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When will her suffering end?

ana r

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
6
0
Toledo, Spain
Hi - this is my first post. I'm looking for advice and guidance having searched the internet for over 3 days and read everything I could on the subject. I look after my 92 year old mother who first had a stroke brought on by a sudden and huge increase in BP about 13 years ago. Since then she's had a number of mini strokes and has progressively declined. She was diagnosed with paranoia (which the psycho-gerontologist told me she'd been suffering from since adolescence), and later with vascular dementia. the vascular dementia was diagnosed about 3 years ago. I guess readers will know all about this condition so I'll cut to the chase. Mother is currently being treated for paranoia (lyrica and quetiapine) and has been for the last 3 years. We've had everything: sleepless nights, hallucinations and deliria, UTI's, pneumonia, agression. For the last month she's been "off" her food and drink. She finds it difficult but not impossible to swallow, has bouts of agression, and wants to walk all the time. She is obviously very weak, totally disorientated, and repeats my name all the time. She cries for no known reason and is permanently agitated when she's not sleeping. She had a sixth mini stroke about 4 weeks ago which has left her with unintelligible speech, which now makes communication exceptionally difficult (it's incredibly frustrating not knowing if she's telling me she's in pain or what is wrong with her). She's under the care of an excellent team of doctors, but everyone tells me there's nothing much left to be done apart from keeping her as comfortable as possible. I have two carers who help me, one during the week and the other at week-ends. Apart from the obvious emotional rollercoaster, which I'm trying to manage as best as possible, (doc gave me some anti depressants a few months back) I want to fathom how lonh approximately mother has to live. Her suffering is immense, mostly psychological, and I think naturally, I want to see her at peace. Like many posts I have read on this forum, I want mother to let go...I don't want to lose her, but I don't want her to suffer. Can someone advise what sort of life expectancy she has bearing in mind that her condition may be compounded at any time with the emergence of another UTI or stroke? I've talked to the medical team about naso-gastric feeding tube, and we're all of the opinion that this would be a too agressive procedure for her, and as her daughter, I know that she wouldn't have wanted the procedure. Help....
 

Butter

Registered User
Jan 19, 2012
6,737
0
NeverNeverLand
Welcome ana r and I am very sorry to learn about your mother.

There are many people on this site who have experience which I hope can help you.

There have been several threads recently where people have been helping in the end of life care of family members.

There are many wise words here about palliative care: the aim is to keep people comfortable: free from pain and distress of all kinds.

When my mother was dying last year, I insisted (loudly and often) on morphine. Sometimes doctors in the UK are conservative with pain relief, for fear of being accused of not helping patients live longer.


You might get more replies if your thread was in this area: there are many threads on end-of-life-care here:


Later stages of dementia and end of life
(2 Viewing)



Nobody can give you a precise time scale as we are all different: once my mother was truly comfortable (she had refused all food and drink for a while) she lived several more days. Some people live on for two or three weeks.

I hope you find this website as helpful as I have done.
 
Last edited:

grobertson62

Registered User
Mar 7, 2011
581
0
Sheffield
Mydad took quetipine and was assessed regularly to make sure it was working. Increasing the doseage if needed
He too had many TIAs UTIs and lasted 2.5years in the nh
He developed a chest infection and stopped eating or drinking for 4 days before he died
Reading posts the timescales do differ.
Gill
 

ana r

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
6
0
Toledo, Spain
Thanks

Welcome ana r and I am very sorry to learn about your mother.

There are many people on this site who have experience which I hope can help you.

There have been several threads recently where people have been helping in the end of life care of family members.

There are many wise words here about palliative care: the aim is to keep people comfortable: free from pain and distress of all kinds.

When my mother was dying last year, I insisted (loudly and often) on morphine. Sometimes doctors in the UK are conservative with pain relief, for fear of being accused of not helping patients live longer.


You might get more replies if your thread was in this area: there are many threads on end-of-life-care here:


Later stages of dementia and end of life
(2 Viewing)



Nobody can give you a precise time scale as we are all different: once my mother was truly comfortable (she had refused all food and drink for a while) she lived several more days. Some people live on for two or three weeks.

I hope you find this website as helpful as I have done.

Thanks for your reply. I realise that everyone at this final stage differs, not least because of the compounded physical problems that beset patients in this condition. I guess I'm looking for others in a similar position to help me and to share with them. I'll post something on the appropriate subject.

Thanks again, Butter.
 

ana r

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
6
0
Toledo, Spain
Mydad took quetipine and was assessed regularly to make sure it was working. Increasing the doseage if needed
He too had many TIAs UTIs and lasted 2.5years in the nh
He developed a chest infection and stopped eating or drinking for 4 days before he died
Reading posts the timescales do differ.
Gill

Thanks for your reply, Gill. Sounds like your father was in a very similar state. My condolences for the loss of your father. Mother's gerontologist told me that she would probably die of a UTI or a chest infection. The quetiapine is being controlled and increased every so often. Thanks again.