1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. mel872

    mel872 Registered User

    Dec 14, 2015
    2
    My Mum has been diagnosed with an end of life condition - she is the main carer for my father who has Alzheimers. They still live at home. I fear that the responsibility will rest with me but I cannot look after my parents, my own family and a full time job - where do I turn for help and advice? Thank you
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    The Alzheimers Society have a great helpline and can help you with all sorts of issues and local services 0300 222 1122

    As does Age Uk, their helpline is open 24 hours 365 days a year and they give excellent practical advice and is a freephone number 0800 169 2081 so you can get hold of them at a time convenient to you.

    I think I would get the hospice involved to support your Mum (and your Dad) and that would probably be my first call because if you have a good local hospice they will help you to coordinate things. They have some fantastic services.

    It might be useful to involve Social Services if they are not already - an assessment and help with care. Adult Social Care duty desk will give you some advice about the way forward and they can do a carers assessment at the same time

    Your mum will be eligible for speedy Attendance Allowance to help with extra costs, as is your Dad if he is not already getting it. Worth checking this and asking for help with the form filling - sometimes your local carers organisation will help with this but usually AGe UK will send a volunteer to help with this if you want them to - they are experienced form fillers and it takes the stress away :)

    Although your Mum has just had a shock diagnosis and so have you all................I suspect she will still want to be very much in control of your Dad's care. Take care of yourself as you tread this delicate balance. There is lots of help 'out there' and lots of help and support on here too xxx
     
  3. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    If she has been diagnosed as on end end of life care then she should have been put on an end of life care plan. This would entail a social worker becoming involved who should be able to include any plans for the care of your dad who is at the centre of this also.

    You are not and should not be alone in shouldering this great responsibility. I would ask the consultant in charge of your mother's care to get the wheels in motion to get you the help you need.

    I'm so sorry you find yourself in this terrible situation but please remember that there are agencies such as social workers and dedicated end of life hospital staff who have the knowledge to help both with mum and with dad.

    xxTinaT
     
  4. mel872

    mel872 Registered User

    Dec 14, 2015
    2
    Thank you

    I appreciate your responses - it is wonderful to know that there are people out there who can help - I am in the spinning on the spot stage at present but you have given me some valuable information to hopefully enable me to jump off the merry go round. Thanks again
     
  5. Mannie

    Mannie Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    115
    Bracknell area
    It is so hard to contemplate at such a difficult time but likely you need to gradually phase in home care for your dad. We had to gradually persuade my mum that she needed more help, we started off with having a carer in t o help get dad ready in the morning and despite our worst fears they both loved it because the carers are such great company and give them a real "lift". As others have said , social services can guide you on what their needs are and suggest a care package, they can also help you by suggesting this to your parents.
     
  6. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    I think one of the things you xan do for your mum is to reassure her that your dad will be well cared for. She may be more worried about him than herself.
    What a terrible situation to he in. All yhe suggestions above are great but please remember YOU. Keep posting and find someone who is not involved you can talk to. So many here have been though so much that we can offer support. My dad had hospice at home and it could not have been better. He had a beautiful and peaceful passing. Try to live in the moment and not look too far ahead. Deal with each problem as it comes up. Sending you a big hug. Xx quilty
     
  7. Beetroot

    Beetroot Registered User

    Aug 19, 2015
    363
    In addition to what others have said, it would be worth having a word with your employer to let them know the family situation and maybe negotiate shorter hours for a bit or a bit of extra leave to take when essential.
     

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