1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

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Where there's a will... Relatives will follow

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Isabella41, May 31, 2015.

  1. Isabella41

    Isabella41 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    901
    Northern Ireland
    When my uncle died I was very unwell and waiting on surgery so I was in no fit state to fly over to help my aunt sort out his affairs so my uncle (her elder brother) and his wife took care of it. As some of you will know from reading my other thread I've been helping my aunt get her own affairs in order now as she had been putting it off for too long.

    As I didn't want to be accused of anything I advised we should tell the said uncle that she had been to see the solicitor. My uncle's wife upon hearing that the will is a mirror image of my late uncles huffed and said it wasn't fair her (already amazingly wealthy) sons were getting nothing. I wondered how she knew who was in the will as I wasn't even present when it was drawn up but it transpires she saw my uncles will when he died. She has asked my aunt to go back to the solicitor to add the sons name. I have cousins who are as poor as church mice who I know will now get much less if these names are added. My late uncle knew the sons were fablously wealthy with second homes both here and abroad and stand to inherit from their own parents too.

    What do I do.. To me it amounts to my poor aunt being made to feel guilty. She is so afraid of causing offence she will agree to anything. Do I contact the solicitor to say I don't believe she's adding these names of her own free will but rather to 'please' the boys' mother. The boys' mother is also not jumping for joy that I'm being given POA. Her boys wouldn't want it as they have enough on their plates with lots of young children and high powered careers so I can't see what her issues are.

    I spoke with the boys' mother this afternoon but whilst she said she knew I'd been seeing my aunt she never mentioned that she'd asked her to change her will. She did say that it would be better for the solicitor to be the POA. I said that would hardly be practical. Thankfully my aunt is not going to try to rescind that.

    What if the boys mother did get in contact with the solicitor however to say she feels I shouldn't have POA. Considering auntie's memory is getting worse month by month I'm more than worried the day is fast approaching when no solicitor would agree to her making a POA so was more than relieved to get it set up last Friday.

    I don't stand to gain financially in anyway as the boys mother told me I was not mentioned in my late uncles will so if the new one is a mirror image it stands to reason i'm not in it either. I'm not bothered as my reasons for being involved are to ensure my aunt is well cared for in the remaining years of her life. None of cousins bother about her or even call and some of them live less than an hour away.

    This is stressing me out and if I'd known the hassle involved I'd have had second thoughts.
     
  2. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    A couple of thoughts....

    Your aunt would not be able to change her will unless the solicitor was satisfied that (a) she had capacity to do so and (b) that she was not being inappropriately influenced by someone else.

    If you have been granted LPA to manage your aunt's finances she obviously trusted you to act in her best interests. In your place I would contact her solicitor and discuss your concerns with him/her. If you think that your aunt would no longer have capacity to make an LPA most likely she wouldn't be considered to have capacity to alter her will either. You have to protect her; she is very vulnerable.
     
  3. Isabella41

    Isabella41 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    901
    Northern Ireland
    Pickles. The will and POA have only recently been set up. The registration process is not completed yet for the POA. If I go back to the solicitor I could be accused of also trying to influence my aunt. I do know that not all nieces and nephews were named in the will so what's to stop their respective parents calling up my aunt to demand that their children are named too. For that matter by not her actual brothers and sisters demanding a share too. Surely the solicitor would get a tad suspicious if all this is happening.
     
  4. mrjelly

    mrjelly Registered User

    Jul 23, 2012
    317
    West Sussex
    In this situation, I think you should prioritise securing your position as your aunt's attorney and protecting her money while she is alive. Advise auntie to bequeath her estate in whatever way makes her happiest, without getting involved.
     
  5. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    Given the past history with your family members, Isabella, I think that's sound advice. There's a real danger you'll become the bad guy in all of this if they think you're interfering although I fully understand your concerns and would want to do the same. It won't make any difference to your aunt in the end.

    You can have the last laugh when the cousins all fall out further down the line.....;);)
     
  6. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    #6 Pickles53, Jun 1, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2015
    I see the risk but as you are the attorney your position is different to anyone else as you actually have a responsibility to your aunt (once LPA is registered which is definitely first on the list). Perhaps you could just ask the solicitor for advice about what is appropriate for you to do before giving details? Or you could ask a different solicitor for some general advice as there can then be no suggestion that you are trying to influence her will.

    I don't think any solicitor would even discuss who's in/out of the will with a third party, let alone take any notice of their demands, but you're not asking about that. You're simply expressing a concern that other family members may try to influence your aunt inappropriately so he/she is alerted to anything untoward happening in future.
     
  7. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    POA or not, you are aware that someone is pressuring your aunt to alter her will- surely you have a duty to inform her solicitor of that fact?
     
  8. Isabella41

    Isabella41 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    901
    Northern Ireland
    I rang to speak with the solicitor but they are not in the office today. I am so fearful of finding myself being the one accused of influencing my aunt. I honestly couldn't care less if she made a will and left everything to the local Dog's home. I am more concerned about how upset she was when she phoned me to tell me what my other aunt was asking of her. If only auntie hadn't said she'd made a will but hey ho the poor woman probably didn't see there was an issue. If the news leaks out there is a will made there is nothing to stop a plethora of relatives ringing her up with (in their minds) valid reasons why they or their offspring should be included in this will.
    I do find it very distastful that someone would dare to ask another to change their will so that they or their offspring be included. To me it amounts to begging. If these boys were peniless and their parents poor I could perhaps have a small understanding but they are wealthy beyond the dreams of the average person so this request amounts to nothing more than pure unadulterated greed.
     
  9. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    its in very bad taste, and of course they know very well, that if was of sound mind she would realise that her will meets her desires, not anyone else.
    Its because they think they can get away with it that they will try
     

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