Where to start...

Daffadil

Registered User
Apr 28, 2009
8
Worcester
My father has had Dementia/Alzeheimers for almost three years. My mother is his carer and both are coming up to 80 this year. Until the end of last year we had no support and even now it is very little. I find its a mind field and my mother does not like admitting to people that she needs support. In the last 6 weeks dad has deteriated again. I try to spear to his social care worker but sometimes feel I am a"pain." I thought it would be easy to get help and support but I find this isn't the case or may I haven't found the right connections yet. Dad is incontinent and I have only just got support on this and hardly able to walk. No support on this at the moment so looking for suggestions. Any advise is appreciated as I am new to this.
 

Annoula

Registered User
Dec 4, 2008
155
Greece
hello Daffadil, welcome to the TP.

i can't contribute much but i only wanted to welcome you.

i hope you get some help soon because i know how it feels when you have to deal with such cases.
your mother is pretty old herself, so don't worry about being a pain to others and don't let her without help even if she doesn't admit that she needs it. be as much a pain as you can to social services and whoever you think that can help. this disease is so stressful and heartbreaking and we need the most help we can get.

take care of yourself.
 

windyridge

Registered User
Apr 7, 2009
12
UK
Hello Daffadil

You mention the social worker but has your dad been referred by his GP to a memory clinic and put under the appropriate consultant? In my experience the memory clinic teams are good and once you have been taken on by them the services do work more as a team. In our experience the contact person has been a wonderful community psychiatric nurse who always has time to coordinate things, keep family briefed, talk to us on the phone, make it clear to the SSs what is needed and so on. Especially her help in supporting the carers was crucial when we had a whole series of crises recently and felt there was no way out or forward.

I hope this helps. Its so hard being pushy, but we owe it to those we care for to be as thick skinned with the "authorities" as necessary!


All best
Windyridge
 

Daffadil

Registered User
Apr 28, 2009
8
Worcester
Hi, Dad has been to a memory clinic 3 times and put under the appropriate consultant but as far as I know we don't appear to have a community psychiatric nurse. Thanks for this infor. I will follow this up. thanks
 

Vonny

Registered User
Feb 3, 2009
4,577
Telford
Hi Daffadil,

As well as a CPN, you should also contact your OT (Occupational Therapist) who can provide various aids to help your dad's mobility. My parents are in their 80s and my dad, who is very strong, is starting to find lugging my tiny mum around very tiring, so goodness knows how your mum is managing.

If your parents are anything like mine, they won't want to be a "nuisance" to the doctors and authorities. Fortunately both I and my sister can do the pushing for them, and it sounds like you will have to too.

There is loads of support out there...if you can get your mum to accept it without dragooning her into it. That's the hardest part.

Good luck

Vonny xx
 

Daffadil

Registered User
Apr 28, 2009
8
Worcester
Been pushing to get Dad an extra Day session but told day car home full. This worries me....does this mean that there are more people with Alzheimers than there are spaces or my parents social care worker is only looking at one place??

Care Worker coming to do another assessment on Monday. Dad didn't know me at all last weekend but let me in the house anyway. Mum was in the toilet. I could have been anyone.:mad:

Thinking that Dad may need to go into a hime just to give my mum a life. My brother wants him in now as he is too far away to help.

This is a sad illness.:confused:
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Hello Daffodil,
Been pushing to get Dad an extra Day session but told day car home full. This worries me....does this mean that there are more people with Alzheimers than there are spaces or my parents social care worker is only looking at one place??
I think thatthere are more people needing day services than places for them, whether dementia needs or otherwise.

You just have to keep plugging away at your SW. Sometimes if you make enough fuss you get accomodated, just to get you off their backs. Wrong I know, but that is the way today.

Don't give up. Stay strong.
 

julieann15

Registered User
Jun 13, 2008
2,012
Leicestershire
Hi
Mum has been going to a Day Centre once a week for 18 months or so- we too have asked for an extra day. The priority in Leics is that each person has to have at least one day and as more and more people come on board they are given priority and my mum never gets further up the list. I can see there reasoning for that but would really welcome that extra day so that mum has some social interaction

Love Julie xx
 

Daffadil

Registered User
Apr 28, 2009
8
Worcester
Well had Dad re assesed on Monday, and Social Worker is happy to let my mum carry on as main carer. I am still worried about this as she is 80 and has her on health worries. My parents are self funding and now we have been told that we should look at changing the bath to a walk in shower. approx cost £4000-6000.We can't fit a bath lift as the edge nearest the wall is to shallow. Then once thats done we will can have help with his washing needs, part of this is a safety issue. After telling her about Dads mobility issues a frame was recommended. Not sure if this will work since Dad no longer knows who I am how will he know what to do with the frame.Should I stand firm and do what my brother wants and side with him to put Dad in a home which will support him. Or do I support Mum and arrange all of this to prolong their time together but possibly risk mums health.
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
My parents are self funding and now we have been told that we should look at changing the bath to a walk in shower. approx cost £4000-6000.We can't fit a bath lift as the edge nearest the wall is to shallow

Seem someone has given you mis information who told you that ?. Because self funded or not you can get those adaption done free of charge , but they may be a waiting list. But don't let that put you off.

Have you spoken to a occupational therapist about the adoptions you need done to your parents house .
 

Daffadil

Registered User
Apr 28, 2009
8
Worcester
hi, It was the SW and no I haven't spoken to the OT. I was ans always have been told that cos Dad had over £22500 he has to pay. We has to pay for the stairlift which cost £3000. At this rate Dad won't be self funding for long. Has anyone else been down this route and how pushy do you need to be.
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Because self funded or not you can get those adaption done free of charge
I would have to say 'not always' Margarita.

Even some of the things the OT recommended we had to pay for.
Postcode lottery perhaps?. :confused:
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
This is a good site to read about it .

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/HomeAndHousingOptions/YourHome/DG_4000642

Who can get a Disabled Facilities Grant

You can claim if you, or someone living in your property, is disabled and:

* you, or the person on whose behalf you are applying, are either the owner or tenant (including licensees) of the property
* you can certify that you, or the person on whose behalf you are applying, intend to occupy the property as your/their only or main residence throughout the grant period - currently five years

A landlord may apply on behalf of a disabled tenant.

Disabled Facilities Grants are available in England, Wales and Northern Ireland only. Scottish residents should contact the social services department of their local council for information on any grants that may be available
How much you can get

The amount paid is usually based on a financial assessment - a 'means test' - of your average weekly income in relation to your outgoings. There is no means testing for families of disabled children under 19.

Means testing will take into account savings above a certain limit. Certain benefits including Disability Living Allowance and Income Support are generally ignored.

If you have a partner, your combined income will be assessed jointly. Capital is included in the means test. The first £6,000 of savings is disregarded.

A range of premiums and allowances is used for all essential outgoings, for example, rent/mortgage and personal expenditure. Actual outgoings are not taken into consideration.

Depending on the outcome of this assessment the amount of financial assistance offered can vary from 0 to 100 per cent of the cost
 

margaret101

Registered User
Jul 17, 2008
56
clacton on sea
We did get a disabled facilities grant it took so long
my Bill only had the use of it for 6 months befor he went in a home it took over two years
and that was with a lot of pushing from me good luck margaret xx
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
This tell you your LA policy

http://www.northwarks.gov.uk/downloads/EHPrivateHousingPolicy.pdf.
http://www.northwarks.gov.uk/site/scripts/download_info.php?fileID=124


Should I stand firm and do what my brother wants and side with him to put Dad in a home which will support him. Or do I support Mum and arrange all of this to prolong their time together but possibly risk mums health.
I would say don't risk your mother health . But how does you mother feel about your father going into a home full time ?
 

Daffadil

Registered User
Apr 28, 2009
8
Worcester
Time to find a nursing home

Dad In hospital 7 weeks now and advised a nursing home is for the best. Pleased for mum as she could not cope any more. But looking for help. Have been told that Dad will get £492 towards care. He has vascular dementia, no mobility, incontinent and can be aggressive. Nursing home we want him to go to as it is good and close costs £575 leaving a shortfall. I have been told today that we need a third party top up, but where from?
 

Vonny

Registered User
Feb 3, 2009
4,577
Telford
Hi Daffadil,

Firstly, I'm so pleased for you and your mum that it is recognised that your dad needs more care. Sorry to hear he has been in hospital but at least he is safe there and it has given your mum time to adjust to the fact he needs more help.

I'm unsure of your parents' financial situation but I would imagine the top up would come out of their savings if they have any. Has your dad been awarded NHS continuing care? I'm not familiar with the choice of homes if this is the case, or if a top up has to be provided.

Sorry I can't be of help, I just wanted to say how glad I am for you that you and your mum have got some help.

Vonny xx
 

wendyviv

Registered User
Jun 18, 2009
140
essex. frinton
Hi dafodile sorry to hear your problem, I had our bath taken out shower put in didn't know I could have got help although I did get VAT of, only problem Roy will not go in it now and there I am with this very expensive shower washing him at the sink, I'll get there is the end I expect, best of luck, wendy:):)