when mum gets violent they send her to hospital… this time is different

[lushr]

hi everyone,
so mum has been violent and went to hospital overnight, was fine, and came Back to the nursing home. but was still violent.
so they sent her to hospital again and said, she can’t come Back until we check for UTIs etc see what the underlying cause is.

there’s nothing wrong with her physically, but she’s very aggressive and paranoid. and won’t talk to doctors or nurses

so now she is bEing sent to a special psychiatric facility for geriatrics. where she will stay for several days and they can look at her meds and find a better way to treat (and assess) her.

i spoke to my doctor and she said they might ask me to visit, but that it would be confronting, lots of old people wandering around with difficult mental behaviour.

im in australia, and i’m trying to understand what this all means, like on tv i’ve heard of a “72 hour psychiatric hold“ or “being sections”

anyone have experience with this kind of thing?should i go see her? i’m already scared of her, but if she won’t talk to doctors, she might talk to me….

 

[Helly68]

@lushr - this is a very tough situation. I am in the UK so don't know about the situation elsewhere.
My mother was sectioned several times during her life. This is usually done to ensure the safety of the person being sectioned and those around them. It is always a very difficult time, but we found that by being assessed in a secure unit Mummy was able to get the care she needed. I should say that she was sectioned because of Bipolar Disorder rather than dementia but I think the process and treatment are probably similar.
Being sectioned allows them to hold someone in a secure environment, where treatment can be monitored. When my mother was sectioned I was a child. We did visit her in the unit, which wasn't easy as there were many very ill people there, as you comment. My thought would be (and I am not a health professional), what is the purpose of the visit? When Mummy's dementia worsened and she became violent with care home staff, we considered a secure unit, and I was invited to meetings with staff to discuss this. Mummy was not present as she would not have been able to take part. The purpose there was to involve me in decisions (I had POA) and provide information about her earlier life care that they might not have had.
Before seeing her, I would speak to staff to guage her mood and possible reaction. If the visit is likely to be unsettling for you both, is it worth it? If they are hoping she will speak to you, that may or may not work. I tried talking to Mummy about her aggressive outbursts, but she just said the staff "deserved it" (they didn't), which didn't get us much further forward.
Whatever you decide, try to be kind to yourself. Guilt is very unhelpful and this is a really difficult situation. Keep posting.

 

[Grannie G]

My husband was in a psychiatric facility and visiting was indeed disturbing @lushr. He went as a voluntary patient so we were free to take him home when it became too much for him and for us so I`ve no idea about sectioning.

I hope your mum gets the treatment she needs.

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @lushr

I'm sorry to hear about your mum, although it may well be a blessing in disguise, a chance to really sort out your mum's medication and get the care she needs. My mum has often been very aggressive and sometimes violent but has never been sectioned. However, I am inclined to agree with @Helly68 about visiting. I know that you have found visiting extremely difficult under normal circumstances and would worry that visiting now would be bad for both you and your mum.

I think (I am not a health professional either) that perhaps it would be better for you to talk to the staff about how your mum is and not to visit. They haven't actually asked you to go at present, so take it a step at a time.

Keep us posted. This must be very tough for you.

 

[thistlejak]

We have had experience of 'sectioning' in UK. We were invited to weekly meeting with various health care professionals about MIL , it gave them the opportunity to ask us all sorts of questions about her and, to some extent us - what we were wanting as an outcome etc, and also for us to hear from them all ( consultant. Physio, occupational therapist and social worker) as to their plans. This was done in a room away from the patients and we didn't have to see MIL if we didn't want to. You might ask if they have a visiting room where you could be away from the others - there was one where she was but we didn't use it.
Hope this helps.

 

[lushr]

thank you all @Helly68 @lemonbalm and @thistlejak having what i’ve been told reinforced helps, knowing this does happen, and that you went through it and came out the other side is good.

we were thrown into sudden lock down hours after i posted, so they don’t want me to visit. it sounds like it would be up to me.
they have called for detail about her medical past and her personality.
she’s now seeing little people everywhere so they’re now wondering id it’s lewy body, or delirium, though they have no physical cause for delirium. yesterday the hospital was wondering about vascular dementia because of her violence and rapid decline…. she was diagnosed alzheimer’s…

in a way i’m relieved…. these people care enough to get to the bottom of this. and psych care is what she’s needed her whole life…. i always wished they just put her in a padded room, get her off her antidepressant meds, and start her fresh on something that works. where she can’t hurt herself or anyone else while she’s coming down…

and people are not expecting me to solve it. they don’t seem to want me to talk her down, this takes the pressure off immediately and makes me just want to be there for her rather than come up with dome miracle.

but i think i’ll avoid going if i can… the doctor seems really nice…

i hope they figure it out and make her comfortable. i almost hope she has a more aggressive dementia, it might shorten her suffering…. but i know that’s difficult for people to hear me say. unless she can be happily away with the faeries, i think this life is a dull torture for her

, and she’s just fighting to be heard and have what she wants. she just doesn’t have any capacity to understand what she wants is impossible,mit doesn’t exist, she can’t live 50 years in the past with all her siblings around her.

 

[lemonbalm]

A good opportunity to leave the professionals to get on with things @lushr and feel no guilt at all about not visiting. I hope that this all results in your mum being calmer and happier - and you too.

Just a niggling thought but have you mentioned the recent dental work your mum had to the doctor? It is probably not at all relevant but I can't help wondering if there may be some infection. Always worth checking everything I think.

 

[lushr]

wow @lemonbalm good thinking!! i forgot all about it.
how are you such a good human being? you continually impress me.

 

[Helly68]

@lushr - sounds like things are moving. I don't think they would necessarily want you to "talk her down". When my Mum was in either a very depressed or up state, there wasn't really any "talking" to her, she wasn't always reachable. It sounds as others have said, time to let the clinicians treat her. I hope they find something that will help.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

thank you all @Helly68 @lemonbalm and @thistlejak having what i’ve been told reinforced helps, knowing this does happen, and that you went through it and came out the other side is good.

we were thrown into sudden lock down hours after i posted, so they don’t want me to visit. it sounds like it would be up to me.
they have called for detail about her medical past and her personality.
she’s now seeing little people everywhere so they’re now wondering id it’s lewy body, or delirium, though they have no physical cause for delirium. yesterday the hospital was wondering about vascular dementia because of her violence and rapid decline…. she was diagnosed alzheimer’s…

in a way i’m relieved…. these people care enough to get to the bottom of this. and psych care is what she’s needed her whole life…. i always wished they just put her in a padded room, get her off her antidepressant meds, and start her fresh on something that works. where she can’t hurt herself or anyone else while she’s coming down…

and people are not expecting me to solve it. they don’t seem to want me to talk her down, this takes the pressure off immediately and makes me just want to be there for her rather than come up with dome miracle.

but i think i’ll avoid going if i can… the doctor seems really nice…

i hope they figure it out and make her comfortable. i almost hope she has a more aggressive dementia, it might shorten her suffering…. but i know that’s difficult for people to hear me say. unless she can be happily away with the faeries, i think this life is a dull torture for her

, and she’s just fighting to be heard and have what she wants. she just doesn’t have any capacity to understand what she wants is impossible,mit doesn’t exist, she can’t live 50 years in the past with all her siblings around her.

I felt exactly like that with my mother. I also hoped that some infection would take her in the winter, e.g. pneumonia - what they used to refer to as 'the old man's friend'.

Mum's last 3 years were definitely a dull torture for her. She never had a happy day and it was an utterly pointless existence.

 

[lemonbalm]

wow @lemonbalm good thinking!! i forgot all about it.
how are you such a good human being? you continually impress me.

? what a nice thing to say, thank you.

 

[lushr]

@lemonbalm there WAS an underlying UTI, it just took a while to culture…. she’s going home this weekend hopefully.

 

[lemonbalm]

@lemonbalm there WAS an underlying UTI, it just took a while to culture…. she’s going home this weekend hopefully.

Aha! Urine infections are the devil's invention for people with dementia.

I hope anti-biotics have sorted that out and that your mum is nice and calm. I hope you feel better too.

 

[lushr]

thanks @lemonbalm just knowing this forum is here to discuss the hard stuff my friends won’t get has changed my journey.