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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,034
South East
I wonder if a diffferent medication might be needed ? Would make a call to gp and memory clinic /social worker and let them know and see if there is anything they can do or suggest. Seems so unfair for her to be so confused /scared . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,313
Yorkshire
Thanks @Woo2 x I haven't decided on carers tomorrow yet, waiting to see how mums cold is as it was still there this morning but was better in afternoon. Its not gone yet, it seems to be getting better but is usually back on a morning, gets better in afternoon and then sometimes starts again late afternoon/early evening. Today it seemed ok when we left and she didn't sound coldy when she rang tonight, though I didn't take much notice of that really, so I'm undecided if they should come or not tomorrow.
I hope she went to bed after we got off phone and gets some sleep, I'm going to go try but not sure how I'll do. Thanks for the hug 🤗 much appreciated tonight x I hope your day was ok x Night x
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
293
I think you are a saint! It must be so hard to see mum like that. I think you need to keep the carer, mum has had that cold for a little while so it’s probably not infectious if you’ve not got it.
You have to look to the future and keeping the carer visits going will be a break for you in the absence of the day centre.
It will be your chance to rest, so take it. Don’t iron (no one will see the crinkly clothes) just rest. Phone the doctor ,memory clinic and tell them she is worse. Keep telling them cos if you don’t they will let you continue coping until you can’t.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,313
Yorkshire
Thanks for your replies @Woo2 @Starting on a journey xx
Not sure if there's anything memory clinic can or will do but if they ring again as said would recently then I'll tell them about mum ringing more etc and see what they say and if it keeps on getting more frequent or she gets more upset I'll ring them myself.
Hoping mums cold is getting better today and she's had some sleep and feeling ok when I go over in a little bit and then I can let carer come this afternoon. 🤞
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,544
cornwall
Thanks for your replies @Woo2 @Starting on a journey xx
Not sure if there's anything memory clinic can or will do but if they ring again as said would recently then I'll tell them about mum ringing more etc and see what they say and if it keeps on getting more frequent or she gets more upset I'll ring them myself.
Hoping mums cold is getting better today and she's had some sleep and feeling ok when I go over in a little bit and then I can let carer come this afternoon. 🤞
Could it be hay fever? I have got it for the first time in 30 years.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
318
Amazing how we can still get colds when we are in isolation. I’ve had sniffles all week
Apparently the tree pollen is out of this world at the moment (highest levels in 70 years?!) so I would suggest it's more likely to be hayfever! Problem with hayfever being that you can take the nasal spray or tablets but they take a while to kick in so if it's only mild, it may pass in a few weeks anyway. And of course hayfever can cause a cough, too, which is extra annoying and worrying.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,313
Yorkshire
Thanks @TNJJ @imthedaughter xx we did wonder if hayfever as first started when she had mothers day flowers but they went a while ago and she got worse after that and hasn't really been outside but could be that or a sunmer cold.
 
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annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,313
Yorkshire
Rang mum to say bout to set off and she's been up since early hours with diarrhoea and had strip her bed and doesn't want me to go as she's shattered and not in mood for company and don't know if will start again once eats or drinks. Its an ongoing thing as she has diverticulitis. She often wants to just be in own but I have to go to give her tablets this morning and at lunchtime although not sure when she'll have lunch today. She's going to get fed up when I try to stay this morning and not going to want carer to come this afternoon either.
Arrived and she is in a mood and shattered as been up since two. All her bedding including quilt and mattress topper is soiled. She has left the sheets in bathroom on floor and won't let me move them yet as got mattress topper in washer. It pongs in house. She is shattered and grumpy but doesn't want me to do anything.
 
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Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,422
Hi @annielou, I've been reading your posts and thinking of you even though I've not posted much. I totally agree with everything @Starting on a journey has posted a few posts up. You need to keep in regular contact with memory clinic, GP and Social Workers and make it clear what is happening. Your poor mum must be so worried and confused about things and you have been fantastic at supporting her, but there is only so much you CAN do on your own without endangering your own health or your relationship with your equally saintly husband.
It sounds like your mum is getting to the stage where she might start to wander to find your dad, her mum or 'home'. If that happens you will really struggle to keep her safe.
Sorry I sound like a right old nag.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
318
Got to agree with @Sarasa - keep in touch with the SW and the memory team. I think hubby is right too you know, she doesn't know if she's at her home or yours or another quite a bit of the time.

On the 'stay at home' thing: As you live with hubby, and you have to care for mum, I think you (mum you and hubby) should be classed as one household in terms of social distancing, as you seeing your mum every day and caring for her and hubby coming over for dinner then you go home etc, so I would try not to worry about bringing mum over for the day. I'm sure some people would take the mick with this but yours is a genuine case.

So sorry today sounds like it's been a really bad start, but I hope the carer does come, today more than ever you need a hand. It's a sunny day here, hope you can get the bedding all washed.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,034
South East
Oh I’m sorry @annielou , mum is having this too so how much of it is diverticulitis and dementia I don’t know. Can you be a bit firm and suggest mum to go to bed for a while and then you can get washing done ? Thinking of you . 🤗 X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,313
Yorkshire
Thanks for your replies @Sarasa @imthedaughter @Woo2 xxx and the good advice I really appreciate it and will take it on board and contact memory team if don't hear from them soon.
I got caught up trying to get house clean while trying to stay on mums good side that I haven't had time to ring carers and cancel todays. They're due in an hour so bit late now.
I'm panicking now that Mum will probably go mad when realises coming. Don't know whether to play dumb now and let her turn up and say to mum I forgot coming today when she arrives.
I have managed to dust and hoover everywhere, cleaned carpet, cleaned bathroom and mopped bathroom floor so house smells of polish and bleach not poo now, but her quilt and mattress topper are still on line wet through and won't be dry before carer comes. We won't be able to make bed back up before she comes and I hope they do dry today. I'm not sure how mum will go on with making it herself and if will do it with carer there as she doesn't like them to do things with her.
I suppose I'll just have to see what happens and hope for best as can't do much else now.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
318
Thanks for your replies @Sarasa @imthedaughter @Woo2 xxx and the good advice I really appreciate it and will take it on board and contact memory team if don't hear from them soon.
I got caught up trying to get house clean while trying to stay on mums good side that I haven't had time to ring carers and cancel todays. They're due in an hour so bit late now.
I'm panicking now that Mum will probably go mad when realises coming. Don't know whether to play dumb now and let her turn up and say to mum I forgot coming today when she arrives.
I have managed to dust and hoover everywhere, cleaned carpet, cleaned bathroom and mopped bathroom floor so house smells of polish and bleach not poo now, but her quilt and mattress topper are still on line wet through and won't be dry before carer comes. We won't be able to make bed back up before she comes and I hope they do dry today. I'm not sure how mum will go on with making it herself and if will do it with carer there as she doesn't like them to do things with her.
I suppose I'll just have to see what happens and hope for best as can't do much else now.
Yes play dumb and let the carer take the lead and suggest - whether they entertain mum or get her to go for a nap or help with the clean up operation. Good luck!
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,034
South East
I too think play dumb but realise she has prob arrived now . I’m sure the carer will willingly help make the bed . Glad you got cleaned up .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,313
Yorkshire
Thanks xx I did play dumb @imthedaughter @Woo2 👍 I mentioned it just before carer arrived, at 5 to 2
Luckily after I finished cleaning just before one o'clock mums tummy rumbled and I asked if she wanted to try some lunch as she'd not been to loo while I'd been there. She said yes and I made us a sandwich and drink and we ate it chatting and watching a place in the sun and mum seemed to have relaxed and cheered up, although she did call me 'friend' a couple of times, but she was happier so I decided to give her a few minutes notice about carer. I knew hubby would text me before he set off a bit before 2 to pick me up so I decided to use that as a reminder.
When hubby text me at 5 to 2 to say he was setting off to pick me up I went into acting mode.
Mum heard beep and asked is that your phone love? I looked at it and said Its hubby saying he's just setting off to pick me up and put on a puzzled face, then said Oh its Tuesday today! ... (carer) will be coming so he'll be coming to pick me up, I forgot it was tuesday today. Mum said Oh yes, but I thought they werent coming cos of this virus thingy they didn't come last week. I told her that was because she had cold but she was getting better now so I'd not cancelled it this week and manager hadn't said they weren't coming so I thought they will be but I'd forgot it was today. She had a minute of Oh I hope my tummy dunt start again and I said you should be ok cos its been ok while I've been here. Then she worried cos her bed wasn't made but I told her carer can help her but mum said she'd do it herself later. Her washer finished then so I reminded her and she went out to put it on line which took her mind off carer coming and she arrived while mum was outside.
I had hoped to tell her mum was mixed up a lot this week and had had upset tummy this morning but mum came in before I had chance. I think carer knew she was mixed up though as I went to take my glass away and when I came back in room mum was telling carer her daughter Andrea had finished her decorating and even done the glossing but had forgot the radiator. I mouthed at carer 'that's me, she's lost me' and I think she got it as she smiled. And I told mum reason we'd left radiator is waiting till warm evening forecast so can paint it without turning it on before dried properly.
A bit later she mentioned my dad just dying after talking about news earlier mentioning non corona virus deaths so I said it was while ago mum and she said Oh was it? so I said yes a few years and she said Aye it was. But then a couple of minutes later carer was talking about husbands mum said to carer I think you saw him first time you came cos he was in front garden. Bless carer, she just smiled at me and said I didn't see him I think it must've been before my time I've maybe got a double and Mum said oh yes it would be. So I think carer was quickly introduced to fact mum is mixed up today without me telling her. Fingers crossed she goes on ok with her 🤞
I reminded mum she had washing on line so carer knew there was some out there and could remind mum later, don't know if mum will let her help with bed when brings quilt and topper in or not but if she doesn't ring me after carer leaves I'll ring mum and see if she's done it or needs me to go help.
She was happily chatting to carer when hubby and I left so we'll see how she goes on later. I hope she is ok and gets a good nights sleep tonight as she was up at 2 going to loo and will be shattered.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,034
South East
I’m please it all went ok and you can get away for a little break . Can you not get carers mobile number so you can communicate with her ? They do know the score though as I’m sure they have seen it lots before . Time now to not think about dementia for a couple of hours ;).
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,034
South East
Hi @annielou , hope you got some rest and time out earlier and that mum was happy enough with carer and got her bed done and you didn’t have to go back .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,313
Yorkshire
Thanks @Woo2 x Rang mum about 7 to check if her bedding was dry and her bed was made up which she went off to check as she couldn't remember and it was all made up and dry. We chatted for half an hour, mum told me a few times about them getting washing in and making bed, sometimes mum had made the bed with carer watching, others carer had made the bed but whichever way the quilt and mattress topper was dry cos they'd both checked and they'd made it up with the clean bedding that the 'other one' had left out this morning (that was me).
Mum told me she'd had a nice afternoon chatting to carer and told me how nice she was. She always says how nice they are when they've been which is like gold to me as I want her to like them:). She said they're both nice who come on an afternoon and the other ones nice too the boss one. I thought she meant the care manager who came out for the first meeting as mum had liked her and said after she left I wish she was coming cos she's lovely. Then she said a bit later they are both nice, they're different types of people but I like them both, well they're all nice the other one that comes who's in charge, she's nice too, she comes all day but they just come for an afternoon. I think she meant me🤔
She was quite bubbly on the phone, a bit mixed up and quite repeaty but I didn't mind. She didn't seem to know I'd been earlier but wasn't bothered she'd forgot. She asked me a few times if I'd go today which I said I would and she said she was glad. After about 25 minutes she said I'll get off now then, we started saying night etc and she sounded a bit quieter and not as bubbly like she didn't want to go so we chatted for a few more minutes and she told me again about carer being nice and then we said night etc again and hung up. She didn't ring back so I'm hoping she was ok and that she got some sleep last night after being up in night before.
I was glad I got too busy cleaning up to cancel carer yesterday as mum was ok when they came and I got a few hours ironing in and hubby and I had a jacket potatoe with last nights dinner which we don't have with mum as she doesn't like them and wants us all to have same. An odd thing to be happy about really but it made a nice change for us. I did feel a bit bad though because when I rang mum at 7 she sounded a bit coldy again. Her cold had been fine all the time I was there yesterday and when carer came she asked mum if she was better and mum said Yes I think its finally gone, which we did. But when I rang her last night she sounded a bit coldy and she said it had come back a bit in afternoon and mum told me carer said Has your cold come back? and asked if she wanted anything for it. I'm hoping she didn't mind that she was there with mums cold, I did think it had gone, it doesn't sound like it was bad but I feel bad she was there while mums cold came back a bit, although they do sit apart but I would have cancelled if thought it was still bad.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,034
South East
It all sounds like a good afternoon after the difficult start to the day :) mum def likes her carers which as you say is great , when you said about the boss one I instantly thought she meant you. Glad bed was done and you didn’t have to go back , I knew carer would help do that , they are there to help and prob enjoy doing something different . If they were worried about mums cold you will soon hear . I’m sure they mentioned in conversation and not that they are concerned . Jacket potato sounds lovely and I understand about little things making a change and happy . We would like to have some foods a little spicier or even a curry, Mum won’t eat chili when I told her what it was then I made it again last week and gave her a spoonful to try and she liked it , I had tamed it down quite a bit . Hope mum is feeling better this morning after a good nights sleep. X