Today is a terrible day for me and I have been and am still on the verge of tears and have emailed the immediate family to say I can't cope and can change the position if necessary - it makes me cry just typing this as Mum was so upset yesterday and I really feel like the bad guy. So far there have been no major incidents but the fact she switches off the phone each night and does not have the capacity to realise that she needs to switch on to make it work, the fact she thinks people are in the house saying nasty things, the fact she thinks she has been to the moon a few times etc are all very alarming. I am on the point of undoing everything I have arranging and wasting close to £1K. The house definitely needs painting on outside as windows are starting to rot and she would definitely not cope with builders being around banging etc and would likely keep interrupting them or telling them to stop.
Trying to work with all this going on in my head is unbearable frankly and as I have said I have emailed the family and told them all can be changed and they have to decide as I have done it all for so long and apart from one aunt get no support from anyone. My brother just wrote yesterday and talked about Mum being upset and crying and last week that she would die sooner so lots of emotional blackmail going on from someone who has done nothing for 29 years.
Hi
@PRGirl -not a good time for you at all. Just want to iterate what others have said about moving to a care home. I always promised mum I would keep her at home. But there comes a point when it all starts to go wrong and we the poor frazzled carers can no longer put things in place to make them ok and safe. Switching of the phone is only just the start of what will be a progessive decline. I think as the main carer you are going to have to make some big decisions about care home placement, this isn't easy and I know I didn't want to go down that road with mum. But take a step back and look at what you have written plus you are anxious and stressed yourself. I think the time to place someone into to full time care is when they are increasingly confused, have less awareness of where home is and they are themselves anxious about where they are. As
@Bunpoots and
@Pete1 have said and I can also confer, mum was much better once in the care home and her anxiety had lifted. She is much more better than when she was home alone. Its a hard transition to make, but unfortunately it becomes the only option if you exhaust all others.
As for the house I would pause and think about having any work done, if your mum is likely to go into care then you will probably sell her home anyway, so why pay for any further work unless it desperately needs to be done. Anyone that buys it would most likely gut it and start over anyway.
I was in a similar situation with no support and a brother who just complicated matters. Sometimes you just have to put aside what others say and think and focus on sorting out the immediate issues, your mum and what the next best step is for her. I found that dealing with one thing at a time was better than trying to deal with everything and best to exclude unhelpful and unconstructive viewpoints. It will get better as you wade through this, be strong and let us know how you get on