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Where do I start


New member
Aug 10, 2020
My mam in law lost husband last July to cancer and we suspect she’s having memory issues and is having some tests soon .Sister in law is living with her looking after her . We have 3rd party access to her bank and have noticed money going out lots of cash withdrawals lots of money being spent in supermarket and we suspect they are both drinking as husband visited and took 3 bags to bottle banks . She lives 46 miles away and with work it’s difficult to visit often should I report this to social worker thanks


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Hello @Valhepp and welcome to DTP

I think a lot of people have been drinking more during the lock down, but above this many people with dementia in the early stages are aware that something is wrong, although they often cannot quite put their finger on what, so it leaves them anxious and depressed and they try and self medicate on alcohol. And I tell you, living with someone with dementia is enough to drive anyone to drink, so I could imagine them both turning to alcohol in order to try and cope.

BTW, the large cash withdrawals may not be being spent on booze - mum used to withdraw hundreds of pounds on a regular basis and I could not work out what she spent it on. When I cleared out her bungalow after she moved into a care home I found stashes of hundreds of pounds (a few thousand all together), all in cash, hidden in various places around her bungalow. This sort of behaviour is really, really common - they are aware that they need to have money, but no longer really understand how banks etc work, so they withdraw cash and then hide it to "keep it safe" so that no-one will steal it. They then forget that they have done it and withdraw some more.

Perhaps initially you could have a discrete word with your sister and see if she will open up to you about what is happening