where to turn?

[fiona s]

Hi all,

My mum was diagnosed with dementia a couple of years ago. She managed really well for a long time and tbh thought they had it wrong and she was ok. She was discharged from her older persons social services unbeknown to me. I contacted them recently because I am concerned and they thats when I found out they discharged her, even though she was attending the memory clinic (when she remembered) I contacted her gp and they said they would pass my concerns onto the integrated social services team. They have not. My mum over the past couple of weeks is convinced that someone is coming into her home, messing things up and leaving. Yesterday she thinks they have taken her bag she will not call the police and gets really angry when I tell her she should. She thinks they are coming through her attic I have a young family and work full time and feel awful that I do not know where to turn with this. She is also a hoarder, we have tried numerous times to clear her home but she takes the thing out of the skip as quick as we have put them in I just want her safe and secure, she doesn't want to live with me and wants to stay in her own home but I really feel that this is not the right option for her. Where can I turn to? The best thing would be for her to go somewhere and then I could organise the home and then sell it for her to then chose where SH wants to go but I feel she will not do this any ideas would be welcome, thanks for reading....

 

[sistermillicent]

I am not sure of the "right" way to go about this, it seems you have already done what I would have suggested and gone via the gp with no result. So I think you should contact social services yourself, take the names of anyone you speak to and note the time and date you called. Call the memory clinic and again take names etc. Call the Gp again and let them know nothing has happened with the referral.
I might even call the police just to chat about the possibility that someone might have been in, your mum is a vulnerable person and even though it is highly likely that it is the dementia causing her to believe people are coming in to her house there is a possibility that something may be happening, so I would want to check that out.
Stop worrying about the hoarding for the time being.
You don't have to have your mum to live with you and you don't have to be her carer, in your position with a young family I would have let others get on with my mum and concentrated on my children without any question.

 

[fiona s]

Thank you Sister
Well today I have called SS, they could see that I contacted the GP in Oct but no further action was taken they suggested that I call the gp again and I did. They said they would refer her to integrated panel next week where they will discuss where we go from here.
Its strange because I know I am doing the right thing but feel dreadfully guilty, it feels like I am bad mouthing her when I say that she is neglecting her personal health and the fact that she does not seem scared that she thinks that someone is breaking in, she's just angry my mum was and is fiercely independent and I know that she would hate me discussing her behind her back, just feel guilty
But thanks for your reply

 

[canary]

Sometimes you have to keep on pushing, fiona, but you are doing the right things.

Im sure you are aware that everything you have described is a symptom of dementia.
We first became aware of mums dementia when she started accusing a friend of hers of stealing from her. She also though there were people coming in and moving things around and the recycling was a sticking point - the re-cycling would be put out for collection and she thought it was a delivery and would bring it all back in again She said that there was no point in getting rid of stuff as "they" knew where she lived and would just send it back to her!
We also battled with the whole personal hygiene/clean clothes issue.

 

[tre]

Hi Fiona,
in our area you only get allocated a social worker when there is a current issue to be addressed. For example, my husband attends the memory clinic every six months for his medication but since falling in the home in December 2014 when I had to call an ambulance to get him up I have contacted the LA( on 13 Jan 2015) in order that he might be assessed for some sort of aid to prevent a re-occurence of this and we are still in pre-allocation- that is awaiting a social worker to be allocated to us. This is what happens here. You have no continuity with a SW but as soon as they have dealt with the current problem your case becomes dormant and then when the next problem occurs you wait. This might be why your mum was signed off with them.
My mum also had Vascular dementia and the same system operated. I too felt guilty about getting social services involved but mum was clearly not managing and worse than that not safe as she was wandering outside. I felt I had to involve SW to keep her safe as the least worst option. Her road sense had regressed to that of a toddler and I could not have lived with myself had she been hurt or killed in an accident. You should not feel bad about trying to get help for your mum. You clearly have her best interests at heart.
Tre