I lost mum in March this year. As many have said on this forum the initial shock and grief was dreadful and seemed to last forever. Eventually I started having happy memories of mum before her illness. By September I was beginning to think it was possible to start returning to the world and started applying for jobs and thinking about ways of getting involved in social activities, I even managed to feel sort of okay on my birthday at the beginning of September. Then at the end of September the local council who had been making noises about me having to move out of the adapted flat I had shared with mum whilst caring for her came up with a one bed flat for me to look at. Except, it wasn't just to look at, the insisted that I move in and move very quickly. Between 27 September and 1 October I was in a whirlwind of emotion, trying to arrange the move and frantically packing, I guess the urgency distracted me from the sadness of leaving the place where I had such strong memories of mum. Since I moved in, however, it has been like I've gone straight back to how I felt when I first lost mum. What makes it worse is I had neighbours who I could talk to or just say hello to at the old place but don't know anyone here. I know it will take time to get to know my neighbours but it seems so isolating. As for the finances, the cost of the move was massive, I still have a lot of mum's things which I couldn't face getting rid of under pressure and I now feel like I am slowly moving down a slippery slope. Most of my friends and family seem to have moved on and, to be honest do not want to hear any more sad stories from me and, to be honest it almost feels like I am being blamed for being so stupid and letting myself get into this position, maybe I was but I couldn't just sit back and let mum go through the hell of Alzheimer's alone. Anyway, whereas I thought I might by now be in a position to help others on this forum I now find I need the support and love shared on this forum again. There are only so many times a person can be shot down and, although I am a complete coward and could never do anything about it, I am at times wondering whether the long haul back is worth it and how much easier it would be to just give up.