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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,739
0
Bedford
I am glad that there has been a little progress. Hopefully it will continue to proceed straightforwardly.
I did not have to go through the same process but all these added bits like having to give notice to the landlord but not wanting to until the final decision is made and add to that the housing benefit just adds to the stress levels.
Sending you some 🤗🤗🤗. I hope you enjoyed the rest of your weekend.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,257
0
South East
Brill news about visit , It’s so encouraging to hear how much our loved ones can settle with the right care , well done @annielou on getting that right care for your mum 🤗
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
716
0
So lovely to hear that you had such a good visit with your mum @annielou and she is settling well. I hope decisions get finalised soon so you can get things sorted x
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,886
0
Yorkshire
Had another visit with mum through the glass door at CH today but it didn't go great this week. Mum was standing at the door as hubby and I walked round to it today so they must have told her we had come as we were walking through garden. Mum recognised us and we said hello etc. Mum was trying to open the door to let us in so we told her we couldn't come in but we could chat through door. She wanted to know why we couldn't go in and why she couldn't get out. I told her it was cos of the virus we couldn't mix but we could chat through door. A staff member came and gave mum her glasses, mum said Thanks to her and then told us I lost them and she found them for me . Mum asked if hubby and I were both ok , we said we were and asked mum if she was, mum said yeah then she started trying door again, said it wouldn't open and went off into corridor I asked where she was going and she said To ask someone to open door. I shouted a bit louder so she could hear me from the corridor and asked her to come back, which she did and I told her we can't come in but we can chat here She asked how she could get out and wasn't she coming home? I told her not today. Mum asked how long she'd to stay there for so I said the usual that we didn't know yet, DRS still needed to keep an eye on her but hadn't said. Mum said DRs were rubbish and she was fed up.

I asked mum to come over to glass panel at side of door so we could see each other better and tried to change subject. I told her she looked pretty, mum said so did I and hubby looked good too. She was eating a chocolate which she said she'd had enough off cos it was too chewy so she was going to throw it in bin and she went off to throw it away. When she came back we tried chatting but she kept asking why she couldn't open the door. I said We couldn't come in cos of virus. Mum said Well how can I get out to you? I said she couldn't at minute, we aren't allowed to mix. Mum said But it's weekend I always come out with you at weekends I said I know but we can't go anywhere at moment cos everywhere is shut cos of this virus. She said Oh yeah, well will I see you later. I said I'm here now we can talk now though glass, mum said Ok and we chatted for a minute but then she set off again I asked where she was going and mum said For my coat and wandered off out of sight.

Mum came back onto corridor a minute later and one of staff was passing so she said Are you coming to talk to your daughter and mum said Yeah and came back to entrance, she asked What's your daughters name? and mum said Andrea. She said What's your other one called? and mum told her my sisters name and said but said she's up in Scotland. Staff member said Are you going to chat with Andrea then and mum came back to glass panel to us. I showed mum her goody bag and she laughed cos it looked fat and then she said Are you going to take it home for me? I said It's for while you're here. Mum said But I'll have to carry it round, it looks heavy. I said I'll give it to one of staff later and they can put it in your room for you and mum said Oh good and she smiled. We chatted a few minutes and joked a bit about some of things I'd put in her goody bag. I'd taken some photos I'd printed off of her great grandson and we told her about them which she was pleased about. I said she could keep them in her box with her other photos, mum asked What box? so I described her photo box and she said Oh I don't know if I've got it. I told her she had cos I'd packed it her so it would probably be in her bedroom. Mum said I dont know where, I'm not right good with things. I said That's ok ask one of staff to help you find it I'm sure they won't mind and mum said Oh ok and then she asked hubby was he not working today. Hubby told her no cos it's saturday and we talked a bit about him working from home.

It was quite hard to keep mums attention today, she didn't seem as settled, she hadn't got a chair this week which might have had something to do with it and she kept turning round and wandering off. There were two men sat in the corridor behind the entrance, one was sat on a seat and the other was resting on a table and when staff member next came by she went to get him a chair. Mum turned round and was watching them, then she told us He always says thank you my love cos he's really nice. There was also a lady walking up and down corridor and mum kept turning to look at her as she passed. She said Hello and mum said hello back and asked if she was ok and lady said she was and then on next trip by she said hello and I'm ok. Mum went back to trying and asking about us opening door and when the lady walked past again mum said she was going to ask someone to open it and walked off with her and then came back with her a few seconds later. As they got to entrance mum told the lady she was going out soon so she wasn't going that way with her. The lady said ok and carried on down corridor and mum came back to us at the glass panel.

We tried to chat for a few minutes and mum did smile and laugh a couple of times when I tried to take a selfie of us both but the glass was reflecting so couldn't really see mum on it proper and then I took a close up of me by accident with a good view up my nose which she laughed at but then Mum said Ok I'll see you later then. I said You don't need to go yet we can chat bit longer. Mum said we'll be having our dinner soon. I asked her if she was eating a bit better now and mum said she tried but she got fed up and full up. Hubby asked if she knew what she was having for lunch. Mum said she didn't know but it was probably rubbish, she said she didn't really like the food. I suggested she ask them for something else and mum said I can't be bothered it's ok really I'm just not bothered. I said Well try to eat for me mum I don't want you to lose any more weight you need to build your strength back up and fatten up a bit. She said Ok but it's not right nice. So I said Well eat your crisps and sweets we brought then and Mum said Aye. I joked we needed fatten her up and she laughed.

Mum asked again when she was coming home and I said I didn't know, she'd to stay a bit longer. She asked why? so I said The drs still want to keep eye on you. Mum said Why I'm ok. I fibbed and I said They want to check you're ok on your tablets. Mum said They're a pain. I don't like it, I'm fed up of being here. Why can't you come in? I said We can't at minute because we're not allowed to mix cos of this corona virus. Mum pulled a face and said Can I came home then? I said Not at the minute, but we can visit and talk to you like this. Mum said But I'm in here with these people and they might catch my germs. I think mum thought she was there and we couldn't go in because she had virus. I said You've not got no germs mum you've not got the virus, we just can't come in in case we bring it in from out here. She said Oh ok. Then she asked hubby why he wasn't at work and we talked a minute about him working from home before Mum said again Ok well I'll see you later. I'll be out later, Our L(her brother) will come. She was talking quiet so we didn't catch it all but she said something about her brother coming and dropping her off and he'd be in and out though cos he doesn't stay long so she'd see us later.

Mum went to leave again. I said Don't you want to chat a bit more, mum said No I best go cos she's about. The lady was still walking up and down the corridor so I said It's ok mum she's just getting some exercise. Mum said She's not she's listening. I said again She's not she's just having a little walk she's not bothered about us we're fine to talk. Mum said I don't know where she's going, I don't think she does either, there's nowhere to go. Mum laughed so we did and I said Well she'll be lovely and fit with all this walking. I told mum I go on treadmill at home and we tried to get her chatting again but she kept looking round at the men sat in corridor and lady walking past. She just wasn't relaxed and in between answering us, or us saying something to mum she said a couple more times Ok love I'll see you later. So we gave in and I said Ok will you ask a staff member to come buzz me out of gate. Mum went on corridor and spoke to one of the men and then came back and said He doesn't know. I said s Not to worry someone will come along soon. We're not in a rush we can talk to you. Mum said It's ok I'll go look this way instead. I'll see you both later. So I said Ok mum love you lots and hubby said bye. Mum said Bye and went off down corridor. A minute later staff member came and I handed mums goody bag in and she buzzed us out. I didn't even get to wave today as mum didn't come back with her to door.

I don't think mum understood today what we were doing, why we weren't going in or why she wasn't coming out to us. She didn't get angry or upset, she just seemed confused about it and not settled. I think she may have been better if she'd had a chair to sit on like last week cos then she might have felt like she could stay a while rather than standing up which I think feels temporary and more rushed like you're just passing and not going to be there long. Also cos mum was standing up she kept moving about and turning round and trying the door where as last week they put her a chair to the side of the door in front of glass panel and she was facing me and didn't turn round as much so she probably wouldn't have noticed the people in corridor as much if she'd been sat again today. So it wasn't really a good visit today and it left me feeling sad. It didn't last long, about 15 minutes and mum was on the move for a bit of that. I hope next weeks visit is a bit better 🤞 If I see member of staff next week I think I'll ask for a chair for mum to see if that helps her settle for visit a bit better though I expect she won't always settle for a visit or understand why it's through glass door.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,257
0
South East
It does sound like there was too many distractions today for mum to be able to relax , I’m sorry . Would def have a word about it with staff before next visit kindly and see if they can arrange a chair and maybe less people around . Sounds like you did well to bat off the questions about coming out , you going in etc . Try not too feel too bad , she didn’t seem distressed just too much going on inside . 🤗
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
716
0
Yes it's very confusing for residents to understand why they can't come out, or family go in. Lots of distractions going on too today by the sound of it. A good idea to get a chair sorted for next time, I agree.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,886
0
Yorkshire
Thanks @Woo2 @anxious annie xx Last week a staff member brought mum to door as I was arriving and we both explained I couldn't go in when mum asked and we could visit through door instead, She also asked us both if we wanted a chair. I said I wasn't bothered and so did mum but nurse who was nearby got mum one anyway and so mum sat down. This week mum was on her own at the door when we arrived, I think maybe staff member had gone to get mums glasses as she arrived a minute later with them but then she went again. I don't know if she'd asked mum about a chair before I arrived or not thought about it but I think next week if we see staff we'll ask for mum a chair as I think it might help her feel like visiting and we're not just on way in or her on way out to us. There was a lady sitting in corridor behind entrance at last weeks visit but mum didn't notice her as much as she was sat facing me. I think maybe residents like to sit there near the entrance as sometimes when I've dropped mums goody bag off there has been someone sat there too. I think it's next to the dining room so maybe they're waiting for lunch too, or they may just like sitting there.
I'm trying to tell myself that even though mum seemed a bit sad at times when she talked about being there and said she was fed up there, and she was confused and unsettled over visit at least she didn't get angry or too upset and was quite calm so I'm hoping it hasn't spoiled her day.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,257
0
South East
I’m sure too @annielou you have not upset her , but like bikerbeths mum , having fun while she was worrying , you are worrying and mum has probably long since moved on . Be kind to you , you are doing just great . 🤗
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
552
0
My dad was like that for months @annielou - constantly telling me he was moving, or going, or his 'course' was ending, or the NHS were going to throw him out, or whatever else. But he did eventually seem to accept it as his home, rather than a temporary visit. At first this was just some of the time but it does seem more consistent now.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,739
0
Bedford
Sorry to hear that this visit was not so good. I also think if your Mum could be seated (and maybe you too) it would help, perhaps the distractions would not be so distracting. The Dr is always a good one to use to say why a resident has to stay longer and it will take time but gradually the home will become home. My Mum never asks now when she is going home Although she will say occasionally she would like a little cottage or flat to live in.
It is hard when it is such an unnatural situation but you dealt with it well. Give yourself a pat on the back. I guess visits to your Mum at the home emotionally will be similar to when you visited her in her ‘old house’ - some good and some bad and you will never know until you arrive.
I am sure that it will not have spoilt your Mum’s day, she’s probably told the other residents she saw her daughter today and got a goody bag and then she probably joined the others at lunch. The main thing was that your Mum was not angry or upset.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,886
0
Yorkshire
Thats true @Bikerbeth x I know all visits won't go well, like you say they didn't when she was at her house and so won't here. I was surprised last week went so well, there were odd tricky moments but it was overall good, but this week we just couldn't get mum to engage and keep her attention so I will defo try asking for a chair next time to see if it helps keep her more settled and less distracted. Mum didn't seem upset or angry yesterday, just a bit sad at times but mostly just confused and distracted so not settled which was a shame cos we didn't get to chat or laugh much at all. We left with her and me smiling last week but not this week. I don't think she was upset though, just not grasping it was a visit so bit confused what happening. I was worried that would set her off being unsettled and unsure what had happened for rest of day, but hopefully she will have forgot it soon after. I'd dropped her goody bag off and put a little note in so hopefully when she got that it would have made her happy. x
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,318
0
Hi @annielou, I'm glad you're getting to visit your mum regularly. As you said not all visits will go as well as the one the previous week, but the one this week sounded pretty good, considering your mum was a bit distracted. I think you are doing well at deflecting the wanting to go home questions too.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,886
0
Yorkshire
Thanks @Sarasa x
Just seen a video on fb page of CH mum is in of some residents watching through a window as one of staff releases doves for remeberance sunday and I spotted mum on it. It made me cry, 😢🙂 I was happy to see mum was watching and waved 😊 I also noticed mum was wearing different clothes to yesterday which I was also pleased about as she'd been getting mixed up and putting same things back on again instead of fresh before she went in CH and they said she'd been doing it there but they try to catch her and help. It was nice to see her again. 😍
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,739
0
Bedford
So pleased you got to see your Mum on a FB video. I find it really helps to see what Mum is doing, even if some times she is not enthralled by an activity.