Where to start

[Andrew78]

My mum has been showing memory issues for a while now, but they seem to have become noticeably worse recently. She is coming to visit next week so I think the time has come to have a chat with her about it, but I really don’t know how to approach it. I’m assuming that the first step is to contact her GP who might then refer her on to someone else to get a formal diagnosis.

To be honest I’m struggling to know what to do at the moment. I’m her only relative (she lives on her own after my stepdad passed away last year) and I live some distance away so it‘s difficult to see her face to face as much as I’d like. She is friendly with some of her neighbours but not really close to anyone. I may be getting ahead of myself but I’m already worrying about how to care for her if she is diagnosed. She seems able to look after herself for the moment (and is in good health otherwise) but that won’t last forever. I don’t think she has a lot of savings although she does own her own home.

My mind is swimming with worries about this. There‘s no real history of dementia on her side of the family so it’s not something I’ve ever had to think about before. Perhaps I just need to slow down and take it one step at a time but I don’t really know where to start at the moment.

Thanks for listening!

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Andrew78 Welcome to Talking Point.

Will your mother be travelling alone or will you be going to accompany her? It`s just a point of interest to assess whether or not she still has the confidence and ability to travel alone.

Bear in mind she has almost been living in isolation for nearly two years during lockdowns and I know this has had a detrimental effect on too many of us.

Her stay with you will give you the best opportunity to observe her. Please do not discuss her memory issues with her just yet.

Make a note of any incidences or behaviours which cause you concern and date and time them during the course of her stay. Once you have this evidence, I would consult her GP in confidence. The GP may not be willing to discuss your mother but they will take note of your evidence and decide if action is necessary.

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome from me too @Andrew78

I agree with @Grannie G that it's best not to discuss your worries about your mum's memory with her. Please don’t immediately assume that she has dementia as other things, including vitamin deficiencies, which can easily be treated can cause issues with memory. Getting her to see her GP for a check up would be a good next step.

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @Andrew78

You are wise to say that you should perhaps slow down and take it a step at a time. As already mentioned there are other conditions which can mimic those of dementia and it's important to rule those out first. Plan to enjoy this time with your mum and, if you are still concerned afterwards, casually persuade her to have a check up (you could say you are planning to have one yourself). It's easy to worry so much about the future that we forget to enjoy the present.

Come back and let us know how things go. There are lots of people out here to help you along and give you advice if needs be.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

@Andrew78 One thing you might want to sort out as soon as you can are PoAs, both for finance and health. I would present it as a "just in case" measure.

When my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, we never told her. We tried but she was extremely resistant. The closest I got was "Your memory isn't what it used to be". So I would tread carefully on that matter.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

LPoA - We had to go through a solicitor as PWD often distrust family ?

 

[Andrew78]

Hi

Thank you all for the replies. We had Mum down to visit last week and she clearly does have some memory issues. Her immediate memory seemed quite poor (we went out for a meal one night and she must have asked at least a dozen times what time the table was booked for) and she did repeat herself quite a bit. Having said that when we had a good look through some old photo albums and she remembered a fair bit about some of the people and places in them, even those going back a long way.

What I did find out though was when had already spoken to her GP about her memory and that he had organised for her to have a blood test in the near future. This was a surprise to me but I’m very glad that she had at least realised off her own back that she needed to see someone. I guess the next step is to just wait and see what the results of that are and take it from there? I’ve idea what that might or might not confirm but I think it’s positive at least that something is in the process of happening, and we can least talk about things openly for now.

thanks again for listening

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Hi

Thank you all for the replies. We had Mum down to visit last week and she clearly does have some memory issues. Her immediate memory seemed quite poor (we went out for a meal one night and she must have asked at least a dozen times what time the table was booked for) and she did repeat herself quite a bit. Having said that when we had a good look through some old photo albums and she remembered a fair bit about some of the people and places in them, even those going back a long way.

What I did find out though was when had already spoken to her GP about her memory and that he had organised for her to have a blood test in the near future. This was a surprise to me but I’m very glad that she had at least realised off her own back that she needed to see someone. I guess the next step is to just wait and see what the results of that are and take it from there? I’ve idea what that might or might not confirm but I think it’s positive at least that something is in the process of happening, and we can least talk about things openly for now.

thanks again for listening

Ask your Mum if someone can go with her to the appointment. Otherwise it can be difficult to know exactly what’s going on
x

 

[Munchkin22]

As well as bloods, your mum should have a scan to rule out other causes for her confusion/Memory issues. If these show suspected Dementia, then she should be referred to a Memory Clinic. I would definitely advise trying to go to the appointments with her, if possible as then you will get the info and can ask questions.

Writing to people's GP in regards to people's Memory is something that I do for work on a daily basis, as I work in the Memory team at a hospital.

 

[Andrew78]

Hi all.

It’s been a while since I posted on here. Things settled down for a while, but in the last few days they have gotten a lot worse for mum. My stepbrother called round to see her a couple days and found her in a bit of a state. I’m staying with her at the moment and along with her memory issues she is now really struggling to get her words out, if at all, and also gets very confused about things (she keeps asking me where ‘the other two are’ but there’s only the two of us here). I’m waiting for her doctor to call me back and have taken in a urine sample to them as requested, but not sure exactly where to go next. She seems happy enough in herself, in fact she doesn’t seem to know what all the fuss is about.

I guess I just need to wait until the doctor gets back to me but in the meantime I’m struggling to know what to do, other than just be around to help her out. I live a long way away though so at some point something has to happen one way or another.

Thanks! Andrew

 

[Roobsie]

When my mother first started really exhibiting signs of dementia, we got a form from her GP, which she signed, giving me permission to access her GP records. It enabled me to see that she was over ordering her meds and gave me access to the letters that had been sent direct to her which she then put to one side and forgot, e.g., appointment letters, etc. Also records of phone calls to her which she immediately forgot about. This might help keep you in the loop.

 

[Shedrech]

Hello @Roobsie
A warm welcome to DTP
Good to know some GPs have such useful forms available

Now you've joined us, do keep posting ... sharing experiences is really helpful

 

[Ronnie25]

My mum has been showing memory issues for a while now, but they seem to have become noticeably worse recently. She is coming to visit next week so I think the time has come to have a chat with her about it, but I really don’t know how to approach it. I’m assuming that the first step is to contact her GP who might then refer her on to someone else to get a formal diagnosis.

To be honest I’m struggling to know what to do at the moment. I’m her only relative (she lives on her own after my stepdad passed away last year) and I live some distance away so it‘s difficult to see her face to face as much as I’d like. She is friendly with some of her neighbours but not really close to anyone. I may be getting ahead of myself but I’m already worrying about how to care for her if she is diagnosed. She seems able to look after herself for the moment (and is in good health otherwise) but that won’t last forever. I don’t think she has a lot of savings although she does own her own home.

My mind is swimming with worries about this. There‘s no real history of dementia on her side of the family so it’s not something I’ve ever had to think about before. Perhaps I just need to slow down and take it one step at a time but I don’t really know where to start at the moment.

Thanks for listening!

Hi Andrew,

Sorry to hear about this. Your Mum is like mine as she does not have many close friends close by. I feel like it's all on me and the stress is a lot.