Where now ? Feel like I’m drowning

[4 getmenot]

Hi
My amazing father in law has just been diagnosed with mixed dementia,after 2 years due to the fact he’s very high intellect (148) diagnosis was delayed however it became very very obvious 6 months ago to everyone there was a problem. Brain scans showed a lot of problems but to the out side world he was just his normal self. However cut a long story short yesterday they finally told us he has mid stage mixed dementia I’m unsure what I need to do next. I’m normally a organised person but life throws in obstacles and I’ve began to feel like I’m in out my depths
Sadie x

 

[Soobee]

Hi Sadie, welcome to Talking Point.

It's hard to get to grips with a diagnosis and I think we've all felt out of our depth at some stage. I found it useful to read as much info as I could around the type of dementia your FIL (father in law) has - the Alzheimer's Society do factsheets and there's one on dementia here - as it's mixed, the one on Alzheimers and the one on vascular dementia may also be relevant.

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/download/downloads/id/3416/what_is_dementia.pdf

It would also be useful for you to contact the national helpline
0300 222 11 22
They will be able to tell you of support close to where you live, and potential services your FIL could access.

In terms of finance, please ensure you look into getting a Lasting Power Of Attorney, so that someone can help him with his finances when he starts to struggle with them. Hopefully he is still at the stage where he can understand and agree to this, but if not, there are other options.

Also, feel free to ask us on the forum if you are unsure about anything.

 

[canary]

Hello @4 getmenot and welcome to Talking Point.
Feeling overwhelmed and out of your depth is par for the course when someone is first diagnosed with dementia, Im afraid. Remind yourself that nothing has changed overnight - you have known for a long time that there have been problems and this is now confirmed.

First of all, I would make sure the legal/bureaucratic stuff is done. Has he made a will and done POA? If not, do these things now while he is still able. If you havnt done so, he (or you on his behalf) can apply for Attendance Allowence and Council Tax exemption, so that if he lives on his own he should pay no Council Tax and if he lives with one other person there should be a 25% reduction. Both these things are non means tested, but the form for claiming AA is complicated and it might be useful to have AgeUK or Citizens Advice to help.

You can ask Social Services for a needs assessment for him and also for a carers assessment for you if you are his main carer. Unfortunately there is often a waiting list and you have to chase it up.

Enjoy doing things with him. If there are problems or questions you can always post on here - there is almoslt always someone who knows about it.

 

[Izzy]

Hi and welcome to Talking Point.

I'm sorry to read about your FIL's diagnosis. I can imagine you must all be feeling very anxious and concerned about the future.

I wondered if this Dementia Guide would be of any help-

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20111/publications_about_dementia/790/the_dementia_guide

You might also consider having a look to see if there is a branch of the Alzheimer's Society near you. If so then you could give them a ring and see if they can provide any support or advice. If you put your postcode into the link here you'll find out if there is one near you -

http://alzheimers.org.uk/?_ga=2.234977928.807007320.1508855697-555544372.1504370756

You could also phone the Dementia Helpline. The people there have a depth of knowledge which they can share with you. This is their number - 0300 222 11 22

I'm glad you found the forum as there will always be someone around to share experiences with you or point you in the right direction.

 

[Izzy]

Oops! Cross posted - Soobee and Canary posted while I was typing!

 

[Soobee]

no problem - we've all covered different things

 

[canary]

Oops! Cross posted - Soobee and Canary posted while I was typing!

I know - Soobbe posted while I was replying too, but I think it is useful to have different replies

Oh, shes posted again while I was typing this!

 

[Shedrech]

hello @4 getmenot
a warm welcome to TP
I'd say first, breathe ... hearing a diagnosis is a shock, even when it's expected, so give yourself some time to begin to adjust - and bare in mind that your father-in-law (fil) is the same man today that he was yesterday (if not quite a few years ago), so keep in view the amazing man he is
it's really good that you've come to TP so early as you'll find lots of information and support here - and do check out the main AS site (button extreme top right of this page) as there are several factsheets that will be of help to you
just a small heads up - depending on how your fil is affected, he may not himself retain knowledge of the diagnosis, so family maybe want to discuss whether you will use the 'dementia' tem with him, or find something that will not make him anxious - go with the flow
talk things over with his consultant and ask any questions you have - they may want to start your fil on some meds, depending on whether Alzheimer's is in the mix
do look into some practical issues - Powers of Attorney especially
https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney
and checking that his will is up to date
it will be too soon to apply for Attendance Allowance, but look at the forms and apply when you believe he is eligible, many leave it until a long time after, which is a shame as the benefit is not means tested and it opens the way to seeking a Council Tax disregard and for an eligible carer to apply for Carer's Allowance
I've only mentioned a few things, the main advice I have is
now you've found TP, join in and chat, it's the greatest source of support you will come across (well, you can see that now as other members posted before I finished typing)
best wishes

 

[canary]

it will be too soon to apply for Attendance Allowance

Actually, you can apply once the symptoms and problems have been there for 6 months, not just 6 months after the diagnosis and it sounds like 4 getmenot's FIL has had this for longer than 6 months. I applied for, and got, AA for mum as soon as she had been diagnosed.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @canary
I said 'too soon' simply from the brief description given
I do agree that you don't necessarily have to wait, but the person has to fulfil the criteria set to be eligible and those are around the level of support needed, as you say the symptoms, not simply that a diagnosis has been made - my dad, for example, didn't need that level of support on diagnosis even on his very worst days, he was still able to pretty much look after himself - over time he lost abilities and I eventually realised how much I was doing for him so applied - If I'd known about AA earlier and had the forms available to consider, I'd have applied sooner, which is why I suggested having a look at the forms and then 4 getmenot can begin noting down evidence for each of the sections to check whether her fil is eligible

 

[4 getmenot]

OMG
Wow what a difference it makes not feeling so alone

I’ve got things here I can sort out organise and educate my self with ( makes me feel a little in control that’s what I think I need)

Thank you so much