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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,430
Yorkshire
Thank you @canary @Woo2 xx Hubby has told me off a bit and said I've to stop worrying about what carer thinks. Worrying what people think of me is my default setting so it's hard for me not to, but I can see his point. He said he doubts she'll think anything bad and like you on here have said they are used to doing things, and probably like to have things to do to fill time, so if she manged to persuade mum to let her help out with anything then it should be a good thing and I shouldn't feel bad.
I don't really enjoy cleaning but I like to feel like house is relatively clean and tidy so I used to be a regular cleaner, but I can't be bothered to do much housework wise when we get home about half 7 to 8. Also I don't like to make too much noise hoovering etc in evening in case disturbs neighbour so tend to leave it to weekend mornings before picking mum up and tuesday/thursday afternoons along with the ironing so not as much gets done as often as before and I tend to sit on evening feeling I should be doing something but not :rolleyes: Mums house is small and doesn't take that long to go through it if it's done regularly, so I wouldn't mind doing it with or for her while I'm there, but it does cause a lot of tension and arguments between us. If carer can sometimes get mum to let them help with some thing then it would save me a bit of tension with mum at times, but I'm not sure if they'll ever get her to agree. I will see if carer did anything when I go tomorrow.
I've put a note in with care agency cheque asking if it's possible to send invoices to me in future. There's always possibility if invoice arrived when I wasn't there that mum could put it somewhere 'safe' and I'd not know it had come, besides her getting confused about it and how to pay it when she sees it, so if they can send it to me it would save that.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,605
cornwall
Thank you @canary @Woo2 xx Hubby has told me off a bit and said I've to stop worrying about what carer thinks. Worrying what people think of me is my default setting so it's hard for me not to, but I can see his point. He said he doubts she'll think anything bad and like you on here have said they are used to doing things, and probably like to have things to do to fill time, so if she manged to persuade mum to let her help out with anything then it should be a good thing and I shouldn't feel bad.
I don't really enjoy cleaning but I like to feel like house is relatively clean and tidy so I used to be a regular cleaner, but I can't be bothered to do much housework wise when we get home about half 7 to 8. Also I don't like to make too much noise hoovering etc in evening in case disturbs neighbour so tend to leave it to weekend mornings before picking mum up and tuesday/thursday afternoons along with the ironing so not as much gets done as often as before and I tend to sit on evening feeling I should be doing something but not :rolleyes: Mums house is small and doesn't take that long to go through it if it's done regularly, so I wouldn't mind doing it with or for her while I'm there, but it does cause a lot of tension and arguments between us. If carer can sometimes get mum to let them help with some thing then it would save me a bit of tension with mum at times, but I'm not sure if they'll ever get her to agree. I will see if carer did anything when I go tomorrow.
I've put a note in with care agency cheque asking if it's possible to send invoices to me in future. There's always possibility if invoice arrived when I wasn't there that mum could put it somewhere 'safe' and I'd not know it had come, besides her getting confused about it and how to pay it when she sees it, so if they can send it to me it would save that.
Glad you are getting some time to yourself.VERY glad you have made a meal for your mum tomorrow so it will take the pressure off you at lunchtime☺
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,907
South coast
Im sure the care agency will be happy to send you the invoices. I get the invoices from OHs care agency addressed to me. I know we live in the same house, but if I had lived in a different place they would have sent them there.
We pay the agency by direct debit and if you could get your mum to agree to that it will save a lot of headache.
There's always possibility if invoice arrived when I wasn't there that mum could put it somewhere 'safe'
Yes, thats a distinct possibility. When mum moved into her care home and I had to clear her bungalow I found a few unpaid bills posted in her airing cupboard in-between the towels!
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,430
Yorkshire
Thanks @TNJJ @canary xx
There only seems to be pay by cheque option for mums care agency but hopefully they'll agree to my note and send to me. In the airing cupboard :oops: Funny the places people think of isn't it. Will keep my eye out.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
362
Dad had a whole host of unpaid bills - in fact they are still turning up now :oops:

Dad used to open things, write thoughts on the envelope or on top of the letter and put letters back in the envelope, which made everything really annoying as you couldn't see what it was at a glance, you had to open and unfold it. So I had to do that hundreds of times while trying to sort his paperwork in his flat. Sometimes he'd have put other things in the envelope as well, like a dirty napkin, and, on one occasion, a still-wrapped pat of butter.

I'm sure lots of people get their carer's invoices sent to them. I did with Meals on Wheels - the ones they forgot to send to me didn't get paid, funnily enough, and I had to call them to ask how much I owed!
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,430
Yorkshire
Sounds like a lot to sort x.
Mum often took things out of envelope to read them and mixed pages up so in wrong order and maybe throw some pages away. I have been sorting and filing mums paperwork for last couple of years, she has a folder but it was in chaos so I put everything in different slots and labelled them A while ago with mums permission I brought her folder through to mine to look after it, but really because she would go through it looking for things every so often and mix everything up. She'd put them in wrong slots and take half of something out of one envelope and divide it between 2 or 3 other envelopes that were nothing to do with it, like she'd have one page of house insurance in with council tax and one sheet in bank statement say, but she'd always say she hadn't been in there.

Sometimes he'd have put other things in the envelope as well, like a dirty napkin, and, on one occasion, a still-wrapped pat of butter.
Bet that was a shock, hope it wasn't anywhere warm and melted :oops:
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,430
Yorkshire
Morning @Woo2 x We're plodding along thanks. I've been bit off it last couple of days, sinuses are playing up, which they do fairly frequently, had really bad sinus headache all over left side of face friday and bit of one first part of day yesterday and its back a bit today. Also been really tired, I use a b12 oral spray which ran out last week and new one only arrived yesterday so its probably that but also not been sleeping great last week. So I'm just feeling a bit off.
Mum not been too bad, she's been bit sniffy and snuffly last couple of days so hope not the cold thing coming back. Friday wasn't a bad day, when I read carer report carer had hoovered through, cleaned bathroom and mum helped with dusting so I didn't need to try persuade mum to do anything friday which was good. I don't know how mum reacted because she never mentioned it, carer didn't put anything in report about mum resisting either before or after I left. Mum still seemed happy about her coming though so don't think anything bad can have happened. Mum was very repeaty on friday and her new normal amount of confused, but no real upsets or arguments. She ate the cottage pie I made on thursday to heat up on friday, she seemed quite slow eating it at first so I thought wasn't enjoying it, but after finished she said that was lovely love thank you.
Yesterday I was 'friend' in morning but after lunch she said I really enjoyed that andie thank you so I was back :) We were colouring and watching tv and she seemed to be enjoying herself but about 4 she said I think I'll go to loo and then go home. She was back to thinking her brothers had took furniture from her mums and her stuff was there. I explained it was all sorted years ago and she had got all her stuff nothing was anywhere else, she said oh ok then. At half four she said she Ought to go home before it gets dark, she didn't want to walk home in dark. We said didn't walk we drove her and didn't get dark for ages so she said Oh good I'll stay a bit then, but mentioned it again few minutes later so hubby suggested a cup of tea and that distracted her. She went back to colouring and we had tea and mum stayed till half 6.
I'd made a cooked lunch so we just had a sandwich for tea and it didn't feel as stressed when she was asking about going home as we knew if didn't settle we could take her home and not have to worry about cooking something later. I'm going to try same again and cook at lunch today.
In car on way to mums she said I don't live with my mum do I? I said no and then she said I didn't think I did I think I live at and said her address. She was fine rest of journey, chatting bout traffic and fine when got to her house. We left shortly after as Jane mcdonald cruising was on tv and mum likes that so we left in ad break.
She rang twice last night, first time half hour after we'd left on my mobile asking if she'd been my house cos she thought had been at friends' and was going to ask to come to mine tomorrow. I said she'd been at mine and could come again tomorrow. She wanted to check if hubby ok with that and when I said yes he was she was ok. We chatted about time we went over and she said she was going cos watching Jane. She seemed quite happy.
She rang house phone 5 minutes later and said Andrea its me have I been at your house today and did hubby pick me up. I said yes and we'd picked her up and then she got confusing talking as if I was 'friend' and was saying she thought been at my house but she'd rung our andie and she'd said been there. I explained I am andrea and told her what we'd done today. She said Oh ok love sorry I get mixed up. I said it's ok don't worry bout it and then talked about time I'd pick her up tomorrow. I'm not sure she knew where she'd been even after I told her as she still sounded bit confused but she said she was ok when I asked and we said night.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,421
Bedford
That sounds like 2 successes. The Carer getting some of the cleaning done with your Mum. If it means you and Mum don’t get upset then that is brilliant. Sometimes that 3rd person is just a step back and ‘can get away with doing’ stuff that we as relatives can’t. It also seems like the Cottage pie was a success too along with the cooked lunch yesterday. If it leaves you feeling less stressed that is brilliant. . So all in all a massive pat on the back for you.
Sorry to hear you have been a bit off, hope you are back to normal soon
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,284
South East
Sorry you have been feeling a bit off , fingered crossed it disappears soon and you feel better . As @Bikerbeth had said , it’s great carer got to do some bits and yes as she isn’t related can get to do these things , it sounds like one less stress off your shoulders , also brill about cooked lunch as if she wants to go earlier it’s no big hassle worrying about if she has eaten , you have done brilliantly all whilst not feeling 100% so well done 👍 👏 . Hope today goes ok too🤞. X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,430
Yorkshire
Thanks @Bikerbeth @Starting on a journey @Woo2 xx
Sinus not been as bad today thank you.
Carer doing some cleaning last week saved me having to try convince mum on friday. Bought stuff to make a stew on tuesday afternoon to take to mums wednesday. Had cooked meal at lunch again today and was good job as ended up taking mum home mid afternoon.
Not sure if me having 2 phones confuses mum, possibly but she's always had both numbers programmed in her phone and wrote in address book. She used to only ring mobile from her mobile as thought cost lot of money, she doesn't use her mobile now its sat in a cupboard so she just rings me with her house phone. Most of time she rings house first and then mobile if not answered, but occassionaly like yesterday she'll just pick mobile, not sure why.
Hope things improve for you @Woo2 thanks for the hug x
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,284
South East
It seems to be working out well having meal at lunch , You can make enough for the rest of week, you can freeze them then just get them out night before and heat ... voila . Anything that makes life easier for you is a must . Glad your sinuses been better today 👍 🤗
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,430
Yorkshire
Upset day today mum has been so mixed up her poor brain must feel like it is going to explode, mine certainly does.
Mum came to ours and seemed to know who we were until just after lunch. Got colouring out but brought the pencils I leave at mums, said they were our Andies cos couldn't find hers. Kept saying Our Andie will play pop when she knows I used them. She just ignored me when I said I was me and it was fine for her to use them. She was fine for couple of hours colouring and chatting but called me 'friend' a few times, I just kept calling her mum.
About 3 she said she better go home cos brother might be there emptying house. I tried to say it was all sorted long time ago. Mum wanted to know when, then how I knew. Told her she'd told me about it. Mum didn't believe she had, didn't believe she was my mum, or told me about it, didn't believe I was me, or her mum had been dead a long time. She did agree her mum had died at 50 and she was 73 so must have been a long time ago but said she wanted to go home and wanted to talk to our Andrea. I wasn't her I was 'friend' not THE 'friend' but A 'friend' with same name. Mum asked hubby who I was and if he thought her mum had died long time ago.He said yes to so she said Ok.
Thought managed to settle and distract her but few minutes later she wanted to go home this time to talk to brother. We said she could but he'd only say same as us that it was all sorted and she didn't need to worry about it, so she sat back again. Then she said she didn't know where she lived and wanted to go home cos wasn't sure about her mum dying. I said we'll take you home if like, you'll recognise house when you see it but it might not make you remember other stuff any more than being here. She still wanted to go so we took her.
Recognised house when we got there and was ok but looking for address book to ring her brother. Tried to distract her which didn't work so then told her again it was long time ago. She went over ages of her and her mum and agreed it was long time ago. She said we could go home she'd be ok on her own, I said we usually spend sunday with her but she kept saying we could go and said wanted to be on her own cos she might want to cry. I told her I was sorry had reminded her about her mum it was a long time ago but still sad. I suggested I stay and hubby go home but she wanted us both to go so we did.
I told hubby she'd probably ring soon and I'd go back. so we went to tesco for hubbys prescription. Mum rang my mobile in tears and asked if I knew her mum had died. I told her I did and was sorry but it was a long time ago, she said she didn't think she had known she was dead. I asked her if she wanted me to go back. Mum said No she was ok. She thought she had been at 'friends' and then was upset cos was mixed up. Said she was mental cos she should know her mum was dead. I said usual thing bout her brain getting mixed up when tired. She was sad cos her mum died. I said It is sad, its awful and I wish it didn't happen to you and I wish I could stop it. I said I'll come back mum and she said I didn't need to she'd be ok, but was still crying so when hubby came back to car I asked him to drop me back.
Mum said I'm glad you've come cos I've not seen you for ages, she was still crying a bit. For next hour she kept asking about her mum, where I'd been cos she thought she hadn't seen me for ages, thought I'd just left and not said anything, asking about my dad dying and saying she thought she was all on her own, saying she didn't see me or my sister, asking where I lived and if she'd been and was it nice. She thought she had been at 'friends' and didn't know been at mine. Kept asking as soon as we finished one thing she asked another and kept asking similar things. She said she was mental and couldn't remember things so I told her she wasn't and tried reassure her. She said her mind had gone and she forgot things and talked bit about alzheimers. Mum said she had some good days but others like today she didn't know what doing and then said You won't put me in a home will you, don't put me in a home. I said it's not up to me, it's up to drs and they say you don't need a home. She said Good.
Then mum said I'm on my own cos my mum is dead, well I think she is is she? I said yes. And W (my dad) is dead and I've no friends and I don't see you or our (my sister) so I'm on my own. I said she wasn't on her own, had me, I see her everyday, sis comes when she can but has job and kids etc and lives hours away and can't travel at moment. She told me again she thinks doesn't see me and didn't know she came to my house and had seen me today, she was sorry and glad I came and saw her cos she loves me. I told her I love her and wouldn't ignore her or not see her.
She seemed to calm down a bit and her tummy rumbled and she said I don't think I've eaten today. I told her what we'd had for lunch but it was about 4 hours ago at 1 so might be ready for tea and she said Oh yes. We made sandwiches and were watching tv while we ate. Mum asked me when I'd got married and if she came to wedding and if I was happy and then asking where my house was and if she'd been and did she walk there. Then asked Weren't you with - (friends hubby) before. I said no that was 'friend'. I was just wondering if mum had lost me again when she asked where our Andrea had gone.
She was quite calm and not teary anymore but on and off for next hour asked if she'd been to my wedding, saying didn't think saw me, thought I'd just gone off without telling her and was sorry she couldn't remember, then she settled down. Hubby came back to pick me up just before 7, mum was ok and after programe finished we left about 10 past 7. I said I'd see her tomorrow and she waved us off.
Just as we got home my mobile rang. Its your mum, am I ever going to see you? Quite angry. I said I've just left your house mum and I'm coming again tomorrow morning. She didn't know I'd been, thought been with friend and hubby and said sorry. I said Its ok don't worry about it. She said have you been here and I said yes and mum said Somebody's been here a man and a woman but I didn't know who it was. Was it you? I said yes it was me and hubby came pick me up. She said Sorry I didn't know who it was and I didn't think you'd been. She said she was mental I said she wasn't she was just bit mixed up, it didn't matter. Then mum said So will you come and see me sometime then? I said Yes I'll come in morning is that ok? Mum said Have you been today? I said Yes, she said I didn't think I saw you and you didn't love me, she was crying. I told her not to get upset I loved her and I saw her all time and I'd come in morning. We went back and forth a couple more times over if I'd been or someone else and sorry didn't know it was me. She kept alternating between being sorry and crying and being snappy cos she thought I didn't go and hadn't seen me for ages.
She was talking over me and not listening to my answers and after she said again But you don't come see me. I ended up being quite abrupt and saying I picked you up this morning mum, brought you to my house, we had lunch then you wanted to leave at 3, so we took you home just after, then you wanted to be on your own cos upset about your mum so we left, you rang ten minutes later crying so I came back, I stayed at your house for about 3 hours till hubby came, and we left about 1/4 of an hour ago. She said I'm sorry I didn't know it was you, and was crying again. I felt awful, said I was sorry for being snappy I know not doing it on purpose, I shouldn't snap. She said sorry and she'd go. I felt bad, I said Don't go while your upset I'm sorry mum I know it's confusing for you. She said she just wanted know who'd been cos someone had and she didn't know who and when they went she thought our Andie hadn't been so she rang me to ask.
We went round a few more times with mum getting upset and angry asking why I didn't go and saying she didn't know I'd been. I said even though I know she can't help it and it's not on purpose it does hurt that she thinks that, I know it must be awful and scary for her thinking I've not been to see her but I'd never do that and I'm sorry that sometimes I get upset and snappy with her. She said sorry again and she'd let me go, we were both crying and I said Shall I come back over mum do you want me to come back? Mum said no she'd be ok. I said Don't be upset mum I love you and I come to see you every day and I'll come tomorrow. She said she was sorry she didn't know what she was doing and what to do and who was who and she was on her own. I said You're not on your own mum you've got me I come every day I can come back now. she said No its ok.
Then she said again she was on her own she'd not got W (my dad) I said well you're better off without him mum you were on your own when you were with him anyway. Mum said And my mums died. I said I know and that's sad but it was a long time ago. Mum said but I'm on my own now. I said you're not mum you've got me I come everyday. She said I didn't know I saw you everyday I thought I didn't see you anymore. We had a few more sorrys, didn't know saw me from mum and from me it's ok, I come everyday and I'll be there in morning. We were both still upset when we said night.
I had a major cry when she'd hung up. I didn't know if I should go over again or not. I'd gone back to hers when she rang this afternoon cos I didn't want her to be upset and confused on her own, but as soon as I left tonight looks like she forgot I'd been and was confused and upset again. I wondered if I went back again would same just happen when I left again so I ended up staying here and worrying and crying on and off for a couple of hours and then just worrying
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,605
cornwall
Upset day today mum has been so mixed up her poor brain must feel like it is going to explode, mine certainly does.
Mum came to ours and seemed to know who we were until just after lunch. Got colouring out but brought the pencils I leave at mums, said they were our Andies cos couldn't find hers. Kept saying Our Andie will play pop when she knows I used them. She just ignored me when I said I was me and it was fine for her to use them. She was fine for couple of hours colouring and chatting but called me 'friend' a few times, I just kept calling her mum.
About 3 she said she better go home cos brother might be there emptying house. I tried to say it was all sorted long time ago. Mum wanted to know when, then how I knew. Told her she'd told me about it. Mum didn't believe she had, didn't believe she was my mum, or told me about it, didn't believe I was me, or her mum had been dead a long time. She did agree her mum had died at 50 and she was 73 so must have been a long time ago but said she wanted to go home and wanted to talk to our Andrea. I wasn't her I was 'friend' not THE 'friend' but A 'friend' with same name. Mum asked hubby who I was and if he thought her mum had died long time ago.He said yes to so she said Ok.
Thought managed to settle and distract her but few minutes later she wanted to go home this time to talk to brother. We said she could but he'd only say same as us that it was all sorted and she didn't need to worry about it, so she sat back again. Then she said she didn't know where she lived and wanted to go home cos wasn't sure about her mum dying. I said we'll take you home if like, you'll recognise house when you see it but it might not make you remember other stuff any more than being here. She still wanted to go so we took her.
Recognised house when we got there and was ok but looking for address book to ring her brother. Tried to distract her which didn't work so then told her again it was long time ago. She went over ages of her and her mum and agreed it was long time ago. She said we could go home she'd be ok on her own, I said we usually spend sunday with her but she kept saying we could go and said wanted to be on her own cos she might want to cry. I told her I was sorry had reminded her about her mum it was a long time ago but still sad. I suggested I stay and hubby go home but she wanted us both to go so we did.
I told hubby she'd probably ring soon and I'd go back. so we went to tesco for hubbys prescription. Mum rang my mobile in tears and asked if I knew her mum had died. I told her I did and was sorry but it was a long time ago, she said she didn't think she had known she was dead. I asked her if she wanted me to go back. Mum said No she was ok. She thought she had been at 'friends' and then was upset cos was mixed up. Said she was mental cos she should know her mum was dead. I said usual thing bout her brain getting mixed up when tired. She was sad cos her mum died. I said It is sad, its awful and I wish it didn't happen to you and I wish I could stop it. I said I'll come back mum and she said I didn't need to she'd be ok, but was still crying so when hubby came back to car I asked him to drop me back.
Mum said I'm glad you've come cos I've not seen you for ages, she was still crying a bit. For next hour she kept asking about her mum, where I'd been cos she thought she hadn't seen me for ages, thought I'd just left and not said anything, asking about my dad dying and saying she thought she was all on her own, saying she didn't see me or my sister, asking where I lived and if she'd been and was it nice. She thought she had been at 'friends' and didn't know been at mine. Kept asking as soon as we finished one thing she asked another and kept asking similar things. She said she was mental and couldn't remember things so I told her she wasn't and tried reassure her. She said her mind had gone and she forgot things and talked bit about alzheimers. Mum said she had some good days but others like today she didn't know what doing and then said You won't put me in a home will you, don't put me in a home. I said it's not up to me, it's up to drs and they say you don't need a home. She said Good.
Then mum said I'm on my own cos my mum is dead, well I think she is is she? I said yes. And W (my dad) is dead and I've no friends and I don't see you or our (my sister) so I'm on my own. I said she wasn't on her own, had me, I see her everyday, sis comes when she can but has job and kids etc and lives hours away and can't travel at moment. She told me again she thinks doesn't see me and didn't know she came to my house and had seen me today, she was sorry and glad I came and saw her cos she loves me. I told her I love her and wouldn't ignore her or not see her.
She seemed to calm down a bit and her tummy rumbled and she said I don't think I've eaten today. I told her what we'd had for lunch but it was about 4 hours ago at 1 so might be ready for tea and she said Oh yes. We made sandwiches and were watching tv while we ate. Mum asked me when I'd got married and if she came to wedding and if I was happy and then asking where my house was and if she'd been and did she walk there. Then asked Weren't you with - (friends hubby) before. I said no that was 'friend'. I was just wondering if mum had lost me again when she asked where our Andrea had gone.
She was quite calm and not teary anymore but on and off for next hour asked if she'd been to my wedding, saying didn't think saw me, thought I'd just gone off without telling her and was sorry she couldn't remember, then she settled down. Hubby came back to pick me up just before 7, mum was ok and after programe finished we left about 10 past 7. I said I'd see her tomorrow and she waved us off.
Just as we got home my mobile rang. Its your mum, am I ever going to see you? Quite angry. I said I've just left your house mum and I'm coming again tomorrow morning. She didn't know I'd been, thought been with friend and hubby and said sorry. I said Its ok don't worry about it. She said have you been here and I said yes and mum said Somebody's been here a man and a woman but I didn't know who it was. Was it you? I said yes it was me and hubby came pick me up. She said Sorry I didn't know who it was and I didn't think you'd been. She said she was mental I said she wasn't she was just bit mixed up, it didn't matter. Then mum said So will you come and see me sometime then? I said Yes I'll come in morning is that ok? Mum said Have you been today? I said Yes, she said I didn't think I saw you and you didn't love me, she was crying. I told her not to get upset I loved her and I saw her all time and I'd come in morning. We went back and forth a couple more times over if I'd been or someone else and sorry didn't know it was me. She kept alternating between being sorry and crying and being snappy cos she thought I didn't go and hadn't seen me for ages.
She was talking over me and not listening to my answers and after she said again But you don't come see me. I ended up being quite abrupt and saying I picked you up this morning mum, brought you to my house, we had lunch then you wanted to leave at 3, so we took you home just after, then you wanted to be on your own cos upset about your mum so we left, you rang ten minutes later crying so I came back, I stayed at your house for about 3 hours till hubby came, and we left about 1/4 of an hour ago. She said I'm sorry I didn't know it was you, and was crying again. I felt awful, said I was sorry for being snappy I know not doing it on purpose, I shouldn't snap. She said sorry and she'd go. I felt bad, I said Don't go while your upset I'm sorry mum I know it's confusing for you. She said she just wanted know who'd been cos someone had and she didn't know who and when they went she thought our Andie hadn't been so she rang me to ask.
We went round a few more times with mum getting upset and angry asking why I didn't go and saying she didn't know I'd been. I said even though I know she can't help it and it's not on purpose it does hurt that she thinks that, I know it must be awful and scary for her thinking I've not been to see her but I'd never do that and I'm sorry that sometimes I get upset and snappy with her. She said sorry again and she'd let me go, we were both crying and I said Shall I come back over mum do you want me to come back? Mum said no she'd be ok. I said Don't be upset mum I love you and I come to see you every day and I'll come tomorrow. She said she was sorry she didn't know what she was doing and what to do and who was who and she was on her own. I said You're not on your own mum you've got me I come every day I can come back now. she said No its ok.
Then she said again she was on her own she'd not got W (my dad) I said well you're better off without him mum you were on your own when you were with him anyway. Mum said And my mums died. I said I know and that's sad but it was a long time ago. Mum said but I'm on my own now. I said you're not mum you've got me I come everyday. She said I didn't know I saw you everyday I thought I didn't see you anymore. We had a few more sorrys, didn't know saw me from mum and from me it's ok, I come everyday and I'll be there in morning. We were both still upset when we said night.
I had a major cry when she'd hung up. I didn't know if I should go over again or not. I'd gone back to hers when she rang this afternoon cos I didn't want her to be upset and confused on her own, but as soon as I left tonight looks like she forgot I'd been and was confused and upset again. I wondered if I went back again would same just happen when I left again so I ended up staying here and worrying and crying on and off for a couple of hours
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,605
cornwall
Tried to reply so had to do it this way.
Your mums mixed up days appear to be increasing. You need to watch out for carers burn out as all this will definitely not help. Could you not get the carers days increased to a weekend? They come in and do her medication and breakfast and lunch??Just to give you some respite from it all..Keep a log so when you talk to SS you have back up..
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,517
Kent
Hello @annielou

Your mum is so confused when you`re with her and even more confused and frightened when she is alone, do you think the time has come for residential care?

I know how painful this will be for you but the constant phone calls show she has no recollection of the day however much you put into it and really seems to need 24/7 support and care.

This happened with my mother who was phoning me at all times of the day and night, didn`t recognise her own home and lived in a state of permanent anxiety.

It sounds as if your mum is living in a similar state.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,605
cornwall
Hello @annielou

Your mum is so confused when you`re with her and even more confused and frightened when she is alone, do you think the time has come for residential care?

I know how painful this will be for you but the constant phone calls show she has no recollection of the day however much you put into it and really seems to need 24/7 support and care.

This happened with my mother who was phoning me at all times of the day and night, didn`t recognise her own home and lived in a state of permanent anxiety.

It sounds as if your mum is living in a similar state.
I agree with @Grannie G. .
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
800
Hi @annielou, a very tough day indeed. Do you think Mum coming over to yours perhaps increases her confusion? It sounds as though the situation is becoming increasingly challenging for you and you are constantly swimming against the tide. It's extremely difficult to manage that situation and you don't realise the physical and emotional impact on yourself whilst you are in the eye of the storm - I have been there. It sounds as though your poor Mum has reached the point of requiring constant reassurance, and as you know only too well it's difficult to provide over the 'phone. I hope today is a easier for you Andie, all the best.