needs more than 4 care visits a day so you'll need to keep pressing for more care visits. Did you mention previously that you are arranging the care visits and paying for these from your mum's money, rather than social services providing these? If you want them to consider a care home placement then it's best to involve them in arranging the care visits rather than do this yourself.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,337
South East
Cowardly custard 😂 I know it’s not funny but @annielou you do make me chuckle with your names .
I am very similar it’s not wanting to accept it for me , I have narrowed down the homes to about 5 , I won’t do much more until I can visit now. Harder for you, I’m sure between you and sis you can narrow them down .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,454
Yorkshire
Thanks @imthedaughter @Louise7 @Woo2 xxx I do use a lot of silly names and sayings for things don't I :rolleyes: :)
I've sent my sister a link to leaflet/guide I have been using that has list of care homes in and she is going to look too. She's a lot going off at work and home at the minute and seems quite stressed and tired out at moment too so she will look but like me I don't think she's really taking it all very well at moment.
At moment we're looking at homes for respite when things calm down virus wise, but thinking of trying to find one that might also be suitable for if/when SS say mum needs a home permanently. On two meetings with SW's we were told we'd to find and contact homes ourselves, there were details online, but neither SW told us where to look. I have with the help of bikerbeth found a guide to older people services leaflet on council website which has a full list of homes but doesn't say which need paying for or not, which I'm finding frustrating to sort through. The way second SW spoke I'm not sure they'd ever say mum needs a permanent care home place.
@Louise7 you're right we didn't go with SS care visit plan as really wasn't going to work well for mum as only offering 3 short visits to prompt washing, taking tablets and eating but they wouldn't be there long enough to cook mum something other than a microwave meal which she wouldn't eat and she'd be left alone rest of the day which mum wouldn't be ok with. SS had no carers available so it went out to brokerage and when they did find an agency who could fit mum in the times weren't near mums getting ready or meal times and as SW had told us that if carer visits didn't take as long as she'd allocated, or mum had already done what they came for and they didn't need to do it, or mum refused their help, then the visits would be cut down or removed. I go to mums everyday to give her tablets and make dinner and keep her company and keep an eye on her when doing household things, quite often doing them. SW only offered help with the meals and tablets part and said if I was there doing those while keeping her company and helping with household stuff there was no need for carer.
So we arranged mums carer visits ourselves using her AA and extra pension credit and instead of 3 x short visits each day with big gaps in between we went for a couple of 4 & 1/2 hour afternoons a week so I could come home early and know mum had company and someone to make her dinner in the oven and sit with her while ate it. I do worry this is going to mean SS won't ever consider mum needs 24hr care as we've not tried their method of just short visits in day, but it fit better at the time as mum didn't want to be on her own all day and sis and I didn't want her to be. With what SW told me about there needing to be a crisis/es before they'd say mum needed a home I'm not sure they'd ever suggest it unless she caused serious harm to herself or someone else anyway.