We spread ourselves so much
Dear Bel, You have the support of everyone here on T.P. What you are feeling we also feel. My main concern is that whilst Peter is in Care Home I treasure the visits. When I leave there is such a void. Many times I have wanted to bring him home. I know he is in the best place but I try to stay strong for my 4 children & 6 Grandchild, one who is off the Irag, my eldest son has come out of remission from bowel cancer, so I as a Mother and Grandmother try to stay strong for them. I have just said good-bye to the 7 & 11 year old, after a week-end sleep over. I ended up on the settee. My Grandaughter said I love your bedroom to which I replied I no longer do. Why? Because Grandad is not here. I have been trying to change little things around in the home but why I call it home I don't know. Perhaps it is that during the 16 years that Peter & I have been married it has always been a happy family home. Come one come ye all children & grandchildren. Because of my disabilities I have very bad days and I know I am unable to drive to the Care Home GUILTY again. Frustration, anger you name it and we all experience vertually the same. Told you must concentrate on getting you life back on track. That is easier said than done. My visits to Peter, I am told I am the only one who visits regular. Some of the other patients recognise my face and think I have come to visit them. When they hold your hand and you look into their eyes I cannot just walk by. Then I get so annoyed that they do not have regular visits. Although it is not my problem, I take it on board. You are doing a brilliant job and never forget that you are careing for the person you fell in love with. Even if they do give us hard times, we know that it is down to the illness. Take care of yourself. God Bless. Christine