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When Is It Time to Consider a Care Home


Registered User
Oct 24, 2014
My Dad has really gone down hill over the last few weeks. He doesn't really speak at all now and has double incontinence. He can still walk but is really struggling. We have now stepped up the carers that visit and they now call 4 times a day as up until this mum (83) was pretty much coping with everything. I'm concerned that we are doing the right thing in still keeping him at home. We all want him to stay at home for as long as possible but are we doing the right thing in making this decision. Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated.


Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
Would he be better cared for in a Nursing home?
They have the expertise and equipment to prevent bedsores, etc, which will become more of a threat, as time goes by.
There is also Mums welfare to consider.



Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
SW London
IMO it is when:

The person is no longer safe to be left alone at all

Family can no longer cope with the level of care and supervision needed

Carers popping in however often just isn't enough any more

The person is anxious or frightened or agitated if left alone for even very short periods.

Any or all of these, really. Of course there will be other reasons, too, but these are from our own experience of 3 relatives who eventually needed 24/7 residential care.


Registered User
May 7, 2012
I know its near on impossible but you have to try and take yourself out of the situation for a moment and really think hard on what is the best thing for everyone so that everyone can have the best life possible.


Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
Auckland...... New Zealand
This a constant thought in my head.
Mum was diagnsoed with AD in 2013 and lives with Dad in their own house behind ours.
Without a doubt if Dad was not there, Mum would not be abke to live on her own at all, even with us there.
She no longer cooks, cannot use the microwave, leaves the doors unlocked,has no perception of what is safe and isn't, has almost scalded herself getting into the shower without checking the temperature of the water first. On waking up she is quite disorientated even in her own home.

Bu then... dad with cognitive impairment has no coping skills, or strategies let alone patience with Mum. At times he can be quite nasty regarding her lack of ability to do things. Personally I think he resents having to do so much of what was mums domain, cooking, housework, washing etc but refuses home help.
He doesn't like strangers in his house. I can only do so much as I work part time, have 2 children and a husband with health needs.
So in this respect if Mum declines further, without dad coping with it, Mum would be better off in a Care Home. Pains me to say it :(
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