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Where do we start with getting help in the home ?


New member
Jul 16, 2020
My father , in his early 80s is in the middle to late stages of Alzheimers. He was diagnosed over 5 years ago and is now showing some serious deterioration. He began 'sundowning' earlier this year and now is at the stage where he needs help with all of his personal care and for example has forgotten how to get dressed or undressed. He has just recently forgotten how to clean his teeth.

All that said he has a reasonable quality of life , all things considered, because he is looked after 24/7 by my mother , also in her 80s. She looks after him, does all of the shopping (online) , cleaning , washing, gardening , cooking etc. I support them as much as they require in all of the above.

However with his recent deterioration my Mum has realised that she can't do it all , particularly the personal care which she is starting to find difficult. Also the sundowning effect is particularly causing sleepless nights with my Dad waking her up every hour. So she realises that we need to get a plan in place for when she needs it. This is also about ensuring she is ok, she has been very stressed recently , particularly with the lack of sleep.

So where do we start with getting care in the home please? Is it always best to start with a needs assessment? Do we go direct to social services or via his doctor? Or should we first try private care at home if its affordable?

Appreciate any advice, thank you.


Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
Hello @Glenn66 and welcome to DTP
I would suggest a needs assessment from SS and Possibly a financial assessment to see if he would be self funding.
I wonder if this link would be helpful?
the forum is a helpful and friendly Place I hope you will continue to post


Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
High Peak
If your dad will be self-funding you can just go ahead and get private carers.

I'd suggest the 'stealth' method - tell your dad the carer is someone coming in to help your mum with the cleaning, etc, because she's really tired. He may not take to a 'stranger' doing personal care straightaway but if you can get him used to someone visiting regularly he may accept it better. Then your mum can say, 'Oh, XX is going to get you up and showered today because I need to go shopping'. Hopefully it will be possible for your mum to get a break.