i know most of you are still struggling with the difficulties of caring for your OH at home and it wasn’t so long ago (6 weeks ago) when I was on my knees trying to do the same and not coping at all. But now my lovely husband is in a very good care home and I know he is being looked after far better than I could do but it hurts so much. Completely out of nowhere I still find myself dissolving into floods of tears. The first three weeks were horrendous but I did think I was now coming to accept the fact that he wasn’t at home anymore but obviously not.
it is like a bereavement, but it is also acknowledging that the situation with and around your husband is no longer anything that you can cope with, and that he needs full time professional care - that is so very, very hard.
In a bereavement people often say the " Time is a great healer" - it is not, it never will be, but the human mind is capable of learning to live with something that cannot be changed.
You will, in time, become used to the current situation - you will accept that he is not coming home - because you have no other option but to accept it. Then you will move on and make a different sort of life, that still includes him, in your visits, but is no longer totally about him.
I hope this helps a little - so I will tell you something......
When I was 46, my very much loved 13 year old, James, died suddenly. One morning I lay in bed and the thought struck me that for however long I was going to live, I had to live with this terrible unhappiness that was in my soul - and I did not think I could do it - but knew there was no option.
23 years later, I am now 69, and it struck me the other day, that I have managed to live through those years, I have done it. and that's all I can say to you.