I would love some advice on my husband moving to a care home. This will not be possible for a good few weeks yet I know but I could plan.
He has advancing Alzheimer's. At present he doesn't need "personal care" beyond reminders. He still recognises me and he'll recognise our children. However, he is becoming more and more confused - struggles to make sense of (and hear!) the simplest sentence, eg I have to say, "I'm going upstairs to make the bed" 3 times for instance and probably explain which bed a few times as well. He used to settle down quite a lot of the time with books and papers (he was a top academic) but much less lately, more apt to roam around the house. He obsesses endlessly about minor matters which drives me mad, can't work the dishwasher or washing machine or lock the doors at night, but he locked me out of the house the other day. (A neighbour was able to phone him and eventually he followed instructions to let me in.) Today for the first time he wandered out of the house while I was out. He did return but without his keys, a neighbour had to let him in, so I feel more trapped now, if I go out will he wander off? .
It's quite lonely - living with no companionship and yet not on my own. I'm not good company for him, I can't do much of the meaningless chat he likes. He says to others and sometimes to me that I'm the enemy, the source of the problems. I know this refers to his disease but it really hurts all the same.
As an interim measure I'm thinking live in care. views on that also welcome but I think the real answer for both of us is a care home.
I think that he'd really appreciate the company in a care home, having people to chat to, a more structured day and activities organised, I'm not so good at that. On the other hand would he be lost without the familiar house and all his books and papers? It would be easy if he needed "personal care", my red line, but not there yet although maybe he doesn't shower very often.
What experiences do people have of this quite momentous and difficult step? Is it better while the person still has some cognitive ability? Are Alzheimer's sufferers actually happier being in a care home, I have read that? I'd really appreciate advice.
He has advancing Alzheimer's. At present he doesn't need "personal care" beyond reminders. He still recognises me and he'll recognise our children. However, he is becoming more and more confused - struggles to make sense of (and hear!) the simplest sentence, eg I have to say, "I'm going upstairs to make the bed" 3 times for instance and probably explain which bed a few times as well. He used to settle down quite a lot of the time with books and papers (he was a top academic) but much less lately, more apt to roam around the house. He obsesses endlessly about minor matters which drives me mad, can't work the dishwasher or washing machine or lock the doors at night, but he locked me out of the house the other day. (A neighbour was able to phone him and eventually he followed instructions to let me in.) Today for the first time he wandered out of the house while I was out. He did return but without his keys, a neighbour had to let him in, so I feel more trapped now, if I go out will he wander off? .
It's quite lonely - living with no companionship and yet not on my own. I'm not good company for him, I can't do much of the meaningless chat he likes. He says to others and sometimes to me that I'm the enemy, the source of the problems. I know this refers to his disease but it really hurts all the same.
As an interim measure I'm thinking live in care. views on that also welcome but I think the real answer for both of us is a care home.
I think that he'd really appreciate the company in a care home, having people to chat to, a more structured day and activities organised, I'm not so good at that. On the other hand would he be lost without the familiar house and all his books and papers? It would be easy if he needed "personal care", my red line, but not there yet although maybe he doesn't shower very often.
What experiences do people have of this quite momentous and difficult step? Is it better while the person still has some cognitive ability? Are Alzheimer's sufferers actually happier being in a care home, I have read that? I'd really appreciate advice.