My MIL has fairly advanced dementia e.g. doesn't know the year, her age, the season and is unaware that carers come twice a day. Thinks that they come occasionally and do nothing. My husband (her only child) has both POAs for her which are activated. We do all shopping, pay bills, manage all aspects of the house (e.g. repairs). She thinks she does all of these things.
I think she should be on some kind of waiting list to go into the dementia wing of a local CH which my husband and I have looked round and is nice.
Husband thinks she should be in her own home (she lives alone) for as long as possible. She is in her late 80s and has a v bad hip which she repeatedly refused to have replaced (we even took her to see a private surgeon which we paid for). Now it's too late. She doesn't go out on her own as her walking is painful so that bad hip has stopped her wandering and getting lost. She hates going out, always has done though! She had, I would say, OCD before the dementia so still obsessively picks up crumbs and bits of nothing from clothes, carpet and even as she walks up the stairs (thereby not holding onto two rails) and gets cross if we say not to.
Various incidents have happened over the years but we dealt with them by for example having the gas cooker cut off when she boiled an electric kettle on the gas until the plastic melted. She doesn't cook (carers use ready meals, microwave) much by then anyway. Getting the carers to do her washing (I used to have to find smelly clothes and sneak them out, wash them at home and bring them back), having a cleaner every couple of weeks and so on.
A couple of nights ago she called the firebrigade out at 1 in the morning as her toilet was leaking. FB came ! and called ambulance as she was wet all over and shaking. Neighbour who knew our number called us (we live 20 mins away). She had apparently tried to "fix" the toilet which was making a funny noise when flushed (but working as normal). She removed the cistern's cover and water squired out when she disconnected bits of it. She somehow flooded the toilet room's floor and her hall dowstairs with lots of water. She was totally unaware of what she'd done. Some weeks ago we found a bottle of bleach and the toilet brush jammed in the cistern. We find strange things in the freezer (a tea towel) or empty food boxes in cupboards. Toilet roll insides are carefully hoarded all over the house (I throw them out every so often).
I think she is now unsafe to be on her own, because what will happen next, but I agree with husband that she would probably be less happy in a home. At the moment she is the happiest I have known her in 30years! No responsibility,nothing to do. She also believes that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her and that we are making a fuss. She says she does everything and no one helps her and that she is very independant. Even if we give her evidence she doesn't believe us.
We wanted her to go into respite care so we could go away on a short break but she refused and apparently (according to the person in charge of the carers that we use) we can't make her go into respite while she still has capacity to decide. Whenever we go away for a night or two in our country (UK) and we don't like to risk more than a few nights as things always happen, we get a call from the carers saying there is some other problem, eg she switched off the freezer and everything melted or she turns the heating down and then is cold. She pulls out the TV plug and it doesn't work.
Should she be in a CH, even though she might be less happy, for her own safety? She is an extremely stubborn person and has never had a social life, didn't go to clubs and so on so is not lonely on her own. I asked husband to guess her age of responsibility e.g. could she cope in a crisis. He thought age 10. I wouldn't leave a ten year old on their own for 23 hours a day and I would say her "age" is younger than that in some areas of understanding.
I think she should be on some kind of waiting list to go into the dementia wing of a local CH which my husband and I have looked round and is nice.
Husband thinks she should be in her own home (she lives alone) for as long as possible. She is in her late 80s and has a v bad hip which she repeatedly refused to have replaced (we even took her to see a private surgeon which we paid for). Now it's too late. She doesn't go out on her own as her walking is painful so that bad hip has stopped her wandering and getting lost. She hates going out, always has done though! She had, I would say, OCD before the dementia so still obsessively picks up crumbs and bits of nothing from clothes, carpet and even as she walks up the stairs (thereby not holding onto two rails) and gets cross if we say not to.
Various incidents have happened over the years but we dealt with them by for example having the gas cooker cut off when she boiled an electric kettle on the gas until the plastic melted. She doesn't cook (carers use ready meals, microwave) much by then anyway. Getting the carers to do her washing (I used to have to find smelly clothes and sneak them out, wash them at home and bring them back), having a cleaner every couple of weeks and so on.
A couple of nights ago she called the firebrigade out at 1 in the morning as her toilet was leaking. FB came ! and called ambulance as she was wet all over and shaking. Neighbour who knew our number called us (we live 20 mins away). She had apparently tried to "fix" the toilet which was making a funny noise when flushed (but working as normal). She removed the cistern's cover and water squired out when she disconnected bits of it. She somehow flooded the toilet room's floor and her hall dowstairs with lots of water. She was totally unaware of what she'd done. Some weeks ago we found a bottle of bleach and the toilet brush jammed in the cistern. We find strange things in the freezer (a tea towel) or empty food boxes in cupboards. Toilet roll insides are carefully hoarded all over the house (I throw them out every so often).
I think she is now unsafe to be on her own, because what will happen next, but I agree with husband that she would probably be less happy in a home. At the moment she is the happiest I have known her in 30years! No responsibility,nothing to do. She also believes that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her and that we are making a fuss. She says she does everything and no one helps her and that she is very independant. Even if we give her evidence she doesn't believe us.
We wanted her to go into respite care so we could go away on a short break but she refused and apparently (according to the person in charge of the carers that we use) we can't make her go into respite while she still has capacity to decide. Whenever we go away for a night or two in our country (UK) and we don't like to risk more than a few nights as things always happen, we get a call from the carers saying there is some other problem, eg she switched off the freezer and everything melted or she turns the heating down and then is cold. She pulls out the TV plug and it doesn't work.
Should she be in a CH, even though she might be less happy, for her own safety? She is an extremely stubborn person and has never had a social life, didn't go to clubs and so on so is not lonely on her own. I asked husband to guess her age of responsibility e.g. could she cope in a crisis. He thought age 10. I wouldn't leave a ten year old on their own for 23 hours a day and I would say her "age" is younger than that in some areas of understanding.
