Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

[Pete1]

Around 1/2 past 3 to 4 o'clock is usual start of the worrying loops, although it can be as early as 1/2 past 1 and some days I think she sundowns all day.

Hi @annielou, the earlier episodes of sun-downing could be due to Mum being up during the night, which would make her more tired earlier in the day. Without cameras it is difficult to determine if that is the case. It may not have been when you were staying with her, but things can change with sleeping patterns as the disease progresses. I hope you have a good day. All the best.

 

[annielou]

Thanks @TNJJ @Woo2 @Pete1 xxx. I will give it a go ? definately need to make things easier. Might start and make something night before put it fridge and take to mums next day.
Mum is more confused generally but the agitation and worrying loops tend to be more when I think of it as her sundowning.
She could be getting up or not sleeping same nowadays and I wouldn’t know so that could be reason for earlier episodes of sundowning.
I do often wish I had camera set up in kitchen and living room to check she is ok when I’m not there and I think she has been upset but mum hasn’t got internet and knowing me I’d end up watching it constantly??
Oh and guess what I brought shopping but blooming forgot things for dinner!!! Think I’m getting as bad as mum in forgetting stakes

 

[imthedaughter]

Thanks @Bikerbeth @imthedaughter @Woo2 @TNJJ @canary xxxxx
Yes mum constantly talks about needing to empty her mums house and her brothers clearing out the house and they might chuck her stuff out, or take the tele she thinks she bought her mum, it doesn't matter if she's at my house or hers it's a frequent thing. Thinking she has nowhere to live now cos she's been living with her mum was a new thing the other day which I hope doesn't continue. She did ring her brother a couple of week after I started staying at home overnight and also a few months ago when she thought her mum had just died. Her brother was out so mum spoke to his wife who told her she had died a long time ago and everything was sorted then, first time mum was ok, but second she didn't believe her and says she stayed up most of night upset. When I arrived next mornign to get her ready for day centre and explained and she believed me she was shattered and went back to bed and didn't go to day centre. I think if she rung him again it wouldn't have a lasting effect on her remembering and I feel bad her ringing and bothering people. He has parkinsons and last time we saw him and his wife at christmas I got impression he was suffering with tiredness and not doing as well now. There'd be no point in her ringing her oldest brother as he has dementia too and he wouldn't know what she was talking about plus I wouldn't want her to disturb his wife who has enough on looking after him.

Oh sorry I got confused! (Oh no, not me as well!) I thought you meant your brother, but of course you don't have one, it's your uncle! I knew you'd have thought of it already. Another one of those nonsensical things isn't it, you can't prevent the confabulation - you might have to do like @canary and get her home before three or whenever... Either way it's a lot of logistics. Definitely look into what you can pre-prep, as we both work and like to eat healthy(ish!) homemade food I do a lot of cooking ahead, batch cooking, freezing and meal planning so the actual making the meal is more about putting it together than actually cooking, at least during the week, unless it's something really quick to throw together. Also Dad's home don't have loads of residents so do a supermarket shop each week like a big family, and they get him lots of nice things but he still complains about them. They must go through bread like no one's business as sometimes toast is all he'll eat!

 

[Woo2]

Thanks @TNJJ @Woo2 @Pete1 xxx. I will give it a go ? definately need to make things easier. Might start and make something night before put it fridge and take to mums next day.
Mum is more confused generally but the agitation and worrying loops tend to be more when I think of it as her sundowning.
She could be getting up or not sleeping same nowadays and I wouldn’t know so that could be reason for earlier episodes of sundowning.
I do often wish I had camera set up in kitchen and living room to check she is ok when I’m not there and I think she has been upset but mum hasn’t got internet and knowing me I’d end up watching it constantly??
Oh and guess what I brought shopping but blooming forgot things for dinner!!! Think I’m getting as bad as mum in forgetting stakes
View attachment 62477

I think you have a lot on your mind and bucket loads of stress rather than memory loss

 

[annielou]

Oh sorry I got confused! (Oh no, not me as well!) I thought you meant your brother, but of course you don't have one, it's your uncle! I knew you'd have thought of it already. Another one of those nonsensical things isn't it, you can't prevent the confabulation - you might have to do like @canary and get her home before three or whenever... Either way it's a lot of logistics. Definitely look into what you can pre-prep, as we both work and like to eat healthy(ish!) homemade food I do a lot of cooking ahead, batch cooking, freezing and meal planning so the actual making the meal is more about putting it together than actually cooking, at least during the week, unless it's something really quick to throw together. Also Dad's home don't have loads of residents so do a supermarket shop each week like a big family, and they get him lots of nice things but he still complains about them. They must go through bread like no one's business as sometimes toast is all he'll eat!

It’ll be the way I write it thats confusing x And all the people I mention, my dad, hubby, sister, and Mums brothers and mum and friend and her hubby are hard to keep track of without names. ???
I defo need to start changing how plan meals. I’ve never been much of a cook and al lot of what I make has been ready prepared heat up type things, a bit like mum but different things to few things mum usually has so not particularly healthy. I’m sure I can sort somethings out that I can make before and heat when with mum. X

 

[annielou]

I think you have a lot on your mind and bucket loads of stress rather than memory loss

Thanks x I’ll call it menopause mind instead lol.
hubby brought dinner things over for me bless him So we can have dinner tonight lol

 

[DianeW]

Just an idea but couldn’t you try making things like individual size portions for you and Mum at dinner time, like hotpots, shepherds pies, lasagne, mince and onions, cauliflower cheese....then also buy those bags of frozen veg to add as required, favourite crispy potatoes, frozen chips, baked potatoes or roast potatoes etc?

I know it’s not ideal as you said previously you prefer to eat with your husband, but that routine now needs changing, so unless Mum will eat her main meal and you have something light....I can’t see a way round it.

I would also leave a sandwich for Mum and maybe a cup a soup for her to eat later or not if she refuses, you can only do so much and can’t fix everything to suit everyone...it’s just not possible to do.

I hope you have a good day.

 

[annielou]

Thanks @DianeW x I'm going to try making hot meal at lunchtimes on weekends and look at some things I can prep and take to mums in week for dinnertime so we're not always eating same few things like quiche or chicken goujons and crispy potatoes. Sis and I are also considering seeing if one of mums carers can come another afternoon in week so I can come home and they make mum her dinner, but that may not be possible especially at moment but its something we're thinking off.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thanks x I’ll call it menopause mind instead lol.
hubby brought dinner things over for me bless him So we can have dinner tonight lol

I would settle for both - menopausal mind with added stress and then just go for a glass of wine/box of chocolate without having to justify it.
I hope your dinner turned out nice (like your hubby was)
I think another day with a carer would be a good idea if you can manage it. It is certainly worth asking the agency.

 

[Woo2]

Yes try it @annielou and see if they can , be good if they can ?. You have to try and do what is going to make your life easier and free up more time for you to do what you want and time for you and hubby ,hope you can work something out that ticks the boxes . X

 

[annielou]

Had a brainwave of something I can make night before at home and take to mums to heat next day for our dinner without having to faff in her small kitchen. Cottage pie! ? Something I used to make years ago when I used to start work late morning. Before I went to work I'd make mince part and potatoe part, put them together in dish in fridge then heat it up when I got home for dinner. I haven't made it for absolutely ages but made it a few weeks ago and mum enjoyed it. I can make it and assemble it in the evening and then take it through to mums in my dish with lid taped on the next day. Keep it in fridge till dinner time and slip it in oven and presto hey!! Theres one dinner ?Can't believe I didn't think of it before

 

[Starting on a journey]

Do you like pasta? You could make a pasta bake and put it in the oven at mums, If you like curry, you could make that and then heat it through whilst cooking the rice.

 

[annielou]

Do you like pasta? You could make a pasta bake and put it in the oven at mums, If you like curry, you could make that and then heat it through whilst cooking the rice.

Thanks x Hubby and I love pasta bake but unfortunately not mum. I am a fussy eater but mum is a whole other level. Unfortunately curry is a no no too, mind you that applies to me too. Even the smell makes me feel sick, hubby has occassional chinese chicken curry, but not proper ones.

 

[TNJJ]

Thanks x Hubby and I love pasta bake but unfortunately not mum. I am a fussy eater but mum is a whole other level. Unfortunately curry is a no no too, mind you that applies to me too. Even the smell makes me feel sick, hubby has occassional chinese chicken curry, but not proper ones.

I used to do stew ,fish pie etc for dad.Lasagne as well..Dad has his main meal lunch time .Sandwiches for tea or baked beans on toast.Whatever is easier.

 

[annielou]

I used to do stew ,fish pie etc for dad.Lasagne as well..Dad has his main meal lunch time .Sandwiches for tea or baked beans on toast.Whatever is easier.

ooh fish pie and lasagne, I haven't had those for ages. Mum won't eat them but it's given me idea of something for me and hubby to have on carer days. I can do stew for when with mum though. I made one on VE day with a care pack mum was given from her care agency and mum really enjoyed it. I can make it at home night before and then take it to mums to reheat next day. She still won't have her hot meal at lunchtime when I'm at hers in week but I'm going to try on weekends at my house and if I take something like that to mums it saves us keep having same old things hubby and I are fed up of for dinner. Also when she gets in her I can't afford to keep feeding you all mood I can say I brought it from home for us which might get round that a bit. ? Thanks x

 

[TNJJ]

ooh fish pie and lasagne, I haven't had those for ages. Mum won't eat them but it's given me idea of something for me and hubby to have on carer days. I can do stew for when with mum though. I made one on VE day with a care pack mum was given from her care agency and mum really enjoyed it. I can make it at home night before and then take it to mums to reheat next day. She still won't have her hot meal at lunchtime when I'm at hers in week but I'm going to try on weekends at my house and if I take something like that to mums it saves us keep having same old things hubby and I are fed up of for dinner. Also when she gets in her I can't afford to keep feeding you all mood I can say I brought it from home for us which might get round that a bit. ? Thanks x

No problem. Just trying to help.Depending on appetite it can be divided into portion control.

 

[Starting on a journey]

I’ve got pretty good at cooking different meals. I cannot eat anything with gluten(been like it since a baby) and son is a bit fussy.
Yesterday for example, mum wanted scampi and chips which I did for her then also gluten free chicken steaks with Gluten free chips for me and son!!
She has demanded that we all eat the same but I can’t do it (haven’t been able to get gluten free scampi for weeks). I can’t pander to her on this, she has to put up with it!! However she is a charming dinner guest .....last nights scampi was delicious (my skills at putting things in the oven are well developed)

 

[Woo2]

I make a lot of lasagne , fish pie , casserole , that sort of thing as mum is an old fashioned food lover , steak & Kidney pie and puddings , Scampi & chips a firm favourite here too . She does eat chili con carne as I don’t make it strong or spicy , pizza with added veg on top .. somedays she is happy to have poached egg, beans or cheese on toast with some fruit & ice cream for pudding . Harder if mum is quite fussy though . Mum eats things here she wouldn’t of at home , I rarely ask her but dish it up and if she doesn’t like it I make her something on toast .

 

[Sarasa]

All this talk of food is making me hungry!
Sorry I haven't been keeping up, but I hope that today is a good day @annielou, you get to go home and have some time to do the things you really want to do, and I don't mean the ironing!

 

[annielou]

Thanks @Starting on a journey @Woo2 @Sarasa xxx
Meal times are a bit of eurrgghh time for us ? , both me and mum have often said over the years we wish there was a tablet we could take instead of eating dinner (have to be a chewable one for me as can't swallow tablets ) Growing up the only meal time I always enjoyed was breakfast cos I loved cereal,( can't have a lot of those now as upset my stomach), but if I could have eaten 3 lots of cereal a day I'd have been happy. There were very few meals mum made that I enjoyed, dad liked things fried and stuck to same few things with chips mostly and I didn't like mums crispy fried chips.
When I got married and started cooking for me and hubby I found more things I liked and rarely had anything fried so enjoyed food a bit more but I still got fed up of thinking what to have and didn't enjoy cooking so still would have preferred a tablet rather than a meal a lot of the time.
Mum has been the same for quite a while too, she would struggle to think of something she fancied and then not feel like bothering just for her and she never really increased amount of things she ate much, in fact it shrunk a bit to things she could slip on a tray in oven, so she often says the same thing about wishing there was just a tablet instead. It would certainly make life easier now. Out of all those great suggestions I've had the only thing mum eats is stew.

Hoping today is an ok day, yesterday evening wasn't great . Mum was calling me 'friend' most of time yesterday and was quite moany in afternoon, we didn't argue or get upset really, although she did snap and shout at me at one point but I told her not to shout at me and luckily she didn't after. She was mixed up late afternoon and early evening while we were there about houses again and then she rang me twice last night asking if I'd been to see her and if she was in right house.
The last call at 1/4 to 9 she thought we had all been living together at last house her, dad, sister and me until recently (first time she has included my sister its usually just her dad and me) then she'd moved to that bungalow. She thought she hadn't seen me since then and that I'd fallen out with her and didn't know where she lived. She asked if I was ok and if sis was ok because she hadn't seen us. Kept wanting to know if she had to get furniture and her clothes out of our house to take to her bungalow because she didn't know if she had taken them. I told her a few times she'd taken everything with her when moved, and explained where me and sis lived and that we hadn't fallen out with her and still saw her.
She asked me countless times during call if I went to see her and if she could come to my house when she was better. It took quite a bit of reassuring her I loved her, saw her everyday, would be there in morning and she came to my house on weekends and could come again before she started to calm down. She said she was glad she rang because she thought I didn't love her now and she was glad I did and I went to see her.
She sounded calmer, but still had a bit of a scared little girl voice and I didn't want to hang up while she was still like that so I talked to her a bit about a new colouring book that I'd got for her and said I'd take it over today and that seemed to cheer her up before we said out love yous and night nights. I hope it helped and she was ok when she hung up, she didn't ring back again so fingers crossed ?
Carer is due today so I hope that goes ahead and mums ok. I have a pile of ironing to do and want to change our bed when I get home but I didn't sleep well last night and have been awake since half six so I'm not really in mood. I may end up slumped face down on ironing board LOL?
Hope everyone has a good day today x