Which nursing home?

[maudie]

Unfortunately the time is coming close when Mum will have to go into a nursing/care home as she cannot continue to live safely in her own home. When we are not with her she is very lonely and very tearful and unfortunately, we can't be with her every hour of the day although my sister and I visit every day. The nursing homes we have investigated have EMI units but when we visited, all the ladies appeared to be comatose and we feel mum still needs stimulation/converstion - which is something she won't get in an EMI unit. If any of you have your own experiences to relate, we would be very grateful. Like some posts I read yesterday, mum trusts us implicitly and we just want to do whats right for her although it will break our hearts. Maudie.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Maudie,

You are in a heartbreaking situation and I sympathize. It takes me back to when we were looking for a home for my mother.

All you can do, really is to ask the home managers what provision is made for stimulation. What activities are organized and how often.

Does your mother have to go straight into an EMI unit. I remember how depressing they were. Some homes accept residents in the other units until they absolutely need to be in the EMI unit. Of course this will depend on individual homes and their provision.

From reading post on TP, there seem to be some excellent homes about. I suppose you should try to see as many as possible before making your mind up.

I`m sorry I can`t help more. Good luck and please let us know how you get on.

Love Sylvia x

 

[maudie]

Thanks for this Sylvia. Time is always the problem as I'm sure you know! Have now made my mind up to take some days off work to sort this out for once and for all - I feel we have been playing with it up to now - probably trying to put it to the back of our minds thinking that somehow everything will be sorted out in the end. I will make a list of all the homes in our area that will meet our criteria and will then make a visit to check it out, etc. Maudie

 

[Grannie G]

That`s what I did. Had a day off work and did a tour of all the local homes.

I phoned first and asked if we could visit without appointments. Those who weren`t keen were crossed off the list.

I appreciated we would need appointments to discuss terms and conditions, but wanted an informal visit initially to get general impressions.

Hope this helps. Love Sylvia x

 

[Kath TN]

Hi Maudie

My Dad has just been discharged from an EMI hospital into a residential home. We were advised to seek an EMD home (Elderly Mental Disabled I think). This type of home is classified as a Higher Residential home as opposed to EMI which I believe is nursing care. I looked at several EMIs but like you found them really depressing - then I visited the EMD and it is lovely - only room for 11 residents but only currently nine in residence - and they are all similar to my dad (confused, paranoid, gets upset and worked up). The mix of residents, including my dad - is five men and four ladies.

The home is secure to prevent him from going walk-about but provides stimulation and entertainment. I don't think that dad has realised this is going to be his home from now and still packs his bag everyday expecting me to pick him up to take him home.

I looked at loads of places before this one and was dismayed - couldn't bear to think of him in any of them - but this home had a really good feeling as soon as I walked in. He's only been there for a week and hasn't been discharged from hospital yet in case he doesn't settle - but I'm confident.

Try not to despair too much when looking for a home - just persevere until you find somewhere that feels good (as good as an EMI/EMD can!) and then go with your gut feeling.

Good Luck

 

[mocha]

Hi Maudie,
Just adding my two- pennorth. My hubby has been in an EMI Nursing Home for 12 weeks now and settled down really well. Don't condemn a home on one visit.
I have been mainly visiting in an afternoon and must admit I found residents quite often asleep including Ron, then the last couple of times it has been mid-morning and I was amazed at how much brighter everyone seemed.
I think it is because -like a lot of us they feel a bit dopey after lunch.
I am really happy with this NH and I admit it struck me as an ideal place after Ron had had two respite stays earlier in the year. Good Luck in your searching.
Aileen

 

[connie]

Hi Maudie, this is the minefield isn't it. What is right for one resident is not suitable for another.

Just continue to visit homes, always with an open mind. You will find an appropiate one, just takes a little time when really, if we were honest, that is the last thing we want to be doing.

Take care, look after yourself, and let us know how you get on. Regards,

 

[Claire]

Hi Maudie

Have sent you a pm. Hope it is of use.

Claire