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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,787
cornwall
Not sure if should contact care agency and tell them mum was bit snuffly at weekend. She had bit of cough n bit sniffy on saturday but by mid afternoon was ok for rest of day. Yesterday she said was a bit stuffed up so took paracetomols was ok most of day till evening wen had bit snuffly head but hasn't mentioned it and sounds fine today. I think it was probably just a snuffly cold or maybe a bit of hayfever as my sister sent flowers and they have been irritating me a bit too.
I would leave it. If it gets worse and more symptoms appear than ok.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,629
Bedford
I think I had a 48hr cold, bit of runny cold and sore throat, a few aches but fine now so hope your Mum is well again soon. I guess you could wait until about 4pm and make a decision about the agency.
Story to hear about your potato deprivation @Woo2. We could get spuds at the local farm shop the other day. Have you got anything similar. We are lucky as it does fruit, egg and veg and nought else. Mind you tomorrow when it reopens it may well be a different matter based on the cars there Saturday pm. I can post some if you like!
I guess as you say @annielouit is time to be creative with food but difficult when the PWD will only eat certain items.
I hope you both managed to have a bit of a mother’s day celebration.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,709
Yorkshire
Thanks @TNJJ @Bikerbeth xx
I kept thinking about it and decided to let care agency know this afternoon about mum and give them chance to decide if send carer or not. Unfortunately my phone was playing up and screen kept sticking and hanging me up so I ended up emailing instead, but haven't had a reply yet. Maybe manager I addressed it to was busy today or not in so may reply tomorrow. Mum didn't show any signs of sniffing or coughing today so hopefully the sniffle has gone now.
I think mums day centre will close now and not sure whether carers will stop soon too.
I still need to visit mum every day to give her her medication, make dinner and make sure she's ok , according to tonights new update I should still be able to visit mum as allowed to visit vulnerable person to help and provide care. I have to go on buses which were quiet this morning and are now on saturday service from today, but I'm wondering if after tonights announcement they'll reduce them further or stop them altogether which will make things tricky.
I don't want to go back to staying on fold up bed at mums as it was so hard last time mentally and physically and either hubby or mum and I were going back to my house and bringing me more clean clothes etc every couple of days as there's nowhere to keep my things at mums. It may be better for mum to come to our house but there's my stairs to worry about along with the confusion it will cause her why she is here and worry about her house, which she is often already confused about. Also I feel like if I go back to staying with mum/her staying with me she won't be able to cope being alone at all when this is over. If it comes to it and I fear it probably will soon, then we'll have to do it but I just keep hoping we can carry on as we are with me visiting daily but sleeping in our own houses.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
439
Is your husband doing essential work that requires him to be in the office?
If not, perhaps he could take you?
I think they will keep some buses on but a reduced service.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,629
Bedford
Obviously you can still go to your Mum’s but can see that it will get harder for you. Hopefully the buses will still run at reasonable times as some ‘essential workers’ (and that includes you) will still need them. My heart goes out to you, you really did not need any extra challenges. Hope the carers are still able to come
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,709
Yorkshire
Thanks @Starting on a journey @Bikerbeth At moment he has to be at work in the office but he thinks IT team may have worked out a way for him to be able to work from home soon so fingers crossed 🤞 that will happen and then he could be my taxi and save needing to use buses. Although I might have to change time I set off to earlier to fit in with when he should be working as he should be home to work during their old opening hours but I suppose we'll figure that out if he can work at home. Its a lot of changes and very scary times ahead for us all isn't it x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,629
Bedford
Thanks @Starting on a journey @Bikerbeth At moment he has to be at work in the office but he thinks IT team may have worked out a way for him to be able to work from home soon so fingers crossed 🤞 that will happen and then he could be my taxi and save needing to use buses. Although I might have to change time I set off to earlier to fit in with when he should be working as he should be home to work during their old opening hours but I suppose we'll figure that out if he can work at home. Its a lot of changes and very scary times ahead for us all isn't it x
It certainly is. I don’t think most of us like change in our home lives and routines even if we understand the logic behind it all.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,787
cornwall
I’m down to seeing both parents once a week.Dad has carers.Mum none...On a completely different note I’m turning my back garden into a veg plot..At least I won’t have to shop.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,629
Bedford
I’m down to seeing both parents once a week.Dad has carers.Mum none...On a completely different note I’m turning my back garden into a veg plot..At least I won’t have to shop.
So you can join the Autumn photo competition of our best veg:D
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,629
Bedford
Cheeky mare☺.Do we have one??It gives me something to do for 3 weeks.There is only so much housecleaning I can do.😀
Hi yes we are. I am currently digging weeds out of my veg beds. Hopefully will be able to plant some next week but having frosts here at the moment.
We had already decided before latest update I will do garden and OH will do decorating.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,787
cornwall
Hi yes we are. I am currently digging weeds out of my veg beds. Hopefully will be able to plant some next week but having frosts here at the moment.
We had already decided before latest update I will do garden and OH will do decorating.
sounds good.There is only so much I can do.No OH so trying to do both.But love gardening more☺
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,775
South East
Hi @annielou , @Bikerbeth 😊 , sorry for silence . I felt rough so was just sleeping and doing the bare minimum , feel back to normal now though thank goodness . Hope mum is better now , and that you got a response about carer’s ! I understand you don’t want to stay at mums (I agree that it will make it harder to leave her and her to cope ) also not sure her coming to you will be any easier on any of you but you don’t have so many choices so got to do what’s best for you or the least worst option . Hope you got this afternoon away . Glad you are feeling better @Bikerbeth:). Mum hasn’t gone , I emailed them yesterday to say with vulnerable fil I wouldn't take the risk . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,709
Yorkshire
Glad you're both feeling better @Bikerbeth @Woo2 xx
Mum has been fine yesterday and today, I think it was either a little cold or maybe even hayfever as my sister sent flowers on friday that when I'm near for a while make me feel itchy eyed and sniffy etc.
I didn't hear back from care agency but mums tuesday carer came this afternoon. Mum actually was quite calm about her coming today, and was fine with her being there. She is lovely, like other carer is, so that is good. I stayed chatting with them for a while before leaving to come home. I don't know how long they will carry on coming for in current state we're in so we'll have to see.
Mum thought I was 'friend' again today right from me turning up this morning, but weirdly once carer arrived I was back to being Andie and her talking about me like I'm her daughter. I've barely been me lately but luckily on Sunday, Mothers day, she knew I was me for most of the day which meant she understood why I was giving her mothers day card and pressie, although she did say in the afternoon Our Andie hasn't sent me a mothers day card.
She's still keeps being confused about her house and old houses and kept talking about this party she says she went to with her brother a few years ago where she gave someone her bank card to get her some money out and didn't get it back. I know she has never given someone her card and I'm not sure when or if the party happened. The story keeps changing and included my dad yesterday which I know would never have happened as besides them not being together for 29 years even when they were together dad didn't go to parties with mums family. I tried to explain that even if she had left her card with someone she never knows her pin so couldn't have told anyone it, the card would be out of date now, and we know her pension is going into current account with card she has now as we draw it out every week and have seen it on her bank statement, she did seem reassured and she didn't mention it today thankfully.
Unfortunately tonight she has started worrying about the corona virus and about me going to see her and if I'm allowed to, she rung me twice tonight to tell me not to go tomorrow. She said she'll be ok on her own, she won't be bless her but she thinks she can manage. She said she can either take her tablets herself or not bother with them. Mum kept telling me it says on news we can't go out only for shopping and you might catch it on bus and I don't want anything to happen to you. Luckily hubby should be able to work from home from tomorrow so he will be able to take me in car to mums so I won't have to go on buses and I told her that. I also told her I was allowed to go to see her to care for her but she was still worried and kept saying well you can't stay all day and still sounded worried. I hope she gets some sleep tonight and isn't up worrying about it.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,629
Bedford
Glad to hear it has been a little better for you and maybe the flowers were the culprit not a cold.
Brilliant that it worked well with the Carer and maybe they will be able to continue. I say this because in our area I have seen jobs for ‘befriender/cleaner carers’ as well as personal carers. Possibly because there is this need for help and not with the physical needs. My Mum was a good example. But also such a shortage of ‘personal carers’ in normal times never mind now.
Glad to hear that you could celebrate Mother's Day and that hubby could be working from home shortly.
I guess your Mum is picking up on the virus from The News. It is hard when you need to know what is going on. Do you think it is possible that your Mum ‘picked something up from the TV’. that has started the bank card and house story?
Hope today is an easy day
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,709
Yorkshire
Thanks @Bikerbeth x Mum often panics about money, if pension going in bank, are bills paid, does she owe you something because she can't remember and now she gets hubby and friends hubby mixed up she oftens thinks she gave other one her card when she was with them and needs to get it back to give this one so he can get her some money. But the idea of her being at a party with her brother and giving someone her card to get some money out is new.
She hasn't been to a party with my uncle in a lot of years and never with my dad as said yesterday and I'm sure she's never given anyone her card and forgot to get it back because in the whole history of her having a bank card she has never known her pin and we've always drawn money out for her. She tried to use machine a few times with us there telling her what to do but didn't like it and would just get us or my sister to do it. I did wonder if because she'd rung her brother the other day to ask about her mum dying if it had brought him forward in her memory and she'd dreaned this party. It could be she's seen something on tv though as she does mix things from tv up with real life so maybe she had seen a party with a bank card story on tv.
Its sad but there is always something mum is panicking about, where she lives, her furniture, her important papers, if she has paid rent, has she got life insurance, does she get her pension, has she seen our Andie, all sorts of stuff she can't remember properly that seem to take it in turns to come to fore.
The last few weeks when I get there on a morning, most days she has had a pad out with questions written on like did I see Andrea and hubby yesterday, whose house did I go to on Saturday, did I pay for shopping, did I give hubby/friends hubby bank card, is this ..., (her address), is ..(dad) dead, how long since my mum died. They're things she worried about night before and wrote down to check with me next day. Its sad to see these things wrote down but a few weeks ago she'd been telling me about forgetting things and that on a night she thinks of jobs or things she wants to do but forgets them by morning. Also at night she sometimes can't remember things like where things are, what she's done and worries about them and cant sleep so I said I have a pad that i write things down on before I go to sleep that I want to remember to do tomorrow and i know they're wrote down so I don't have to worry bout them or try to remember them because I'll see it in morning so it helps get it off my mind so I can sleep and I suggested she do same. So I think that's what she's been doing with pad if she's worrying about things at night she's wrote it down to ask next day.
The virus was all over news yesterday and we did end up talking about it a couple of times including with carer and I think she had news on when she rang me second time yesterday. Its hard to avoid it as its on loads each day and all anyone is talking about so I think now mums getting more aware of it she'll be worrying about it now. Hoping today I can distract her from it a bit to let me stay with her without too much upset X
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,775
South East
Glad mum is better and it was nothing major, and that she has had a relatively calm few days . Funny how having the carer there has got Mum seeing you as daughter again , the mind is such a complex thing and I’m sure we will never fully understand it . Hope today goes ok for you . 🤞 Take care . X
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,836
Hope your mum got to the day centre today @annielou and that you are at home doing what you want to do.
My mum would muddle things up, splice two stories into one. Fortunately I knew most of her stories and could follow the thread. She also got worried about news events. She kept on phoning the fire brigade after the Glenfell tragedy as she was convinced her attic was on fire for instance. I think your mum is remembering a few random things and is trying to make a coherent story out of it all.
Glad your husband is going to be working from home, that may well give you some more flexibility for looking after your mum.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,709
Yorkshire
Thanks @Woo2 @Sarasa xx It is weird, I was thinking about it this morning and remembered it has happened before with my uncle and his wife. Mum had been calling me friend all morning and then when they turned up she said Put kettle on Andie and then knew I was me again.
At mums today no day centre. Mum said last night, while worrying about virus, that she wasn't going to go to day centre today as she was worried about if safe to go especially after her sniffles and cough she'd had and now the manager has said its going to be closed until further notice now so no more visits for a while
Mum wasn't happy I was coming today said she'd be ok on own and could do own tablets or not bother with them 😳 But hubby brought me in car and knowing that settled her a bit as I didn't have to come on buses.
She was a bit stuffy and sniffy this morning but its gone off again now. She does tell me periodically I can go home and if I stay then no hugs n kisses. I'm on other sofa across room from her, we're a bit like phil & holly on this morning, maintaining a distance 😊
Yes mums probably merging things together and adding bits in 2+2=5 kind of way. That must have been awkward Sarasa and scary for mum if thought it was her home on fire. Its a cruel disease worrying our loved ones for nothing.
Hope you both have good days x🤗