Where do you go if you want to sound off?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by TED, Oct 5, 2004.

  1. TED

    TED Registered User

    Sep 14, 2004
    154
    Middlesex
    Good day everyone
    wasnt sure how to head up this post for assistance
    and it might be something that comes up often so apologies for bringing it up again if i do but....

    often I've found myself needing to sound off or get my feelings out especially after spending some time with my parents. Guess I am quite an emotional person but I just dont seem to know where to turn to when I need to let it all out of me. I cant really let it out to my Dad or other members of the family as I'm trying to be strong for them all

    Message boards like this are great but arent really the same as being able to get things off your chest once in a while. I've tried samaratains and they are wonderful people, but again I come off that still feeling like I've got it all bottled in.

    Other than going to my GP and asking to be sectioned does anyone know of any groups or good places to seek some impartial assistance. Though I have really good friends I find it impossible to burden them with my problems and I almost feel like going to a church and 'confessing' if you know what I mean but as I'm not overly religious I dont feel this would be fair either. (That said I'm still going to have a few words with god when I meet him)

    I probably havent got over how I feel in this message but I hope that some others especially younger people who are also helping out with thier family like I am will understand.

    Anyway thanks for letting me join in and I'll try and make more sense next time.
    TED
     
  2. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Ted
    stick with us and you will find many folks in the same boat,me for starters.
    Tell us your frustrations and we will try to help.
    You could also join your local Alzheimer's group for live chat
    All best wishes
    Norman
     
  3. TED

    TED Registered User

    Sep 14, 2004
    154
    Middlesex
    Hello Norman and thanks
    I am here a lot and though I havent posted much have gained a lot from reading much of what others have to say
    Have just got to a bad place today and need someone I can sit down with and talk, writing text doesnt quite work for me even though I am sure there are plenty of people 'listening' as such.

    If you've ever seen the film 'Analyse This' (DeNiro and Billy Crystal) what I need apart from a good psychiatrist is to simply hit a pillow!!! but I dont own a gun.......

    Thanks again
    TED
     
  4. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dar Ted,

    Norman is on the ball with this one about getting in touch with your local AS group. If you need to let off steam, then do so there or with TP. Don't ever be shy about 'sounding off' here and eveyone will support you in spades. We all do it regularly and it does help a lot!

    In my experience, unless you have a cousin or a friend who is going through a similar scene with their loved ones, then you won't get the support you need. Being a carer is really something that you have to live to actually KNOW and with all the will in the world, friends just can't provide that support. It is very much a case of 'been there, done/doing that'.

    I have cousins on both sides of the family dealing with AD parents, so we have regular 'whinge' sessions on the phone. Neither cousin contributes to TP because they don't have computers unfortunately, so I usually ring them with the latest news and updates. I also have one friend whose mother had AD and he is another person that I can talk to.

    For daily support I use TP and thank God [and Craig] that this forum is available.

    Best wishes,

    Jude
     
  5. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Ted

    oh boy, is this a relevant question.

    14 years into the nightmare the closest I have come to a solution is:
    • the people on Talking Point
    • Other people in the same position [at my wife's care home:she is young]
    • one or two really close friends. While they could not really understand, they were there to hear me rant, quietly
    • only one other person managed to fit the bill: Ronnie Callanan, who now works for Crossroads

    I substituted:
    • sitting 200 feet down the garden in the trees screaming silently [didn't want to scare the wee creatures]
    • doing something physical and drastic: chopping trees down, massacring wood
    • writing intensively

    Funny you mention being sectioned - I have often thought that I should have been. But that would have been too easy though it would have taken matters out of my hands.

    Totally useless were:
    • the church [too busy being happy clappy and airy fairy, and too busy being concerned about things outside their remit far away when the true need was inside their community]
    • most friends [they either walked off, or I did not want them to be driven off by my problems]; these were what I would term close acquaintances as the real friends were the ones that let me rant.

    Try Talking Point until you find something else that's better - then tell us all what that is!

    Here on this site, we understand your sitiuation.
     
  6. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    Dear TED

    Number one, get your fingers flying on this site before you blow at any time, please. No, it isn't the same as one-to-one physical conversation but it's the next best thing, and in some cases better - you can do it when you're sitting in your dressing gown in need of a shower, your hair looking like an explosion in a mattress factory - I speak for myself only, of course, am sure you are extremely smart.

    I originally, EXPLODED onto this TP under a thread marked PC Care Home **** and Mrs Pumblechook, (analyze that!!) in the most awful state, in the early hours of one July morning, with a completely emotionally uncensored tirade of such gobbledook I was amazed that anyone would even bother to read it. I was so desperate to offload the way I felt - I really felt as though my head and heart were about to implode. But read it they did.

    I was (and still am to this day) absolutely amazed by the ensuing support and occasionally still now read through the whole thread to see just how I was brought through such emotional desolation by other members - 'gentling' me through it with sensitivity, common sense and humour. It serves as a reminder of how emotionally lonely I had become, even though often surrounded by people, because the context of the feelings are nothing I had ever felt before.

    It is also possible to mail people privately on this site for support, if that would be better for you; and remember, you can say what you feel and use a pseudonym if you feel the need to protect your loved ones. Mrs Pumblechook is my darling Mum, but nicknamed by me to protect her privacy (and it was a name she loved, anyway) and allow me say what I feel about those services/people I feel let me and her down.

    If you can also talk to a sympathetic GP they may recommend you for counselling or perhaps you could suggest it to them - for the carer there is a lot of stress, depression, grief, etc to go hand in hand with AD, nobody can be expected to carry it and remain totally in charge at all times - remember, you're not Superman - the job is already taken and, apart from anything, do you look good in tights?

    Thinking of you
    Chesca

    See, while I was busying with my keyboard, they've already been here for you (and always will be). I swear to God they've antennae all over the shop.
     
  7. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear TED,

    The Instant Response Team on your case as per usual ........ almost 24 hours a day.

    Brucie, I sincerely hope that every Crossroads office has a Ronnie Callahan in charge, because she is something else...!! Now, there's one woman that I would like to see cloned for national distribution.

    Chesca - I'm not going to buy a webcam. I'd have to dress properly and wash my hair.....

    Jude
     
  8. barraf

    barraf Registered User

    Mar 27, 2004
    308
    Huddersfield
    Where do you go if you want to sound off

    Dear Ted

    I heartily reccomend your local Alzheimer's society support group.

    When I was approached to see if I wanted to join my local support group, my intention was to go just to one and then quietly drop out.

    It was a revelation, you meet people who have or are experiencing the same problems as you are and are prepared to listen and offer advice from their own experiences.

    At the very least you get a sympathetic ear and someone to point you in the direction of help should you require it.

    Because all the members of the group are in the same boat, no one turns away or seems disinterested as you will probably have found friends and family do.

    The only problem is that in our case the group only meets once a month.

    In the mean time TP is a great help, even if you don't feel like posting just reading the posts can help relieve the strain.

    That is of course if you can put up with the warped humour of our resident comediennes Jude, Chesca, Sheila and Storm.

    Appologies girls if I've missed anyone

    Cheers Barraf
     
  9. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Barraf,

    For shame....!

    You missed out the wee Magic one .....

    WARPED? What CAN you MEAN......? I thought we were only a bit creased around the edges.

    And while we are on the subject, Brucie and Norman can't get off scott free either - read some of their jokes on Tea Room.

    Jude xx
     
  10. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    #10 Brucie, Oct 5, 2004
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2004
    Hey Jude - you calling me warped?
     

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  11. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Ted
    there are all sorts of carers groups held around the UK where you can meet with other carers.
    Hav a look on the resources thread there are some useful contact addresses on there,including carers web sites.
    Good luck
    Norman
     
  12. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    #12 Norman, Oct 5, 2004
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2004
    I've just had an awful shock a warped man,I think it was a man jumped out at me.
    JUde what have you invoked ?
    Norman
     
  13. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    I am not warped I look better since my plastic surgery

    Norman
     

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  14. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Chesca
    your mail box is full
    Norman
     
  15. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    Boys! Boys! In the name of all that's holy!!

    Aren't we trying to support TED as opposed to frightening the poor blighter into the local home for the bewildered! And wouldn't those photos be better placed in the gallery alongside Riise on the 'Getting the medication in' thread as competition. I think I'm having an attack of the vapours!

    My apologies, TED, they're not usually this badly behaved - they usually excel themselves!!

    Kind wishes
    Chesca
     
  16. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    Sorry, Norman, am doing some judicious housekeeping immediately - told you earlier about my slatternly qualities.

    Loadsa
    Chesca
    X
     
  17. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Brucie,

    I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT..... It was Barraf. Why do I always get into trouble?

    I nearly had 30 kinds of heart attack when your photo shot up on my screen..... for God's SAKE Brucie!!! And those poor women in the background who are all rushing for cover as well.

    Luckily Norman has sent a lovely post operative photo to sooth my heart...... You do look so much better after liposuction Norm, although I'm a bit worried about the ring in your left ear - are you tending towards the trendy now?

    I shall send a photo of myself - once the bruises from my nose job have disappeared.

    Happy surgery all,

    Jude xxx
     
  18. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear TED,

    Norman posted something to the effect of 'there are all sorts of carer's groups around the UK......'

    I THINK I MIGHT JOIN ONE........

    Jude xxx
     
  19. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    It's not now. Full that is, the mail box. Thanks for the alert.

    Chesca
     
  20. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Ted

    I forgot one item on my list of things that work when one is stressed, and it seems to work for a number of people.

    Humour.

    One of the best ways to let off steam is to laugh. We have the jokes section of the tea room for that, and also Jude, Chesca, Sheila, Storm and Magic seem to have developed a bit of a knack.

    Me, I'm just knackered.
     

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