1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Where do I put precious things?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Zuzu72, Aug 11, 2015.

  1. Zuzu72

    Zuzu72 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    19
    Hi guys

    This may sound trivial but it's been a very stressful morning & I've still got the contents of the Hoover to search through. My mum has mixed Dementia & have a couple of pieces of jewellery (a locket from my dad & a ring) that are of great sentimental value to me, but she insists on wearing them & every other piece of jewellery she owns! it's not that she is especially attached to them (long story), but she keeps taking them off and on and at the moment, having found the locket this morning, she lost it again within half an hour. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do to try & keep them safe? Every time I suggest that I put them away safely, she acts as if I'm stealing them and every time they go missing she gets aggressive and denies losing them, then tells me that I'm the problem! I'm just sad that they may get lost for good
     
  2. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    2,951
    You have two choices as far as I can see. Either you take the view that they are hers, not yours and she is entitled to do exactly what she wants with them.
    Or
    As you are being blamed for them being lost anyway you remove the pieces for safekeeping but don't wear them yourself, and take the flak, of which there will probably be plenty, but you can always put them back if you feel you have done the wrong thing.
     
  3. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    Exactly what I've done, any sentimental or valuable pieces that went missing I found and put away in a very safe place Also moved my jewellery out of sight.. Told mum I'd look for missing stuff and then took her out to buy some cheaper pieces. It has worked so far, did have to put up with a lot of "help me find it" but that was the same response when the valuable stuff went missing.
     
  4. betsie

    betsie Registered User

    Jun 11, 2012
    250
    Could you buy some cheap bits of costume jewellrey so she still has things to put on and off and fiddle with?

    I have taken my mums engagement ring and put it in a safe place as I was worried she would throw it out by mistake.
     
  5. Risa

    Risa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2015
    483
    Essex
    My Mum lost a lovely ring as she has a bad habit of taking her jewellery off and wrapping it in tissue, leaving it vulnerable to being thrown out or dropped. Dad has taken custody of her other jewellery using the excuse that there have been a lot of burglaries so he has 'hidden' them in a hard to reach place which Mum accepts. If Mum asks to wear something Dad gets it for her and then takes it back at the end of the day. Not foolproof as Mum can remove it during the day but at least Dad knows what she had on and if they went out so there is a hope of finding it.
     
  6. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,985
    Toronto, Canada
    I gradually removed my mother's three rings. We actually had a very hard time getting one of them off.

    Early in her disease, my mother carried most of her jewellery in her handbag. It weighed a ton and should have been classified as a dangerous weapon. Even with that, she moved them around a lot and was constantly searching for them.

    I think the costume jewellery is a very good idea.
     
  7. Boldredrosie

    Boldredrosie Registered User

    Mar 13, 2012
    237
    #7 Boldredrosie, Aug 11, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2015
    My mother's jewellery has caused no end of problems in our house; in fact it was missing jewellery that made my late father get in touch with AlzSoc to see if her behaviour could be attributed to dementia.

    Sistermilicent is right. Decide if the pieces are hers (but you hope to inherit) or yours and act accordingly. I've already accepted that some of the Indian jewellery (which is the only thing I have from my Indian family) will be lost, mislaid accidentally thrown out as will the lovely gold bracelet my Dad bought her in the early 60s.

    If you decide to put it out of her reach she will complain but will eventually forget about the pieces.
     
  8. Zuzu72

    Zuzu72 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    19
    Thanks

    Thanks for the advice, I think that I'll try & introduce some costume jewellery gradually ( when one thing comes off, put a different one on) today she's managed to find yet another ring (not sure where she's hiding them) and yes she also carries them in her handbag (with her passport which I found), sadly one of the items I mentioned yesterday seems to have gone (with all the memories attached to it) but I have put the locket away safely (I don't want to wear it, just know it's safe)
    Thanks again for the suggestions, it's nice to know I'm not the only one with this problem.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.