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Where do I live now

Sunshine 1

New member
Jan 11, 2022
Hi my mum lives at home where she has lived for the past 30 years, my dad died18 years ago. She has live in carers but keeps asking where is she is going to sleep tonight as thinks she lives somewhere else - she often says she is sleeping in the place she worked at 60 years ago. I struggle to answer questions like this and also her obsession with pets that died years ago that she thinks have been taken away from her. How do I answer these difficult questions?

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
Hullo and welcome @Sunshine 1. Those questions are sadly familiar and common with dementia and it will be hard to hear your mum's confusion over pets which died. My partner has gone through phases of grieving over again for her dead mother. Reassurance, telling her the pets are staying overnight with the vet or something, saying she is staying with you temporarily while her house or the place she thinks she lives is being redecorated are the kind of approach that usually helps to calm the situation. This thread from a year or two back has some guidance and ideas which I hope will also help you https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/


Registered User
Jun 23, 2020
It is very distressing when this happens and you become quite worn out with being imaginative in diverting attention away from a subject.

Reassurance is the only thing you can give. I can well understand this difficult situation as my mother did the same thing and didn’t know her hime of 30 years was hers…she kept thinking she needed to cook large amounts of food for the Scouts and didn’t like touching things “in case the lady who lives here doesn’t want me to interfere with her things”. I never would have imagined how this disease develops had I not seen it with my own eyes.

Mum mo

Registered User
Jan 1, 2019
So helpful to know other people are experiencing the same things as I do with my husband , I've just replied to a post about sleeplessness as well. I wish I'd made more use of this forum before , it may save my sanity at times.


Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
My dad asked me how did he come to live in this house? I was taken aback when he asked this. This was over the phone and I am glad that it was because I don’t know if I could have hidden my upset. I calmly explained how he came to live in this house and fortunately he seemed to accept it. He has lived there since 1964 when he married my mum and brought up his family. It is such a cruel and horrible disease and I know that there will probably come a time when he won’t accept my explanation.

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