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Whit a day

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,918
Bristol
Hope nobody minds if I ramble on about our stressful lunch outing.

We had a very nice meal in a lovely Chinese restaurant run by a man OH has known for over 25 years.
She got very flustered when she had to use the facilities and her knees locked up. They have no disabled facility. The more her daughter and I tried to help the more flustered she got, but got there eventually despite a wee accident. On the way out she felt she had to tell her friend that her first husband died, that was 28 years ago. The worst bit was I actually felt slightly annoyed at her for doing that, jealousy or something stupid, and embarrassed. After caring for her for 4 years and being on this forum long enough I should know better. :eek::eek:

Sorry to offload on people who have much harder to deal with, it's just another reminder of how much dementia sufferers (the right term ?) go through and how much I have to learn in order to support her properly.

Thanks for reading and all the best to everybody.
 
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Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,058
69
Dundee
Ah what a shame. Whit a day indeed. No wonder youngest the need to offload here. I can totally understand how you felt. No matter how much you tell yourself it is the disease and not the person certain things can still hurt.

I'm glad you were able to share here.

Take care a here's tae a better day the morra! xx
 

bemused1

Registered User
Mar 4, 2012
3,402
Don't let it get you down rob, we all get annoyed about silly things . and all the time and experience won't stop the annoyance and occasional embarrassment.
Glad the meal was good anyway.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,918
Bristol
Don't let it get you down rob, we all get annoyed about silly things . and all the time and experience won't stop the annoyance and occasional embarrassment.
Glad the meal was good anyway.
Thanks Izzy. Thanks bemused.

Hope you both had a better day.
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,051
GLASGOW
Your only human and like most carers need to be super human some days! Its the small things that sucker punch you. Dont feel bad. Your doing your best and its enough. Xx quilty
 

nannylondon

Registered User
Apr 7, 2014
2,475
London
Hi Rob sorry you had such a stressful time it's the little things that get to us carers as someone else said we are only human you feel free to rant away I know how much you do for Chrystl
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,918
Bristol
Hi Rob sorry you had such a stressful time it's the little things that get to us carers as someone else said we are only human you feel free to rant away I know how much you do for Chrystl
Thanks Nan. Thanks Quilty.
Hope you are both ok.
 
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Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,340
Kent
However much we know it's thefault of illness and not the person with dementia, it never fails to hurt.

My husband wanted to go home to his real wife nearly every night , when he was sundowning and he hadn't ever been married before.

When we are stressed and careworn, it's not easy to take.

TP is the one'll place you can share this kind of episode with people who have experienced similar themselves.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,918
Bristol
However much we know it's thefault of illness and not the person with dementia, it never fails to hurt.

My husband wanted to go home to his real wife nearly every night , when he was sundowning and he hadn't ever been married before.

When we are stressed and careworn, it's not easy to take.

TP is the one'll place you can share this kind of episode with people who have experienced similar themselves.
That's quite sad Grannie G.
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
560
Scotland
Ach NS dinna feel bad about being upset, it happens and is only natural. I know I have times when it doesn't bother me but another time I take things to heart. We do know "it's the dementia" but only human so feelings take over sometimes. Yer nae a bad chiel and don't you forget it.

OH sometimes tells me his first wife (that's me) was a really great cook (we've been married for over 55 years) :eek:
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
Hope nobody minds if I ramble on about our stressful lunch outing.

We had a very nice meal in a lovely Chinese restaurant run by a man OH has known for over 25 years.
She got very flustered when she had to use the facilities and her knees locked up. They have no disabled facility. The more her daughter and I tried to help the more flustered she got, but got there eventually despite a wee accident. On the way out she felt she had to tell her friend that her first husband died, that was 28 years ago. The worst bit was I actually felt slightly annoyed at her for doing that, jealousy or something stupid, and embarrassed. After caring for her for 4 years and being on this forum long enough I should know better. :eek::eek:

Sorry to offload on people who have much harder to deal with, it's just another reminder of how much dementia sufferers (the right term ?) go through and how much I have to learn in order to support her properly.

Thanks for reading and all the best to everybody.
You have had a rough day. It is quite normal to feel as you did. I get furious with my husband at times but try to keep it in my mind. He looks for his wife referred to as "she", and sometimes I go around house with him trying to "find myself". Do have a glass of wine if you like it and get a few minutes break. Not easy either. I live in Ireland so a little bit of advice..... Don't touch Irish poitin (pronounced pucheen), tis lethal stuff I am told!!

Yes am trying to cheer you up and I apologise for my wicked sense of humour!

Keep posting. TP is a lifesaver for me.

Aisling
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,918
Bristol
You have had a rough day. It is quite normal to feel as you did. I get furious with my husband at times but try to keep it in my mind. He looks for his wife referred to as "she", and sometimes I go around house with him trying to "find myself". Do have a glass of wine if you like it and get a few minutes break. Not easy either. I live in Ireland so a little bit of advice..... Don't touch Irish poitin (pronounced pucheen), tis lethal stuff I am told!!

Yes am trying to cheer you up and I apologise for my wicked sense of humour!

Keep posting. TP is a lifesaver for me.

Aisling
Escaping to a country pub for a quick pint does help sometimes Aisling, but I might give the poitin a miss. :)
 

exhausted 2015

Registered User
Jul 5, 2015
624
stoke on trent
Hope nobody minds if I ramble on about our stressful lunch outing.

We had a very nice meal in a lovely Chinese restaurant run by a man OH has known for over 25 years.
She got very flustered when she had to use the facilities and her knees locked up. They have no disabled facility. The more her daughter and I tried to help the more flustered she got, but got there eventually despite a wee accident. On the way out she felt she had to tell her friend that her first husband died, that was 28 years ago. The worst bit was I actually felt slightly annoyed at her for doing that, jealousy or something stupid, and embarrassed. After caring for her for 4 years and being on this forum long enough I should know better. :eek::eek:

Sorry to offload on people who have much harder to deal with, it's just another reminder of how much dementia sufferers (the right term ?) go through and how much I have to learn in order to support her properly.

Thanks for reading and all the best to everybody.
Sorry to read you had a stressful day rob xx you ramble as much as you like xx we all know how challenging some days can be ...sending you a virtual hug xxx
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,918
Bristol
Ach NS dinna feel bad about being upset, it happens and is only natural. I know I have times when it doesn't bother me but another time I take things to heart. We do know "it's the dementia" but only human so feelings take over sometimes. Yer nae a bad chiel and don't you forget it.

OH sometimes tells me his first wife (that's me) was a really great cook (we've been married for over 55 years) :eek:
Thanks Lilac. I suppose you should take that as a compliment of sorts though. :)