When will care homes be open to visitors again?

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,481
That's great @Juliematch, so glad your dad remembered you. I've just written to the manager of mum's care home to see what the latest is about potential visits.
 

Louie16

Registered User
Mar 31, 2020
18
@Amelie5a
Thankyou greatly for the Scottish care article. It articulated how I've been feeling that the psychological and physiological effects of isolation are massive and also lead to deaths. I was able to what's app mum for her birthday last week , sha appeared very confused and weepy so it was really hard. Again yesterday on video call she was blank and appears very down , it's so distressing. I'm not sure I could cope with guilt of leaving her there and thinking of bringing her to our home. Has anyone else or know someone who has done so, I would be really grateful of any info and advice ?
@pixie2 I feel very sad for you, loving thoughts to you and family.
 

Richyrich

New member
Jun 29, 2020
1
That's great @Juliematch, so glad your dad remembered you. I've just written to the manager of mum's care home to see what the latest is about potential visits.
The Care Home my mum is in has just started limited visits in the garden. I went to see her with my sister last week and it was brilliant. She's been away from us now for about 10 weeks. Her face lit up when she saw us. We plan to see her once a week and combine this with FaceTime. Care homes seem to be opening up if they have gardens.
 

Mydarlingdaughter

Registered User
Oct 25, 2019
125
North East England UK
I was going to ask a question about this.
Mum is in a dementia nursing unit within the care home, since December 2018. I have not seen her since early March as the home went into lockdown before Boris told us to. On the phone with the care home last week I was told rellies now allowed to visit, we have to book a half hour slot and our PWD will be brought out to the gazebo.
Mum is not mobile and most of the time she is dozing. She has never up to now had a problem recognising me once I get close to her. She can get very distressed and talk about killing herself. She does enjoy the hand holding and hugs and I am worried if I go and I have to sit outside, wearing a mask, I have no problem wearing a mask and wear a cloth one routinely outside as it helps with my hayfever, however Mum does not know what is going on and I dont know whether it would be wise, could confuse and upset her... Also I am in shielding until the end of July. so probably would have to wait until August anyway... any thoughts?
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
388
Hi @Mydarlingdaughter . My mum's care-home has been arranging visits in their small outdoor area for a couple of weeks now. I have agonized over it but have decided against going.

My mum has vascular dementia and is extremely easily distressed (when she will literally scream - sometimes for ages - and it's very hard to calm her once she has started). "Normal" visits were always pretty hit and miss. If I were to try a visit where mum had to be wheeled outside, and I had to be 2 metres away, with a face mask, unable to hold her hand or comfort her if she became distressed, it would be almost bound to trigger a bad case of the heebie-jeebies. It would all be too unfamiliar and mum just wouldn't understand. Also, it would be almost impossible to communicate. Personally, I think this type of visit, for someone like my mum, would be worse than no visit at all.
 

Mydarlingdaughter

Registered User
Oct 25, 2019
125
North East England UK
Hi @Mydarlingdaughter . My mum's care-home has been arranging visits in their small outdoor area for a couple of weeks now. I have agonized over it but have decided against going.

My mum has vascular dementia and is extremely easily distressed (when she will literally scream - sometimes for ages - and it's very hard to calm her once she has started). "Normal" visits were always pretty hit and miss. If I were to try a visit where mum had to be wheeled outside, and I had to be 2 metres away, with a face mask, unable to hold her hand or comfort her if she became distressed, it would be almost bound to trigger a bad case of the heebie-jeebies. It would all be too unfamiliar and mum just wouldn't understand. Also, it would be almost impossible to communicate. Personally, I think this type of visit, for someone like my mum, would be worse than no visit at all.
You have described the situation very accurately. My Mum doesnt scream but she can start to say "I wish I was dead" over and over, again, in a sort of dead voice, she has no short term memory and can get very distressed. If I had to ask someone to drive me 25 miles (I know its not that far) and no idea how Mum would respond to being wheeled out to an unfamiliar area, in order to just be able to see her from a distance. I will talk to the care staff again about it but I am not erring on the side of going.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,481
I checked with mum's care home yesterday and one member of staff was saying no meetings yet. Today another said a garden gate meeting might be possible. I'd love to see that mum is OK, but not at all sure how it would work. I'm deaf and I can only hear mum if I'm right up next to her, two metres away no chance. I could get my husband, who describes himself as my 'hearing husband' along the line of a hearing dog, to come too. However I doubt we could organise a time that would suit them and us. I'm also worried that mum would get distressed, which wouldn't help either of us. Decisions, decisions.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
388
You have described the situation very accurately. My Mum doesnt scream but she can start to say "I wish I was dead" over and over, again, in a sort of dead voice, she has no short term memory and can get very distressed. If I had to ask someone to drive me 25 miles (I know its not that far) and no idea how Mum would respond to being wheeled out to an unfamiliar area, in order to just be able to see her from a distance. I will talk to the care staff again about it but I am not erring on the side of going.
Sorry, it all came out as a bit of a rant. I've been stressing over it too long! Have a chat with the care staff about it and see what they think. I hesitated to ask the staff at mum's care-home, as I thought they may try to persuade me to visit (I used to go every day - it's only a short drive) but actually they agreed and it turns out that only one one or two relatives have tried the outdoor visits in the past two weeks. I suppose if these are the only visits we can manage for many more months on end, I may try one .......
 

Mydarlingdaughter

Registered User
Oct 25, 2019
125
North East England UK
I checked with mum's care home yesterday and one member of staff was saying no meetings yet. Today another said a garden gate meeting might be possible. I'd love to see that mum is OK, but not at all sure how it would work. I'm deaf and I can only hear mum if I'm right up next to her, two metres away no chance. I could get my husband, who describes himself as my 'hearing husband' along the line of a hearing dog, to come too. However I doubt we could organise a time that would suit them and us. I'm also worried that mum would get distressed, which wouldn't help either of us. Decisions, decisions.
As soon as I heard about the possibility of visits I felt "expectations, guilty feelings".
At this stage my main concern is to stay sane and also to do what is best for Mum, and that may be not expecting her to do something which deviates from her routine. Just because we "can" see them, doesnt mean we "should".
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,236
Mum's home have already opened up for indoors visits - but only for those residents who are unable to go outside. There are strict measures in place such as only one visitor, once a week for no more than an hour, to be escorted at all times whilst in the premises and visits to be conducted only within the resident's room. Full PPE also has to be worn at all times (gloves, apron, mask) plus visitors must also adhere to social distancing too at all times. This may change subject to local covid levels.

I wasn't aware that all care home residents are subject to the shielding guidance regardless of whether they meet the shielding criteria or not. When did that guidance come out?
 

Mydarlingdaughter

Registered User
Oct 25, 2019
125
North East England UK
The guidance came out in March. It has been updated a couple of times.
The current guidance for everyone says "You must not meet other people indoors- including in their home or your home unless you are in a support bubble". That is the guidance for everyone.

I feel bad about potentially putting out confusing messages on here, I did get confused about all the different guidelines. My friend is in sheltered housing and they are asking residents not to bring visitors into the building, and I assumed it was because there are communal areas we would have to go through. For the care home, you have to go into the home which is shared by the extremely clinically vulnerable as well as the vulnerable. As soon as you go inside, you are potentially spreading the coronavirus breath cloud around the premises. Its because the virus spreads much more indoors than out, that they are allowing us to meet outside but not inside.
If you are in a support bubble with them, I suppose it might work in line with the guidance?
As the shielding guidance is advisory only I suppose its up to the home, if they decide that the residents can have visits for "essential care" it would be within the law.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
322
shielding may only be advisory it has probably saved quite a few people but those shielding have been in since end of march which my husband has been doing.he has severe copd and if he got it may not come out of the other side. if my husband was in the home, i would hope that shielding would be respected and only have contact that is essential for his care. he not but at home but still cant have people in the house but only in the garden. those on their own can form a bubble and go into another household. because we are a couple we cant do that but should have freedom on august 1st
 

Baker17

Registered User
Mar 9, 2016
628
The Manager at Mum's CH is saying no visitors until probably end of July!
I had a letter today to from Monday outside visits are going ahead. I have spoken to the managers manager about issues that may arise with social distancing as my husband has always greeted me with a hug and would be distressed if he stopped from doing this, also that he might be cold because he’s always cold. She said if things don’t work they are happy to look at the issues and do another risk assessment to help with my visits. So hopefully a solution will be found but I’ll try anyway. I’ve booked my visit for Tuesday so here goes.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,236
My mother's care home has not yet started visits, but @lemonbalm I feel the same way as you do. My pre-Covid visits were hit and miss, she didn't always know who I was, and I haven't seen her since the 12th of March so it's unlikely she'd recognise me now. Visits consisted of me going into the main lounge and sitting with her and doing whatever activity was going on. She would generally lose interest and wander off. If I was sitting in a gazebo wearing a mask she would not have a clue who I was or what was going on, I think she'd find the mask upsetting. Her language skills are so minimal now there would literally be nothing to say, and she'd never sit still in her seat for half an hour, she's always on the move.

The same would apply if they asked me to visit in her bedroom - she is NEVER in her room unless she's asleep, we never met in there and she'd find it completely odd and keep trying to leave. Until I'm able to visit under 'normal circumstances' I can't envisage doing so.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
322
its a simular theme when meeting meeting up with grandchildren. how to stop them running up and hugging nanny and granddad