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WHERE TO NEXT?

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,617
0
Southampton
Update.I am angry.Social services want me to go and stay at a friend's house to get some respite.But why can't they put my mother in respite (a care home )just for a week?why should it have to be ME that leaves my home?I'm fed up because I always seem to be the one that makes all the concessions?Why not HER?
maybe this is the way to show SS how much in need your mum is and thats what they want to observe problem is you will probably be worrying and it wont feel like respite to you
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,983
0
South coast
I get the feeling that SS know that your mum should be in a care home, but you are keeping her safe and, because of this, the LA panel is refusing the finances.
SS is talking about "staying with a friend" rather than "moving out", so it sounds to me like they know that it wont work, but need the evidence.

I think that if you need LA finances, you are going to have to jump through their hoops, sad and unfair though that is.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
740
0
@Orchid orchid because if your mother went into s respite home that would not prove that she needed to be in a home and could not be cared for at her own home. It is terrible that old people have to be left to fail and put at risk in order to prove that they cannot cope at home but as @canary says this is probably the only way to make SS accept that she cannot stay at home.
One suggestion here, could you install a couple of internet cameras in her home whilst you are away, so that you could firstly keep an eye on her, and secondly obtain evidence that might help your case?
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,498
0
If SS are going to pay for care, then they call the shots and if you want any progress with this, you should play their game . Unfair, yes. I don't see there's any option
 

Orchid orchid

Registered User
Dec 1, 2020
52
0
Update.I know you want to help me but I beg your pardon???I'm FUMING.At the moment ,I feel very low.It would appear I am being "outmanoeuvred" out of my own home?I don't want to go to friends house and sleep on the floor.THIS IS MY HOUSE! Legally ,at least half of it is ! Surely ,I've a right to live in it?I suffer from depression and it's extremely disruptive to me.I am a carer being put out of my own home,and surely ,I have SOME rights?They are treating me like a blasted fool.I have phoned my solicitor again and wrote to my local M.P, begging them for help.
If I lose my home,then I am certainly not prepared to do so on their terms?It will be MY TERMS.I will "bow out "but the way that I ,and I alone ,see fit ,Not THEM!!! I am considering asking my solicitor to put the house on the market.That way ,I can take my half of the money and start again afresh.My mother can do what she likes with her share.We can then go separate ways.Which obviously at this point in time will be no great loss.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,617
0
Southampton
Update.I know you want to help me but I beg your pardon???I'm FUMING.At the moment ,I feel very low.It would appear I am being "outmanoeuvred" out of my own home?I don't want to go to friends house and sleep on the floor.THIS IS MY HOUSE! Legally ,at least half of it is ! Surely ,I've a right to live in it?I suffer from depression and it's extremely disruptive to me.I am a carer being put out of my own home,and surely ,I have SOME rights?They are treating me like a blasted fool.I have phoned my solicitor again and wrote to my local M.P, begging them for help.
If I lose my home,then I am certainly not prepared to do so on their terms?It will be MY TERMS.I will "bow out "but the way that I ,and I alone ,see fit ,Not THEM!!! I am considering asking my solicitor to put the house on the market.That way ,I can take my half of the money and start again afresh.My mother can do what she likes with her share.We can then go separate ways.Which obviously at this point in time will be no great loss.
im sorry that you are fuming and think you are being pushed out of your home. i understand depression as ive had it 25yrs and it can be hard and disruptive especially in a different place with different routines. i think it was trying to show that your mother cant cope on her own and needs to go to a care home to be looked after. they have to put a case forward based on the evidence they have to determine what would be appropriate to her needs. i dont think anyone is trying to get you out of your home but maybe need to play the system. its not right or fair but it maybe needed. im sorry you are so upset.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
740
0
Rest assured that ownership of your home would not change if you moved out for a temporary period. I can understand your feelings, I would feel the same. Now that lockdown is easing is there a chance you could book a holiday in the UK, on your own? I realise that depends on finance.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,467
0
North West
Hi @Orchid orchid

I was just wondering after reading your entries how old you are? If your sixty or over your mums share of the property would be disregarded given the situation, but I have to say some LA's will disregard the property if you are below sixty if there is a reasonable argument that it should be disregarded. Mums house was disregarded because I had lived and cared for mum in the family home and I had no other place of dwelling, the LA reviewed the situation and agreed that given my circumstances the property was to be disregarded -they then only took mums pension. Its worth asking for a disregard and putting your case forward -hope that helps a little. I can appreciate it is not a nice place to be for you at the moment, but please let us know how you get on
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,888
0
@Orchard Orchard I'm so sorry you are so upset, and I agree the jumping through hoops seems so unfair. I think phoning the Dementia Support Line and talking through things with them might be helpful, they are open on Sundays. Their number is 0333 150 3456.
 

Orchid orchid

Registered User
Dec 1, 2020
52
0
@Orchard Orchard I'm so sorry you are so upset, and I agree the jumping through hoops seems so unfair. I think phoning the Dementia Support Line and talking through things with them might be helpful, they are open on Sundays. Their number is 0333 150 3456.
Today,I threatened to push her down the stairs.And punch her in the face.I am a gentle person but find myself thinking of all kinds of violence,like putting something on the stairs,so she falls.I phoned the police and told them.They didn't send anyone out to arrest me.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
64,384
0
70
Dundee
I’m so sorry to hear about how bad things are @Orchid orchid. As @Sarasa has suggested I think it would be a good idea to contact the Dementia Connect Support line to talk things through. They’re open from 9am to 8pm today -

 

Orchid orchid

Registered User
Dec 1, 2020
52
0
Good News!
I am so so grateful.And massively thankful.
Today ,my mother's social worker rang me to tell me they are going to put her in a home for about a month,so both of us can have a break.Also they will be able to monitor her,more closely.I am over the moon.Thank you to everyone who has helped advise me on this forum,I am so relieved that help arrived just in time,before something awful happenned,as I just was not coping,and my health had started to break.
I am now looking forward to a rest and a happier future for both myself and my mother!
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,617
0
Southampton
Good News!
I am so so grateful.And massively thankful.
Today ,my mother's social worker rang me to tell me they are going to put her in a home for about a month,so both of us can have a break.Also they will be able to monitor her,more closely.I am over the moon.Thank you to everyone who has helped advise me on this forum,I am so relieved that help arrived just in time,before something awful happenned,as I just was not coping,and my health had started to break.
I am now looking forward to a rest and a happier future for both myself and my mother!
brilliant news. now you can look after yourself
 

Orchid orchid

Registered User
Dec 1, 2020
52
0
Good News!
I am so so grateful.And
Great news, but you need to be firm about not having her back, she needs to stay.

massively thankful.
Today ,my mother's social worker rang me to tell me they are going to put her in a home for about a month,so both of us can have a break.Also they will be able to monitor her,more closely.I am over the moon.Thank you to everyone who has helped advise me on this forum,I am so relieved that help arrived just in time,before something awful happenned,as I just was not coping,and my health had started to break.
I am now looking forward to a rest and a happier future for both myself and my mother!
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,888
0
Such good news @Orchid orchid. When I moved mum to a care home I lied through my teeth about what was happening. I'd told her she was moving near me for a while while work was done to her flat. Can you say something similar, or that your mum is going on holiday? I wouldn't mention anything about it if you can till they are at the door to take her, otherwise she'll get more an more confused about it.
As for returning home, hopefully there should be a best interest meeting and you will be able to say why you can no longer have her at home.
Fingers crossed she loves it and thrives.