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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,766
Yorkshire
Thanks @notsogooddtr @Sarasa @Bikerbeth xxx
They didn't say how long would be before decisions are made but my sister says she's thinking it may be a few weeks as CHC asked CH for some care reports for her to look over and said that after she's read those then she'll do her report and recommendation and then send it on and talk it over with mums SW at SS. Then it has to go back CHC to be finalised and give us time to appeal if we want, which we won't and don't think SS will either. Then I think SW has to do report if recommending they pay for mums care and pass that to her boss to be agreed.
I thought things would have been quicker once had DST meeting this week. Mums landlords have been in touch asking if we know if mum will be returning home and I've told them we don't know yet, I said there was a meeting this week and we should know more after it but we don't so I'll have to tell them we still don't know yet. I've also had letter from AA asking which home mum is in and who is paying for her care which I can't answer as I'm not sure yet who will be paying for it. Currently its NHS but think it will be SS, I have a few weeks to reply by so I'm hoping we find out soon so I can send it back in time. I wish they'd get a move on as I don't want to tell people mum is staying in CH and give up her house till it's been officially confirmed.
I really want to see mum tomorrow but I'm also really nervous how she'll react. I feel a bit stumped for what to say to mum tomorrow, it's been weeks since I last spoke to her and I really don't know how she's going to be but I'll try my best to look and sound positive. :)
We're picking up our click and collect shopping after the visit and then popping to in laws to hand over FILs birthday present ready for his birthday that's coming up soon. That'll have to be a drop off and quick chat at the door though as we're in tier 3 and not allowed to mix with other households in homes or even gardens :( Then back home to put our shopping away.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,122
North West
Hi @annielou

I too have been putting my shopping away in a far smaller kitchen after a long day of dealing with care issues, some I have posted about and others I have not.

I think you need to appeal the CHC assesment given what you have said about your mum, especially the PVD aspect of her health and care needs. I would ask for an experineced nurse to do the assessemnt and not the SW as they often underestimate care needs -they with all good intentons are not qualified to assess healthcare needs.

Hoping your visit goes well, remember to smile and put on a brave face -thats so important
xx
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
...........I think you need to appeal the CHC assesment given what you have said about your mum, especially the PVD aspect of her health and care needs. I would ask for an experineced nurse to do the assessemnt and not the SW as they often underestimate care needs -they with all good intentons are not qualified to assess healthcare needs.
Sorry, but what are CHC and PVD abbreviations for please.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,958
South East
I think you will soon settle in to conversation with Mum @annielou , it’s a shame you can’t tell these organizations what’s happening but I’m sure they are half prepared as there must be lots of people during lockdown etc that haven’t been able to finalize things . I would be tempted to call the AA dept and just let them know the current position and also the same with the landlord , you can’t be expected to do anything until you know for sure . Hope visit goes well . 👍 :)
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,006
Hope it goes well today. Be bouncy and upbeat and take loads of treats.
I hope you get a proper decision about what is happening very soon.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,766
Yorkshire
Thank you for replies xxxxx
We weren't expecting mum to receive funding from CHC as she's not having any nursing care. NHS paid for her to go to Care Home from hospital rather than straight to her own home to be assess her care needs because we'd told them how I was struggling to keep mum safe and that the Social Services Social Worker who'd recently seen mum had said she thought mum should be in a CH but as yet didn't have enough evidence to get court order and mum wouldn't go voluntarily. I think person from CHC at mondays meeting was a nurse, my sister said she was listed as a registered nurse on teams invite and she mentioned being a community nurse in meeting. The Deputy Manager said mum doesn't have nursing care at present and hospital report had said she didn't require it.
Mums peripheral arterial disease was diagnosed quite a while ago as she was having pain in her left leg. The hospital said an artery had narrowed/clogged up, they suggested she take a statin as her cholestrol was a bit high and wouldn't help matters and suggested some gentle exercise and monitored her leg a few times, over a year it didn't get any worse and mum was coping better with it so they discharged her. a She is supposed to have check up where do blood tests cholestrol blood pressure etc at own DRs each year. Mum took the statins for a couple of years but then stopped taking them and stopped going to the DRs but I got her to go again the last couple of years. Her blood pressure has been quite high for quite a few years but she's not taken tablets before but it looks like the hospital have put her on a couple of extra tablets after she was there. Which if they help mum is fair enough.
SS should hopefully agree mum should stay in CH and pay the costs as they have been saying that is what they'll do, it's just waiting for it all to happen which is very slow. I won't believe it till they say for definate so don't want to give up mums house yet.
Its very windy this morning and now raining so it's not very encouraging for my visit stood on doorstep at CH. I'm nervous as heck about how things will be with mum, but so desperate to see her too. Thanks for the support and good wishes. I'm off to get ready and practice smiling, :) 😁
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,766
Yorkshire
I had my visit with mum and it went well. I waited at the entrance door and saw carer coming with mum behind her, when mum saw me she broke into a big smile and said It's our Andie. I waved like a loon and shouted Hello mum. Mum was smiling and said Hello love as carer brought her to door. Mum asked if I was coming in so carer said Sorry she's not allowed in but you can see her through door and I said I can't come in mum but we can have a chat through the glass here and mum and I both moved closer to plain glass on side of door. I asked if I needed to keep my mask on and she said no so I took it off so mum could see and hear me better. I handed mums goody bag in and they got mum a chair. They offered me one but I said I was ok without one but afterwards wished I had as mum was lower than me sat down so I kept bobbing down to her level which is not easy with my arthritic knees but it didn't put me off and it made mum laugh a few times as I bobbed up n down every so often.
Mum looked thinner than last time I saw her but I expected that from what been told by SW and CH, her face was a lot thinner, but she didn't look distressed or ill and she smiled at me a lot during the visit. Her hair had grown and was a bit wavy and slightly wild but looked clean and not as wild as it was before as she's not very good at doing anything with it now. Her clothes looked looser but she looked ok, they were staying up and they were clean. She had a bruise on her arm which she thought was from when she fell last week.
She said she could hear me ok but I couldn't always hear her well but I managed to hear some and guess some bits too. I said You must talk quieter than me mum and she said Thats not like me I used to shout but I don't so much now and laughed. I said We'll have to mime, I know we'll do what I did with (hubby) when I waved him off to work. I pointed to my eye, my heart and then mum (i love you) mum grinned and did it back, I remembered a daft thing we used to, I think off an advert, we used to mime spreading butter and mouth flora, so I said Oh we can do what we used to do when I was little, I did it and mum burst out laughing and did it back, it was lovely she remembered that.
Mum said it was lovely to see me and I told her it was lovely to see her. I told her I'd brought her a goody bag and what was in it, she smiled and said Ooh lovely.
She asked where (my hubby) was and I said in the car cos I'd only gave them my name so I'll bring him next time. Mum said I'm coming home aren't I soon, aren't I coming with you? I said Not today, you've to stay her a bit longer, Mum said Oh ok. Have they said how long? I said No and mum said they hadn't told her either or why so I said The Drs want to keep an eye your for a bit to make sure you're ok. Mum nodded and said she was ok but she'd fallen twice. I told her it's probably cos you're not eating much so you're a bit wobbly. Mum agreed so I said You need to eat a bit more and build your strength back up and mum said I will.
She asked if I was ok and if my hubby was and if we'd been up to anything. I said we hadn't really cos not allowed to go anywhere or mix with people because of corona virus restrictions so we chatted a minute about that being a pain in bum but keeping us safe. I said we were going to supermarket later to pick up our shopping and then to inlaws to drop off FILs birthday present but couldn't go in. Mum asked if I'd got her any shopping which is what she used to say every week when she was at home, I said I've brought you some I gave it them when I came and mum said Oh yes, good thank you love.
Mum asked me if I'd missed her and I said I had, I think about her lots and I love her lots, she smiled and told me she loved me too. She asked if I'd seen W (my dad) I said No, Mum said something about him not being to see her and he was probably with his brother, and something about he was rubbish, she was talking a bit quieter so I didn't catch everything so I just said Well don't bother bout him Mum we're better off without him he was rubbish anyway and she agreed. She asked if I'd seen my sister, I said no cos of restrictions but in touch on phone and said I'll get her on phone so you can see her and wave. Mum said it didn't matter long as was ok but I said sis would like to see her for a minute so face timed my sister and they shouted hello and waved at each other for a couple of minutes.
Mum asked what I'd been doing, I said not a lot cos of restrictions but I showed her a photo of couple of things I'd sewn recently and talked about going on my treadmill, made her laugh doing impression of me on it. We talked about hubby working from home and liking only having a minute commute into kitchen each day and being able to wear his slippers. Mum thought that was funny and joked about him forgetting and wearing slippers when he goes back to work and we laughed about him wearing work clothes and slippers going into a board meeting.
Mum asked about my dad again and I said similar thing as before, she didn't seem too upset by it and after she nodded to agree with me I changed the subject and showed her some photos of my sister grandson on my phone cos she loves that. I told her I'd print some off as proper photos for next week and she could put them in her photo box which she was pleased about.
Mums hair has grown so I said I'd take her a bobble next week so she could put it up if she wanted. Mum said mine looked nice and I looked pretty. Bless her I joked about my skin being bit spotty and how last week I had a big zit on my chin so I'd been glad I could cover it up with a mask which had us joking about masks and I stood behind one of the pumpkin stickers on the window so my eyes were in the eye holes which mum laughed even more at. Mum asked if I'd come again and I said I would, hopefully next week and mum said Lovely and gave me a big smile .:)
Mum asked again if I knew how long she had to stay there, I said I didn't know, mum said they hadn't told her why or how long. I said the DRs want to keep an eye on you. Mum said Why? I said I think it's since you fell they want to make sure you're ok and they gave you some new tablets so they'll want to make sure you are ok on them. She nodded and said Aye they will. She didn't seem too bothered by it. I said You need to get stronger, you'll have to start eating some more and mum nodded. I said You need some spinach like popeye and flexed my arm like I had muscles and mum laughed. I said At least you've plenty of people to talk to here haven't you and mum said Aye and smiled. I mentioned the deputy manager said mum made him laugh and I'd told him mum was funny and liked a laugh and mum smiled at that and told me he was nice. I asked mum if she'd been doing her colouring and mum looked a bit sad and said Not much I forget. I said have you been doing your puzzles then and mum said she had, I told her I'd brought her a new puzzle book and she was pleased with that. I asked her if there was anything she wanted me to bring next time, she didn't think so. I told her I'd brought her some more sweets and biscuits and crisps which she was pleased about. I asked if she was eating them all and she said Sometimes I forget, don't know if I've still got some and she looked a bit sad again. I said Oh well I've brought you some more today so you'll have plenty now and you can eat those which made her smile again.
We chatted bit about strictly and then mum asked if I was going to come again so I said Hopefully next week, she said Lovely, ok I'll let you go then love. I'd been there about 20 minutes by then. She stood up and was a little bit slow and wobbly, I asked if she was ok and she said Aye my knees have gone a bit. I told her to be careful and to try eating a bit more to build her strength back up. Mum said she would and held her waist of her trousers out to show me the gap which was quite big, mum has always had a bit of a belly but it's gone now. :( I said Try eat more cos I want to fatten you back up a bit and build your strength up. Mum said I will love and smiled. She went to take chair away but I told her to leave it there and they'd move it for her cos I didn't want her struggling with it. Mum said Ok and came back to glass, we chatted again for another 5minutes then mum said I'll see you next time then love. I wasn't sure how long visit was supposed to be but mum looked like she was ready to go and still looked happy so I thought it was probably a good time to go, we'd had about 25 minutes so I said Ok. Mum said something I didn't hear, I said What? but still didn't hear when she said it again. Mum said You're not getting it are you love, I shook my head and mum smiled and said Not to worry love I'll tell you next time. I asked if she was sure and she said Oh yes, I'll see you next time love. We said love you lots and mimed 👁❤👉 again and mum went to go, I asked mum to let someone know to let me out and mum said Oh yes you can't just open things to get out and laughed, She looked up and down corridor then saw a carer and said She's here, carer asked mum if she was ok and mum said Yes love, carer asked Have you enjoyed it and mum said Yes it was lovely. I said Thank you to carer. I said bye, love you lots again and waved, mum was waiting in corridor and waved back before I left.
I was so pleased mum had recognised me and was pleased to see me and although she looked thinner and older she looked quite well. She did ask a couple of times about how she was long staying there and also about my dad but she didn't seem that upset when I answered her and moved onto something else quite quickly. She looked a bit sad for a moment a couple of times too but mostly she smiled and laughed a lot even though we couldn't always hear what saying, I rambled on and tried to keep her smiling and laughing and she looked like she enjoyed our visit.
I hope she went away happy and it didn't make her miss us more.🤞
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,122
North West
Sounds like a good first visit @annielou

Its funny isn't it at how once they are in the care home they seem to find a new resolution almost as if 'yes I'd like to come home, but I wouldn't mind staying here too'

Its so hard to make that first visit knowing what you know I just wish it was all so different for all of us :) xx
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
2,342
Dorset
If Mum was happy to end the conversati9n and wander off of her own accord I don’t think you need worry that your visit would make her miss you more! That sounds like an excellent visit, especially that she recognised you. I think that shows the stresses of living by herself have been lifted by being looked after 24 hours a day. Well done Andrea!👍
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
That sounded an excellent visit. I am so very pleased for you. I know you are concerned about the weight loss (and maybe what you said will encourage her to eat) but it seem like she was settled. I hope that will settle your mind too and get rid of the guilt monster.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,006
That sounds like an excellent visit. Your mum sounds to be in a much better place mentally than she was if she recognised you and asked about your husband, sister etc. She didn't even seem to distressed about where your dad was. Glad you could have a laugh. I really liked it when I could make my mum laugh.
Your mum sounds like she has settled well, and is in the right place for her. Fingers crossed you can visit again next week.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
853
That does sound a good visit! As good as it can be, I'd say, under the current circumstances. I hope it's helped to put your mind at rest.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,766
Yorkshire
The nurse from the CCG who hosted mum DST meeting last week rang this morning to tell us her recommendation . She said it's her recommendation that mum isn't eligible for CHC funding which is what we expected. She said she had been in touch with mums Social Worker at Local Authority who agreed with her report and now it would go to a 2nd person at the CCG who would review it and say if they agree or disagree and then we'll hear. If they agree we'll get a copy of report and details of appeal process. If they disagree or we appeal it will go to a panel to decide. If its agreed it'll be passed from CCG to SS who'll do a financial assessment to see if they'll take over mums funding. She said nothing will change for mum and there shouldn't be any breaks in the funding but if there is we can claim it back after SS take over. She apologised about it all taking so long and said she thought it shouldn't take too much longer.
We chatted a bit about LPA as she thought we had it for mums finances and about deputyship and she suggested we contact citizens advice as they may be able to advise us on dealing with people on mums behalf. We also chatted about me visiting mum on Saturday and how mum is doing in the home and how I worry about mum a lot and she was quite reassuring that mum was better in CH and the CH and staff sounded good and caring.
So it's a bit more waiting now for final decision from them and then it'll be passed onto SS. I hope it's not too long so we can start getting things sorted and letting people know what's happening. I've emailed mums landlord again today as they wanted to know if mum would be returning to her house. I'd told them we didn't know yet, there was going to be a meeting last week and I would keep them up to date so I told them today it looks like mum won't be returning but final decision hasn't been made yet so I will let them know when it has. I am scared to give notice and give the house up just in case SS say won't pay for mums care and doesn't need to be there and want to send her home with carers. Though it sounds like they won't we've not done great with SS before so I'm scared to do anything till I know for sure. I wish it would hurry up though as mum gets housing benefit and I've not told them about mum yet and don't know if they'll want benefit back for time mum's been in CH. Still feel like we're in limbo land at moment but at least we're one step further along process.
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
785
Lytham St Annes
I think housing benefits will remain in payment until a decision has been made, but it may have changed.

The landlord will likely need written confirmation from the care home that Mums place is permanent, then it will be down to getting the property emptied and the keys back to landlord.

I think your Mum has settled really as well as she possibly could, and I’m pleased she seems more settled in herself too.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,766
Yorkshire
Thanks @DianeW x Thats good to know, hopefully we'll get a decision soon and can get on with sorting things out to do with mums house etc soon.
Mum has seemed calmer when I've seen her so hopefully she is benefitting from being there.