My mum looks after my dad with Alzheimer's,I go down every day if possible .Last week every day when I went down it was either mum crying or mum and dad crying .She is struggling with the endless questions of not knowing who she is ,when can he go home ,asking for her ,yet he won't believe anything what mum says .If I tell him it's mum and explain his illness too him he seems to accept it for a while ,but by they end of the day he is back down the same route of questions .Mum says she feels so stressed ( she's 87) and can't speak about it without getting upset .i have said this is what it's going to be like ,and isn't going to get any easier for her or any of us .If we take him out for the day it seems to add to the confusion when he goes back home .Mum says no to rest bite and a care home is unthinkable,but she will make herself so I'll ,I don't know where to turn next .Any ideas ?
Where do I turn to next
- Thread starter Spitty
- Start date
Good afternoon Spitty, so sorry you seem to be so distressed and unable to change your mums way of living/thinking due to dad having dementia, yes at 87 years young it can be so difficult to change or accept that dad is not going to get better and it can very stressful more so in the twilight years, but you have stated the obvious she will become ill herself and won't be able to help your dad. Could you have a chat with their doctor to see if any practical help could be put into place? however small,it may just ease the pressure
don't know if you have a day center near mum and dads but if so it may give your mum just a few hours break.
Take care
Chris
don't know if you have a day center near mum and dads but if so it may give your mum just a few hours break.Take care
Chris
Good afternoon Spitty, so sorry you seem to be so distressed and unable to change your mums way of living/thinking due to dad having dementia, yes at 87 years young it can be so difficult to change or accept that dad is not going to get better and it can very stressful more so in the twilight years, but you have stated the obvious she will become ill herself and won't be able to help your dad. Could you have a chat with their doctor to see if any practical help could be put into place? however small,it may just ease the pressure
Take care
Chris
Thanks Chris ,I printed off the times for a day centre last week. Mum says she won't go as she doesn't like to discuss things with people she doesn't know ,I told her she doesn't need to tell anyone anything if she doesn't want to ,but she still said no .I may take dad up though and see what he thinks to it
You could try a carers cafe with your mum - they are usually great - a good source of local info and support and perhaps you could all three try an activity like Singing for the Brain - maybe once your mum has been once with you and your Dad she will find it a bit easier - it is really tough when you are under stress just to begin the process
Does she claim attendance allowance for him and the council tax waiver - both are very useful extra bits of money to use to get that much needed break before she makes herself ill
This is really useful - it helps and it really works - we had our copy pinned to the fridge - made a big difference - http://www.ocagingservicescollabora...te-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired.pdf
good luck, i really feel for you all - it is such a difficult time
Does she claim attendance allowance for him and the council tax waiver - both are very useful extra bits of money to use to get that much needed break before she makes herself ill
This is really useful - it helps and it really works - we had our copy pinned to the fridge - made a big difference - http://www.ocagingservicescollabora...te-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired.pdf
good luck, i really feel for you all - it is such a difficult time
