When will care homes be open to visitors again?

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
352
i saw on the local news i think that a man had adapted a shower curtain between him and his mum and he had made sleeves each side so that they could hug without contact with curtain inbetween
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,243
Further thought...where would we go to the loo? I can't see the Care Home letting us in to go the loo. Does anyone have any ideas of what is the best thing to do?
They may nominate one loo for use only by visitors (not residents) and sanitise it after each visit. My mother's CH has loads of bathrooms and loos so that would in theory be possible. I wonder if visits will be time limited, so everyone gets 'a turn'.
 

Baker17

Registered User
Mar 9, 2016
638
I’ve only seen my husband through a window throughout this lockdown. This morning I received a phone call from his home saying he was complaining of chest pain and they had been advised by the GP to ring 999 as he has had a cardiac arrest in the past and suffers infrequently from angina. I went straight up and the staff had told the paramedics I would need to go with him to the hospital so as he would cooperate with them. They brought him out and immediately he gave me a big hug and said I’ve missed you. I went to the hospital, before I went in I was given a mask to wear. A&E was very quiet and the staff were lovely, never been fed so well in a hospital as a visitor! My husband wasn’t very cooperative with the various tests so after 5 hours they spoke to his GP and agreed he could be discharged because he wasn’t displaying any symptoms and the GP will look at his medication. We had a lovely few hours together, even having a dance at one point. I took him back in the car and he was quite alright with me leaving with the promise I would see him soon.
I found it rather a strange scenario that they were happy for me to accompany him but are reluctant to make plans for us to see our loved ones, so it was an unexpected treat to see my husband physically and know that he still remembers me so it has set my mind at rest for a few days at least.
 

Amelie5a

Registered User
Nov 5, 2014
121
Scotland
I found it rather a strange scenario that they were happy for me to accompany him but are reluctant to make plans for us to see our loved ones, so it was an unexpected treat to see my husband physically and know that he still remembers me so it has set my mind at rest for a few days at least.
Wow, what a way for your day to evolve! So pleased your husband recognised you and that you got to spend so much time together - though I bet A and E wouldn't have been your first choice for the reunion!

But you're right - happy to let you accompany your husband, but not see him at the home does seem a tad strange. And now that he's been out of the home for a few hours, do you think they'll try and keep him in isolation?
 

Baker17

Registered User
Mar 9, 2016
638
Wow, what a way for your day to evolve! So pleased your husband recognised you and that you got to spend so much time together - though I bet A and E wouldn't have been your first choice for the reunion!

But you're right - happy to let you accompany your husband, but not see him at the home does seem a tad strange. And now that he's been out of the home for a few hours, do you think they'll try and keep him in isolation?
No you’re right it wouldn’t have been my first choice but at the moment you’ve got to take everything you can get I guess.
They didn’t say anything about isolating him and we were nowhere near the COVID area as they have a totally separate entrance for that.
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,319
Further thought...where would we go to the loo? I can't see the Care Home letting us in to go the loo. Does anyone have any ideas of what is the best thing to do?
Well I have my answer.....no they won't let us go to the loo in the Care home !! And I have to be tested negative before they let people in. This is going to be introduced in a few weeks time . I am going to have to put myself a risk going to the loo in a motorway service station. Is this reasonable?
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,271
Are you referring to visits outdoors or inside the home? In my area test results are taking about a week to come back so you could be negative when tested but positive by the time the result came back! I visited mum in the garden on Monday - access was via a side gate so I didn't need to go inside the home. I had to wear a mask and maintain social distancing but no test was required. I live about half an hour's drive away so had to 'hold it' until I got home to use the loo which isn't good for those who are travelling longer distances or have weak bladders. Do you normally have an overnight stay when visiting your mum? Not ideal, but as you have a 7 hour round trip then you might have to think about delaying a visit until the hotels open.

Disappointingly, mum's face lit up every time she saw me pre-lockdown when I visited 2/3 times a week but now she seems to have no recognition of who I am at all, even when I lifted the mask up briefly. Video calls didn't work, and they wouldn't let me see her through a window, and I think that 10 weeks has just been too long for mum to remember me.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
416
I don't think I could visit my mum whilst having to keep my distance and a mask on. She just wouldn't understand and I don't think she would recognise that person doing those things as her daughter. It's just too unfamiliar and confusing.

Perhaps when you can visit complete with hugs and without the mask, your mum will recognise you @ Louise, fingers crossed.
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,319
Are you referring to visits outdoors or inside the home? In my area test results are taking about a week to come back so you could be negative when tested but positive by the time the result came back! I visited mum in the garden on Monday - access was via a side gate so I didn't need to go inside the home. I had to wear a mask and maintain social distancing but no test was required. I live about half an hour's drive away so had to 'hold it' until I got home to use the loo which isn't good for those who are travelling longer distances or have weak bladders. Do you normally have an overnight stay when visiting your mum? Not ideal, but as you have a 7 hour round trip then you might have to think about delaying a visit until the hotels open.

Disappointingly, mum's face lit up every time she saw me pre-lockdown when I visited 2/3 times a week but now she seems to have no recognition of who I am at all, even when I lifted the mask up briefly. Video calls didn't work, and they wouldn't let me see her through a window, and I think that 10 weeks has just been too long for mum to remember me.
I'm so sorry your Mum didn't recognise you. You must be very sad. She'll probably recognise you when you can visit more often. We normally stay overnight in a hotel since we sold Mum's house last July but then we see her for two and a half hours on the day we arrive and the same amount of time the next morning before we set off home again. So well worth staying in a hotel. I'll have to wait to see the actual restrictions. If we can only see Mum for a hour or so it's very difficult. I'll have to put pressure on the Manager to make exception for us.
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,271
Perhaps when you can visit complete with hugs and without the mask, your mum will recognise you @ Louise, fingers crossed.
I'm not sure, mum is the same with my sister, who pre-lockdown wasn't able to visit her as frequently as I did. I think it was seeing me frequently that made the difference and who knows when that will happen again? I've now bought a clear face visor to see if that will be better than a mask at the next visit but I'm not too hopeful . I did identify a foot problem that appears to have been left untreated for some time though so I'm glad I went as I've been able to arrange a GP appointment for mum, although not happy that this hasn't been treated earlier.:mad:

I'm so sorry your Mum didn't recognise you. You must be very sad. She'll probably recognise you when you can visit more often. We normally stay overnight in a hotel since we sold Mum's house last July but then we see her for two and a half hours on the day we arrive and the same amount of time the next morning before we set off home again. So well worth staying in a hotel. I'll have to wait to see the actual restrictions. If we can only see Mum for a hour or so it's very difficult. I'll have to put pressure on the Manager to make exception for us.
Thanks Susan. I was able to spend nearly an hour and a half with mum but as there will be quite a lot of visits to co-ordinate there's only one visit allowed every 2 weeks. Hope your care home will make a bit of an exception for you and you can see your mum soon.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,243
Thank you for updating us Susan. I hope you find a way to see your mum, it's so difficult.

@Louise7 I am glad you got to see your mother, I hope she recognises you next time. My mother sometimes didn't recognise me, but the next time she seemed to know who I was.

It must be hugely difficult wearing a face mask for the visit, quite disorientating for the PWD.
 

Louie16

Registered User
Mar 31, 2020
25
I rang mums home last week, not seen her 14 weeks now. I asked to visit this Friday her 92nd birthday, to see her in garden at distance. She's found what's app calls really confusing and has tried talk to staff sitting with her, not recognising me, has had mix dementia last 6 years. All residents tested ,3 weeks ago, 2 had tested positive but asymptomatic so they were barrier nursed separately although since lockdown they've all been kept in own rooms or on their own floor, no mixing in downstairs communal areas. Mum has deteriorated very noticeably.last week the manager said I could see her in garden but today when I rang to arrange time she was very reluctant as their cross infection training was this morning and she was advised that due to relaxation of public lockdown that all residents are even more at risk now from any outside contact, although this must be same for with staff going in and out. Anyway stuck to my guns and she's agreed I can go as long as agree to wear gown and mask which I've agreed to. What I am wondering is how they're going to move towards letting family see their parents as this seems a really cautious approach , noone else has Covid there and the 2 that had tested positive have had 14 days quarantine. ?
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
297
Central Scotland
I tried to arrange a garden or through the window visit today (because it is our 54th wedding anniversary) but the Home were having none of it. I took cards, flowers from our garden and chocolates, dropped off in the porch this morning. The zoom call came through at 11.00am as booked. I saw OH for a few seconds and then in cut out. They tried again another twice but unable to connect. Got a message saying that signal weak in the bedrooms but they will try again 'later' when the main computer in the office is free. So, I have spent the rest of the day stuck beside MY computer, but nothing so far. It is heartbreaking.
 

Amelie5a

Registered User
Nov 5, 2014
121
Scotland
I tried to arrange a garden or through the window visit today (because it is our 54th wedding anniversary) but the Home were having none of it.
I'm so sorry the home wasn't able to let you see your husband on such a special day. And then for the Zoom call to fall apart - as you say, heartbreaking. I really hope you were able to see your husband eventually.

Hopefully it won't be long now before you get to see him for real!
 

Joyboy

New member
Apr 29, 2020
4
My OH has been in a nursing home since last November. He has had Alzheimer's for four years and other medical conditions. Last September he fell in the local day centre and broke his hip. This was operated on and he was quite ill with delIrium afterwards and was in hospital for 7 weeks. He then fell and broke his other hip and could only be discharged to an assessment bed in a nursing home as he needed 24 hour care. This was a very hard decision but as I had a stroke two years ago and haven't full use of my left hand and the fact that I now have chronic heart failure, to care for him at home was not possible. I love him to bits and hate being parted from him. The Alzheimer's has gradually progressed over the last few months that any interaction is very limited due to lockdown.
Today is our 54th wedding anniversary so I asked the home if it would be possible to visit my OH in the garden. Unlike wifenotcarer experience. I was told that I could visit. Imagine my surprise that when they brought my OH out to the garden in his wheelchair he had flowers, chocolates and a card for me, provided by the manager and her staff. I was completely overwhelmed by their thoughtfulness and kindness. The card even had a specially written verse for the two of us. Unfortunately my OH didn't really understand what was going on. Although we did have a toast with the bottle of Malbec I had brought along. I feel blessed that the manager was very sensitive to my needs, to see my husband on this special day, and facilitate this. I feel very fortunate and grieve for wifenotcarers experience.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,923
South coast
How lovely @Joyboy . That is a very special anniversary and a precious memory.
Such a shame that not all care homes are willing to make that effort.
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
297
Central Scotland
I'm so sorry the home wasn't able to let you see your husband on such a special day. And then for the Zoom call to fall apart - as you say, heartbreaking. I really hope you were able to see your husband eventually.

Hopefully it won't be long now before you get to see him for real!
Well the promised call did come through at 5.45 just as I sat down with my tea. The zoom wasn't much better - kept freezing the picture and delaying the sound. However OH was in good spirits, laughing and apologising for having forgotten the anniversary (no change there, he never remembered until our daughters prompted him.) He did know it was me and called me by name, which was better than the last couple of calls when he didn't and finished by blowing kisses. Then when younger daughter came by to drop my shopping on the doorstep she also left a gorgeous bouquet of flowers for me, shouting from the gate that she knew her Father would have wanted me to have them. All's Well that ends Well.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
510
It's so difficult to cope with no visits. My mum went into hospital on March 22nd and I've not seen her since. She was not safe to go back home so is now in a Care Home which is such a relief to us. I was going to visit her today for the first time but it was cancelled because of the rain! I would be standing in the garden while mum was sat on a first floor balcony with a Carer. Even at that distance we have been asked to wear a mask and not touch the gate or any garden furniture so I was planning to take my own stool for the 10 minute visit. I've got a visor to wear rather than a mask so mum can see my face properly. But the balcony does not have a roof so I'll have to wait for a dry day.