When dealing with dementia is easy??

[connie]

As individuals here on TP, there will always be differences of opinion. This will largely be determined by our own involvement in caring for someone with a dementia related illness. This is what defines who I am here on the forum.
Just me, my opinion.

What I do not understand

we read...we thought...we could not....we will forever...etc

who are all these people?

 

[JPG1]

Just the two of us. That's who we are.

 

[Hilary K]

"Yeah, my Grandma went like that"

One of the most difficult aspects of dealing with my Mum's Vascular Dementia is that people seem to think "that's what happens when you get old"! She's only 73 and in other respects fit and healthy. It feels as though they think I should accept it easily because "she's old". She's my Mum. Not an anonymous old lady. She lives in a nursing home after being married for 50 years and she can't understand why she doesn't live with Dad any more. People seem to think it is like being a bit stiff when you get up in the morning, something to be expected and accepted easily when you're getting on a bit.

I look up to and respect my Mum hugely. She's a fantastic Mum, wife, PERSON. She deserves every, tiny bit of respect and dignity she can hang on to as this terrible disease takes her personality.

Other people talk about their relatives such as "she's all there", "he's got all his chairs at home", as if they have been clever!!!! As if they have managed themselves so well that they haven't succumbed to being "dotty".

It annoys me to death and I hope these people never have to find out exactly how distressing and terrible it is.

In spite of all this my Mum is perfect however her brain lets her down!!!

 

[SkiTTish]

As a family we have the hugest repect for my mum the person ,mother ,wife she is and has been
BUT
As a family we have jokes now and then and have found humour in certain things that have happeend ,does not mean we care for her less or respect her any less .Just as a family ,humour has always been a way of lightening out hearts and helping deal with certain situations and I make no appologies for that

One example ,When my dad was laid in bed in his final fight with with cancer ,he was on a special inflatable bed to help ease soars ect . My sister was on her shift ( we all took it in turns so he was never alone ) and she needed to plug something in so pulled a plug out and suddenly dads bed started to sink .My sister panicked and ran into the corridor shouting for help because " the beds eating me dad "
On hearing this tale from my sister and staff on the ward ,we all roared with laughter .didnt mean we found it funny that dad was ill ,didnt mean we thought cancer was funny ,didnt make us horrible (in my opinion )
I just feel it is human to use humour to overcome

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I firmly believe it is always better to laugh than cry. I would have howled at the person-eating bed.

 

[Hilary K]

You are right.

There is difference between laughing within family, friends and carers. My family, friends and I need to laugh at and with Mum but I also need society to be aware of the darker side of dementia.

We have wonderful times with Mum, laughing at situations and things I never thought we would, especially during the process of diagnosis.

I know everyone touched by dementia knows this but sometimes it just isn't funny. May be I'm slow to deal with this and I'm trying to be positive.

 

[jc141265]

When I was leaving work early today to attend a seminar on dementia one of my workmates asked me where I was going so I told her. Then she asked 'Oh where is it being held?' and before I could answer as I am still not familiar with all the places in this city that I moved to earlier this year, one of my other workmates piped up laughing 'She can't remember!'.

I could see the humour in it, and perhaps I was in a less sensitive mood today, but I did turn around and said in just as jovial voice 'Sally that was very politically incorrect of you!'. I said it jovially, but I think it was also known that I was pointing something out.

In this case I didn't take offense as I know the person quite well and she is a nice woman, but neither did I just ignore the comment.

I think humour about dementia is like what is said on here about dementia. Every situation is different. Often humour has its place, often it doesn't.