Hi, I'd really appreciate some guidance with this situation;
Dad has Parkinson's with dementia, mum is sole carer and it's too much for her. No doubt it's an all-too-common scenario so I'll describe it last.
The plan so far is to sell their house, give mum her life back, and put dad in a home somewhere near me. I've visited a few and found a suitable one I think he'll like. By our calculations, the cash he'll have will last approximately 7-8 years. But, given that he's relatively young and, in most respects other than his brain, is fairly healthy, it seems likely that he could out-live that money. And that's question; what happens when that money runs out?
The fear is that mum and I could somehow end up liable for his fees which, it goes without saying, neither or us can remotely afford. This doubt is the main thing holding us back from proceeding with immediately putting him in a home.
The other question is, given that ideally we'd put dad in a home before selling the house and his finances will be eroded very quickly by care home fees, is it permissible or advisable for me to finance dad's short-term care home costs from my own savings and then recover that cost once the house has been sold? I'd rather avoid taking any loans if I can help it.
Mum and I both have LPA (finance and health and welfare) for my dad so I'm hoping admining the whole thing should be straightforward.
The scenario with dad; he resists taking his medication, refuses to drink, and is frequently paranoid, obsessive, delirious or catatonic. He has fallen twice this week, had paramedics round once, and taken to A&E the other time. He regularly wets and soils himself and then spreads the mess round the house with him; mum is constantly clearly up. Social services are coming in twice a day at the moment which is of *some* limited help - although there's also a considerable administrative burden (they're always making mistakes, especially with billing). And it's not like she can just ignore the fact that he's walking poo round the house when they're not there, so SS help equates to exactly no extra freedom for her. It would be a tough situation even if their relationship had been one where you might have expected her to give up all these years of her life for him - which it never really was. They regarded themselves as effectively separated for many years. But she's an intensely conscientious person with an irrational sense of guilt about the idea of not caring for him. And now her physical and mental health is suffering; it's up to me to sort something out ASAP.
Just to say, my heart goes out to all the carers. It's intensely humbling to realise just how many people are going through the same thing (and worse) as my mum, and it's comforting to find a place such as this with such helpful people.
Thanks
Dad has Parkinson's with dementia, mum is sole carer and it's too much for her. No doubt it's an all-too-common scenario so I'll describe it last.
The plan so far is to sell their house, give mum her life back, and put dad in a home somewhere near me. I've visited a few and found a suitable one I think he'll like. By our calculations, the cash he'll have will last approximately 7-8 years. But, given that he's relatively young and, in most respects other than his brain, is fairly healthy, it seems likely that he could out-live that money. And that's question; what happens when that money runs out?
The fear is that mum and I could somehow end up liable for his fees which, it goes without saying, neither or us can remotely afford. This doubt is the main thing holding us back from proceeding with immediately putting him in a home.
The other question is, given that ideally we'd put dad in a home before selling the house and his finances will be eroded very quickly by care home fees, is it permissible or advisable for me to finance dad's short-term care home costs from my own savings and then recover that cost once the house has been sold? I'd rather avoid taking any loans if I can help it.
Mum and I both have LPA (finance and health and welfare) for my dad so I'm hoping admining the whole thing should be straightforward.
The scenario with dad; he resists taking his medication, refuses to drink, and is frequently paranoid, obsessive, delirious or catatonic. He has fallen twice this week, had paramedics round once, and taken to A&E the other time. He regularly wets and soils himself and then spreads the mess round the house with him; mum is constantly clearly up. Social services are coming in twice a day at the moment which is of *some* limited help - although there's also a considerable administrative burden (they're always making mistakes, especially with billing). And it's not like she can just ignore the fact that he's walking poo round the house when they're not there, so SS help equates to exactly no extra freedom for her. It would be a tough situation even if their relationship had been one where you might have expected her to give up all these years of her life for him - which it never really was. They regarded themselves as effectively separated for many years. But she's an intensely conscientious person with an irrational sense of guilt about the idea of not caring for him. And now her physical and mental health is suffering; it's up to me to sort something out ASAP.
Just to say, my heart goes out to all the carers. It's intensely humbling to realise just how many people are going through the same thing (and worse) as my mum, and it's comforting to find a place such as this with such helpful people.
Thanks