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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

notsogooddtr

Registered User
Jul 2, 2011
941
You aren't wallowing,you are trying to process what's happening to you and your Mum.It makes me so angry that you are in this position,it is unfair on you and your husband.Can you get more help with carers?What would happen if you didn't answer the phone each time Mum calls?There is only so much one person can do You reacted to your Mum because you are exhausted,you need to be able to sleep and relax and do things just for you.I would ring SS and tell them you have reached the end of your tether and that they need to take over.It's so tough but it's the only way.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
You aren’t wallowing @annielou , I think it’s time processing everything , I need to chew everything over in my mind before I can go to sleep ,maybe you could try and find some time to do some things you enjoy , not easy I know , I rarely do but I would like to try ;) I spend time away from mum cleaning and washing and ironing too . Hope today is ok for you .🤗🤗 X
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,701
@annielou I don't know how you do it I really don't. I couldn't cope with seeing my mum for an hour or two twice a week and fielding a few phone calls each day. I felt it was encroaching on all aspects of my life but in fact I was still able to do all the things I wanted. You've given up a lot to care for your mother, as has your husband. Even so that isn't enough and no matter what you do you are not going to be able to make things better. I know your mother doesn't want to move to a care home, but it's now about answering her needs not indulging her wants. Sorry if that sounds tough, but it is what she needs. She is a confused and scared person who needs people around her 24/7 to support her.
Having said that I hope today is a bit of a better day.

{{{{hugs}}}}}
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
478
Hi @annielou not a lot to say except I'm sorry, it's so tough, I don't think I'd be able to cope with your situation at all. I'd have been crying at mum like that long before now and I'd have lost my temper many times I think. So worrying that she seems to be getting more keen to wander. Just hope you can get some help - your mum doesn't want you to give up your life to care for her, and I knew my dad wouldn't want that for me either. Big hugs!
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
416
What about doing something you can drop, like cross stitch or embroidery. Just before lockdown my textile group leader gave me a chicken shape cut out of heavy duty war time blanket material. I covered that chicken in stitches and it saved my sanity on those first six weeks. Mum keeps waiting for it to lay an egg )I hope she’s joking)
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,642
Yorkshire
thanks @notsogooddtr @Woo2 @Sarasa @imthedaughter @Starting on a journey xxxxx
Its partly my own fault, i don’t like the carer option SS have previously offered and mum said no to either and I am a born worrier so I won’t try leaving mum to it or force issue either cos I don’t want anything to happen to her or for her to be upset even though I upset her myself yesterday and on other occasions. 🙄😳🙁
For years I have rarely been seen sitting without something in my hand making bits for orders or for stock but now I have stopped and have stock just sitting about and no reason to make things and even when I have time I have no inclination.
That chicken sounds interesting , glad it helped. Let us know if it ever lays an egg 😜😘
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
416
That’s great @Starting on a journey :) I am in awe of craft people , I cannot sew for toffee ! Can just about see a button on but that’s my limit . My textile teacher laughed at my attempts in school .
So did mine!! I only ever knitted and about three years ago I started classes and things got better. I guess at school I just didn’t like/understand it. I find it is something to retreat to. Like now I just want to go to bed and retreat whilst mum is having her nap but I will go and sew lace on some bunting . I don’t need the sleep it’s just easier to retreat from the world sometimes!!
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,642
Yorkshire
It's been questions more or less all day, then loads of calls tonight. 1st one I was in such a panic hubby drove us to mums and we sat in street for 20 minutes till 9.
8.14 mum rang Where's the bairn? Thought a teenager been to see her then gone. Worried where she was and couldn't find her. Mum didn't know who it was, first thought me, then one of her kids kids. I said her kids grown up, both in our own homes. Mum said It's not you it's this girl I need to find her! She's about15. She was here earlier, she's done it before. I can't remember her name, what's her name? She was here earlier. I said I was there earlier but I'm home now. Mum said Not you it was a young girl, what's (my sisters) girl called. I told mum her name and mum said Her, that's her where's she? I said At home.
Mum said I'm going to look for her cos she wouldn't have gone home yet she won't know way she's too young to go on her own she's only 12. I said Everybody's home safe we're all fine no need to worry. Mum shouted You're not listening! I'm going to find her. I asked Where? I'm going out to find her she might have gone to my house she might be looking for me. I said Stay there that's your house. Mum said No its not I live with W. I said Its a mixed up memory cos it's late and your brain's getting tired. It's not! I'm at my mums and she might not know where I am, she might have gone looking for me, might be lost, she was here earlier then went. I said I was there earlier, I'm home safe now, it's fine. Mum asked Where's W, is he there with you? I said I don't know. Why don't you know? I said I haven't seen him you're not together anymore. Mum said Course we're together he was here earlier.
Then said I'm going now cos I need to find her. I said Don't go out, stay there. Mum sais Who's (sis) got, Has she got a girl? I said nieces name, mum said her Thats her! I said She's home she's safe so need to worry. Mum asked if niece was here and age of niece and saying that can't be her she's in scotland she couldn't have got all way here and home. I tried say again she was mixed up, everyone was home safe, no need to worry.
Mum shouted. Andie you're not listening I need to find her she's only 14 I'm going to find her. I'm going now. I said Don't go out mum. Mum said I'm going. I was in a panic and shouted Mum if you go out I'm calling police. Mum said I need to find her she might have gone to my house she won't know where I am I'm going to go to my house. I said Stay there nobody's been only me and hubby at dinnertime, You're remembering something old you need to stay there. Mum said Who's been today then? Me and hubby. She said Who's (sis) girl? I said her name. Does she live in scotland? Yes. Mum said Then she can't have been here then can she cos it's too far. I said No she's at home. She asked where I was and if I was ok, then asked where sis was, I said at home for both of us, thought she was calming down . But mum went back to niece, could it be her that came, this girl's only 14, she's been before and done this just gone. I said Well she'll be ok then. Mum said No I need find her I'm going to find her. Its fine mum there's no need to worry just stay there. Mum said No I'm going and hung up.
Hubby and I set off to mums, I was worried she'd go out looking for this girl. I rang on way over, I didn't say on way, just asked if she was ok . Mum started about this girl again,is it (niece) who's been, shall I go look for her. She's only 14 she won't know where I am cos I'm at my mums. She asked Who's (sis) got, what they called, has she got a girl? I said names. Mum said it's her she came earlier I need find her. I said She's at home she's safe. Mum said Shall I ring (sis) and ask. I said If want but she's home she's safe so you stay in now you don't need to find her. Mum said I'm at my mums. I said Thats ok you stay there. She said Ok I'll stay here tonight. I said yeah and I'll see you in morning. Mum said Yep ok but what about this girl she's only young? I said She's fine mum she's at home safe, we're all safe at home, you stay there tonight and we'll see you tomorrow. Mum said Ok but didn't sound settled.
We got to mums and parked lower down street, we thought we'd wait till door sensor was activated at 9, it was about 20 to when we got there. I rang to check she was in. Hello mum are you alright? Mum said I'm at my mums but I'm wondering where she is cos she's not in. I played along, I said She might be out and back later. Mum said She doesn't go out late so it's funny she isn't here. I said she might be on holiday, why don't you stay there till tomorrow cos she'll probably be back then. Mum said Aye She might I will I'll stay here tonight. I said Good idea. have you got tv on you're there? Yes. I tried get her chatting but mum said I wonder if she's at (mums brother) or mine? I was worried she'd try going home then so said No I'm sure she's on holiday. Mum said Probably, Oh but what if she comes back tonight if I lock up she won't be able to get in. I said She's got her own keys, she'll have them with her cos she locked up when she went. Mum said Do you think so? Yes, you've got spare set she has her set so she can get in. Mum said Oh yes course she will, Ok then love I'll stay here tonight and I'll come home in morning, See you tomorrow and we said Night.
We waited till bit after 9 then set off home. Mum rang at 9.08 I don't know where my mum is I'm at her's but she's not in. I said I think she's on holiday mum, think she's back tomorrow so stay there tonight. Mum said I will, are you at home? Yes I'm home. Where's W is he in? I said No he was out when I came in. Mum said He'll be at bloody pub the little ****, he doesn't even know where I am but he's gone out. I said Well don't worry, stay there tonight and have nice night without him, we're home and we're safe. I bloody will love, I'll see you in morning and we said night.
Rang 21.18 Are you at home? Yes mum I'm home. Is (hubby) with you? Yes. Is W in? I said No. Mum said He's a bloody **** he doesn't even know where I am and he's gone out bet he's gone to pub. I said Well we knew you were going to your mums we're all ok at home you stay where you are tonight. Mum said Did you see W when you got in? No he'd already gone out. Mum said Aye to bloody pub. I Don't know, He might be at work. Mum said I thought it was sunday. No Monday. She said Oh and I've been calling him names. But he probably won't go work he'll go to pub instead he's not bothered I'm not there, well I'm staying here tonight and I'm not staying with him no more I've had enough of him. I said You stay there tonight, have nice night without him we'll see you tomorrow. Mum said Yeah I will. But my mums not in I don't know where she is. I said She's on holiday we forgot it was today, stay there tonight and I'll see you tomorrow, I'll come pick you up. Mum said Oh yes, Do you know where it is? Yes I know where you are. Ok then love night.
Mum rang sis at 10.05 Mum said She didn't know where her mum was, she might be at club, might be on holiday. Asked where her kids were? were they at home? Mentioned about Sis being in scotland then asked why she was in scotland. Asked Where's our Andie ? sis said She's at home. Mum said Is she on her own? No she's with (hubby). Mum said Who's (hubby) Sis said Her husband. Mum said Our Andies got a husband? They are kids, but maybe our Andies got a boyfriend. Sis said mum went round a bit, then seemed ok and said bye.
Mum rang me at 10.14. Are you at my house? I said I'm at home. She coughed and spluttered said her tea had gone down wrong hole. Then mum said Where's our Andie? I said I'm our Andie I'm at home. She said Are you young one? I said Yes. Oh are yer, so are you home? I said Yes I'm home safe mum. She said Is (sis) home too? Yeah she's home. Mum said Oh is she good. I said We're all home safe. Oh good is other one in the young one? I said I'm youngest one mum I'm Andrea. You're Andrea, so who's other one? I said (sis) is home too. Mum said (sis) Yeah, there isn't another one ? I said No you've only got two, two's enough for anyone especially when its us two. Mum laughed, then said You're not in bed yet are you? I said No but we won't be long. Ok love, you said (sis) is home didn't you? I said Yep we're all safe at home. Oh that good, I'm still at my mums. I said Yes I know stay there tonight cos we're both ok at home and going to bed soon. Mum said Good, I'll stay here, see you in morning, and we said night.
Again at 10.25 Are kids in? I said We're all in safe mum, you just rung and I said we're all here. Mum said Oh right. I said We're all home safe so no need to worry, we just getting ready for bed. Mum said Oh right that's ok then, I'm still at my mums. Yes I know. Mum said I don't know where my mum is though. She's on holiday. Mum said Aye she might be, I'm not going home at this time. I said No You stay there we're all ok and getting ready for bed now so you sleep there and we'll see you tomorrow. Mum said Ok love see you in morning night.
Mum rang sis just before 11, said Do you know where I am? Sis said Yeah you're at home. Mum said I know I am stupid I've been sitting here thinking I'm at my mums and then realised that's my fan cos I've had it on. Ok. Mum said So are you at mine? Yeah I'm at home. Mum said Ok is W out? Yeah. Mum said Ok then love you sleep there and I'll stay here, don't sleep in that double bed though cos that's your dads and mine supposedly! No I won't. Mum asked Is our Andie home? Yeah she's in bed. Mum said Where are you going to sleep? I'll sleep in this bed. Mum said The little one in my room? Yeah. Mum said Ok I'm just waiting for my mum, she must have gone out so I'll sleep here tonight and be back in morning. Ok. Mum said I am stupid I've been thinking this was my mums house but it's mine, few more times then said Ok well you go to bed if you want. I'm in bed. Mum asked Which bed? Little one. Mum said Ok I'm sorry love, but I'll be home in morning, night.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,701
I know I'm a right one to talk because it's gone three and I'm up, but do try and get some sleep. Your poor mum, poor you and your poor husband
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
It’s the wide awake club tonight :( You have had a prior night of it , no wonder you can’t sleep . It’s def ramping up , had Mum started Memantine yet ? I would email SS and let them know for their records about what’s been happening recently . I hope you get some sleep soon @annielou, you must feel frazzled . Feel for you all🤗 X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,642
Yorkshire
Thanks @Sarasa @Woo2 xx
Bit of a zombie this morning, after couple late nights and up about half seven with not much quality sleep in between. The late to bed part used to be my norm before this past year, but I used to go back to sleep after hubby got up for work and stay in bed till after 9 So I got more sleep, I really need to switch my brain off and go back to going to bed earlier.
I hope you were both ok and got some sleep eventually too and your reasons for being up so late/early weren’t too worrying x
Bit of a mix up/delay but we picked up mums memantine yesterday evening. I’m not going to start it till wednesday though because I want to be with mum for few hours after it in case feels sick, drowsy or has any side effects and its carer visit today so I’ll be leaving early. Its a shame as we thought we’d have them to start at weekend when I’d have 3 days to monitor her after I gave her it. But it is what it is.
i was thinking of giving it at lunchtime so I don’t have to add it to weekend morning carer visits, she has someone with her if it makes her sleepy or wobbly, if she sleeps a bit after it then she would have someone with when wakes up in case confused or disorientated rather than in evening when in her own. I just don’t know if it will make her feel sick taking it close to her galantamine which takes then as has to be with food. If mum galantamine with not much food she feels sick if she has sertraline not long before galantamine she feels sick, but I used to give her Folic acid tablet after galantamine and she didn’t feel sick. So I don’t know if to try memantine just before lunch, at same time as galantamine with lunch, or just after lunch. I asked MC last week when talking bout it and she said to try when I thought and just watch her to see if does feel sick and then we’ll see bout moving it. Trouble is I can’t decide when exactly to try it 😳
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
416
I would try it at the same time. I would give it to her today as the carer will soon tell you if it’s a problem!
You are exhausted and making small but really important decisions is so difficult. There is no right or wrong time, just try. My mum has hers an hour or so after her whisky, I am sure that’s not good but it works and she’s happy so that’s the main thing.
Try and relax on your afternoon off, sit in the sun with a nice cool drink and imagine you are anywhere in the world, maybe with your toes in the sea!!!
Enjoy!!
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
Mum has never had any side effects , she is generally calm , she doesn’t sleep much during the day , it’s only recently since starting back at DC and the heat . I’m sure your mum will be absolutely fine , get started ASAP , is she gets symptoms I wouldn’t of thought they would be that quick anyway , will take a while to get in her bloodstream . Dropped off about 5.30am the birds starting singing , then alarm went off at 6.30am , had to get up as hairdresser here soon. Mine was heat and overthinking :rolleyes: . Hope today goes ok , maybe try and squeeze a little nap in this afternoon .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,642
Yorkshire
Thanks @Starting on a journey @Woo2 xx
Think going to give it after lunch but going to wait till wednesday. MC seemed agree better to start it when I'm there to look out for any side effects or sickiness. Mum might not say if feeling sick to carer and if she does carer won't know why as I don't get chance to talk to her in private so can't tell her mums on new tablet and to watch for side effects, if I mention it in front of mum mum will think she feels sick straight away, so I'd feel better starting tomorrow.
Glad to hear your mums have been ok with it, thanks it's reassuring x Mum has only had bit of sickiness with galantamine when not had much food with it, or if taken too soon after sertraline. She did have odd headache couple hours after taking it when first started with galantamine but they soon stopped. Only other thing she's had is indigestion/feeling bit sicky if takes tablets with tea or pop (should be water but sis let her take them with tea and pop in past) or if she takes them bending over and doesn't take proper drink of water with it. Fingers crossed mums ok when add memantine 🤞.
This over thinking is a ****** isn't it @Woo2 🤗 there really should be a power down mode on our brains. Hope you get good sleep tonight 🤞
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,642
Yorkshire
Rang mum at 10.30 to tell her be bit later today as hubby has work call on tuesday. I said Hello mum it’s me. she said Do you know where kids are? I said we’re at home. Our (sis) and Andie are they at home? yeah we're at home. oh right how did they get there? We’re home, I'm just ringing, because I'm coming over soon I'm just waiting for (hubby) because he's going to give me a lift and then I'm gonna come over, I should be about half an hour alright. Alright are you at home then . Yeah. What about our (sis) is she home. We’re both at home we’re all fine but I'm coming to see you soon. Alright then okay. I won't be long (hubby) will give me a lift. okay bye
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
The off/sleep button would be great at the moment yep @annielou . I am starting to feel wooly headed so I hope I get some sleep tonight , hope you do too 🤞. I’m sure that mum will be fine with them but yes I would wait until tom when you are there after , more for your own peace of mind . You can ask carer’s for their number or add them on WhatsApp . i would write your number on a slip of paper and discreetly hand it to them , then they can always get in contact with you if they want to . Hope the rest of your day goes ok. 🤞🤗