I care for my husband(84) who has had dementia for 5 years as well as bladder cancer and a heart defect. He has needed more care since he had pneumonia in December and I (83) have been getting increasingly tired. Because he can wash, dress and toilet himself I dont know if a care agency could help. Last week I got weak (possible TIA) and he has been in respite since then.
He is not really ill enough to move to a care home but I am getting very tired. He goes to day care once a week so that he can have a shower.
The GP wants him to go into care but I feel very guilty about it and want to keep going. What sort of help can anyone suggest?
Why don't you increase the day care? My mother goes 3 times a week. She really enjoys it and I like the days off. I've spaced the days so that they're spread throughout the week. But she could go 6 days a week if I wanted. The daycare centre collects and returns her too which is great.
Also I have small ways to cut corners. I sometimes use nice ready meals instead of cooking or I cook large amounts, portion them and freeze them. I run the washing machine with disinfectant added in large amounts to keep things clean but avoid soaking etc.,
You could get a cleaner/gardener etc if that's affordable? You could organise regular respite and have short breaks away to do things that interest you.
If none of this is affordable and you are not self-funding then please make sure you get a Carer's Assessment to see if you can get breaks.
Also, domiciliary carers don't just do personal care. They can take people out, help them with activities or shop etc., However, it may be cheaper/easier to hire a sitter than an agency carer if no personal care is involved.
But maybe at least explore what's available in your area in terms of care homes, put his name on the waiting list and keep it as a plan B.
Most of all, please let yourself off the hook, don't feel guilty about a care home you've done really well and you definitely deserve a break.
