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When is the need for a care home the right decision?


Registered User
Feb 12, 2016
New to this site and I need some advice please:

My Father ( 2 hours away) and his partner both have various forms of dementia and at different stages. Whilst he is still capable of living a fairly independent life without the need of much day to day support, his partner has over a short period of 2 years progressed to a stage where he is now her full time carer, her cognitive thought process has gone and she is unable to remember very little and has to be instructed and guided to exist day to day and her LPA has now kicked in.

I became aware of this situation in October and have spent over a month with them to give him support. My Father is mentally and physically exhausted, with the constant needs to support her and keep her safe. This is compounded that she is not a relative of mine and they live in a remote area of the country with no services/amenities unless you can drive.

My concern is that my Father is 83 and having got Social Services involved, I have got the impression that they intend for her to live at home and just put in more care, which might be the right decision for her emotionally, but the continuing and increasing responsibility is having an impact with his own illness.

Please any advice on when is the right time for a care home? My plan is to move him (they have to move any way as his current house is not suitable so to minimise the stress - They are now living in two rooms!) Ideally I want him closer and to enjoy what time he has left and as there are current funds available place her in a private care home ( However these are quickly being eroded with her current care costs at a scary rate) locally to maintain contact with her.


Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
Hi Buckslass, I am sorry but I can't give you any advise but am just bumping your post so that someone else may see it and be able to help you.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
Radcliffe on Trent
Your father is also entitled to a Carers Assessment which will focus on his needs as a carer, as well as his partner's care needs being assessed. This might enable him to get some support (eg sitting service so he could get a break for a few hours).

It is quite likely that SS will want to at least try how carer visits at home for your dad's partner work before considering a residential placement, but if she is at risk and vulnerable then you would have a stronger case for her to move into care (if that is what your dad wants).

Having said all that, if your father's partner is self-funding then you do not need to involve SS at all. I didn't when arranging care for my mum. In some ways it was an advantage that SS in her local area were completely uninterested once they knew she would be moving out of their area.
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Registered User
Sep 10, 2011
hi buckslass. I see similarities with my mum and dad here. they've been together in a care home for 2 yrs now. their deficits and strengths are different, as is their insight into their dementia. before they went in, dad seemed to cope by living to a very fixed routine, only when they moved in did we realise how much he himself was struggling. although they're together, they're cared for as individuals in their own right. we made the decision for them before it got to absolute crisis point which meant we had more control. if they're self funding the process I guess the process will be easier.