Where do we go??

[Dog Lady]

MIL is not diagnosed with dementia but is very confused, has short term memory problems, and making up stories to fit her needs.

The biggest problem we have is that she is convinced everyone is out to get her and that there is nothing wrong with her, but someone has been into her house moving things or if she cant find something, someone has stolen it (biscuit tins, wool, sewing box).

My MIL is very stubborn, self centred and uncaring She has pushed all of her family away and only has contact with her son my DH, she doesn't have any friends and has just moved house so knows know one. She does have a red cross support worker but as always she doesn't like her and she's only met her once. My DH is only there for her out of guilt as he's the only contact she has to the outside world, online shopping, clothing, boiler broken etc. MY MIL will not phone anyone and lays on the guilt trip to get things she wants done or threatens suicide or says she will report him to the police about a made up allegation that she is at the time convinced happened. (DH has never broken the law)

What ever we do is wrong, what ever we don't do is wrong, we are in a no win situation with a woman that doesn't even want to see things from our point of view, we can't talk to her as she wont listen.

I know this is a very uncaring post but we can't take much more verbal abuse, threats or guilt trips. Know one seems to understand , my DH tried talking to people in work about whats going on but they just don't understand and think no matter what you have to be there for her as she's your mother. She's always been like this but with the threats starting we don't know where to turn. I have explained this to the support worker but she doesn't seem to want to do anything.

Please if anyone one has any ideas, we just want to get her help.

Dog Lady

 

[Quilty]

You are not uncaring. You are at your wits end. I would think gp is your first step. Paranoid thoughts are very common.

 

[canary]

Thinking people are stealing things is really common dementia. Mum thought people were breaking in to steal things and thought that children from the school upstairs (she lived in a bungalow) were moving stuff around. She was also very suspicious and said that "they" were going to "put her away", but who "they" were I never did work out.
She had constant arguments with her neighbours over the bins and was really very nasty to a very old and dear friend of hers (who had done nothing wrong).

All of these things were the first things that really made me sit up and go - OK, this isnt just memory loss that goes with old age. I think she had hidden the signs of dementia for a long time and, as she lived on her own, no-one realised that there was a problem.

With dementia it is indeed a no-win situation.

As quilty says - first stop is her GP to get the ball rolling for a proper diagnosis.