1. Greentomatoes

    Greentomatoes New member

    May 17, 2019
    Hi, thank you for letting me join. I am hopi g for some help and advise. My mother in law was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a couple of years ago, she was living with her husband, who was supporting her independent living. He died last weekend suddenly and unexpectedly, she is currently staying with us but wishes to return home. While we totally support her wish to maintain her independence we are a bit worried about her wellbeing and want to do everything we can to support her at home as long as we can. If anyone has any ideas/ strategies to help scaffold her so she is happy and safe we would welcome
    Thank you in anticipation
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    Hello @Greentomatoes you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

    I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there



    You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done.

    Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
  3. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    Hello @Greentomatoes and a warm welcome to the forum from me also.
    It may also help to contact your local social services and ask for a needs assessment, this may enable your MIL to stay independent for longer.
  4. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    Hi Greentomatoes
    It sounds like a very similar situation as my parents. Dad died quite suddenly, leaving mum whom he'd cared for the last couple of years as she has Alzheimer's. Fortunately they had Poa in place for both finance and welfare which meant my sister and I could set up direct debits, pay bills, get cash for mum etc. If you don't have these set up it would be good to arrange asap. We had a meeting with social services and they helped to set up day care for 3 days a week. On the other days mum has carers for one half hour visit to help with meals ..... Tho it did take quite a while for her to accept help! She also has a weekly cleaner. She is able to make her own breakfast and a sandwich for a snack. The family have to get her weekly shopping now and take her to all medical appointments as well as do laundry and maintain the house for repairs etc and visit at weekends to do a hot meal. With all this support mum has been able to live quite happily in her own home for 2 years. It is becoming more difficult now as her personal hygiene deteriorates and as she doesn't go out by herself we feel she is getting quite lonely.
  5. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    How close to you does she live? I am just wondering if you will be able to offer her regular hands-on support, including popping round if she calls?

    Do you know what she currently struggles with? Can she still deal with her finances? That is often the first thing to go in my experience, forgetting passwords/PIN numbers and the sequences necessary to withdraw or transfer money. Do you have Power of Attorney for her - if not, do that asap, don't wait, if you get it done and registered it can just sit there until needed.

    Can she still do everyday things like make a cup of tea, make herself a meal, do her laundry, go shopping? As she is staying with you at the moment it's a good time to (covertly) look for any gaps in her abilities. People with dementia are good at masking their loss of skills and you can't rely on her to tell you she can't do something, as it's likely she will keep saying it's all fine even when it totally isn't. Once you see what she needs help with you can decide if you can fill those gaps yourselves, or if she needs other help like a cleaner or carer.
  6. EricWilson

    EricWilson New member

    May 30, 2019
    It feels good when I listen or read about peoples like you (especially in an era like this where children do not look after there parents when they get aged) who are looking for there parents as well as there spouses parents also.
    I don't have any suggestions on this I can just say may God bless you...

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