When can we see our loved ones again?? Speaking out for those who cannot

Wishing20

New member
Feb 27, 2020
7
The Guardian report resonates with my family. My Mother is a fit and active person who has Alzheimer’s, and because she cant cope with normal life is in an excellent care home, which has made a difference to her life as they provide the safe, caring and stimulating environment which she needs. BUT throughout her life she has loved the outdoors and prior to Covid I was able to take her out everyday, all her needs were met. Now.... she has been in lockdown in the Home for 10 weeks. I know the Home has ensured Covid hasn’t taken any of the beloved residents and that’s an excellent outcome... BUT for how long do you keep the fit and able locked in?? How long do you keep people who need their family away from them? Time is against the victims of Alzheimer’s, every day matters. We need The Government to address this and give guidance to the Care Homes. Who is going to look after our loved ones better than their family? There is a moral balance here which needs to be addressed as a matter or urgency.
Every evening that I go to my bed I think of my Mother and wrestle with the current situation., I feel for her, I wonder what she is thinking whilst she is in Lockdown, and I bet she is confused and wondering where I am and why she cannot go out and how long will this go on for.
Other people that are shielding can make a choice, it appears my Mother cannot!! and I feel helpless and distraught. We have to speak out for those who cannot. This cannot continue.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,828
I understand how you feel, my husband was in lock down too.
Some have chosen to care for loved ones at home, but unless we can do that we
have no choice, the uncomfortable truth is that so often the best care is in a home.

Most homes are making courageous efforts to keep people fit and well.
This situation is unbearingly complex, I do understand your fear and frustration.
Yesterday numbers spiked according to someone who works in the NHS.

I think we have to accept that we put ourselves in another's position as if it were ourselves but this is difficult as each person is different, we all react in different ways. After a few weeks more often than not people do settle and refocus to the new circumstances in a way their former self would not.
Some care homes are trying to allow future visits but with social distancing in place that will be painful too when all instincts want to hug and hold someone.
Try to be kind to yourself, talk to the staff.
Yes, I agree it is the hardest time we are all grieving.
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,145
@Wishing20 I suggest that you contact the manager of your mum's care home to ask about when your mother will be able to go outside and relatives will be able to visit as quite a few homes do now seem to be doing what they can to facilitate visits outdoors. Although current government guidance still refers to restricting visitors going into care homes there is nothing specific about restricting visits to residents outside of the care home, and the general guidance states that people can see a member of a different household outside providing social distancing is observed. There were outbreaks of the virus in mum's home during March & April but the manager has said that they now feel more comfortable about allowing visits in the garden and have also now received the results of the staff/resident testing (mum was negative).

My mum loves the garden and was taken outside by one of the carers on Friday - I got sent a lovely photo of her looking really well and happy. Her home has also just started to allow family visits - for those residents who are able to go out in the garden - with social distancing to be maintained at all times. There's an appointment process in place and I'll be seeing mum for the first time in over 2 months tomorrow. The manager advised that they are trying to strike a balance between residents safety and the importance of maintaining family contact so best to have a chat with your mother's care home manager to establish what their plans are.
 

Wishing20

New member
Feb 27, 2020
7
I understand how you feel, my husband was in lock down too.
Some have chosen to care for loved ones at home, but unless we can do that we
have no choice, the uncomfortable truth is that so often the best care is in a home.

Most homes are making courageous efforts to keep people fit and well.
This situation is unbearingly complex, I do understand your fear and frustration.
Yesterday numbers spiked according to someone who works in the NHS.

I think we have to accept that we put ourselves in another's position as if it were ourselves but this is difficult as each person is different, we all react in different ways. After a few weeks more often than not people do settle and refocus to the new circumstances in a way their former self would not.
Some care homes are trying to allow future visits but with social distancing in place that will be painful too when all instincts want to hug and hold someone.
Try to be kind to yourself, talk to the staff.
Yes, I agree it is the hardest time we are all grieving.
Thank you so much for your reassuring reply
 

Wishing20

New member
Feb 27, 2020
7
@Wishing20 I suggest that you contact the manager of your mum's care home to ask about when your mother will be able to go outside and relatives will be able to visit as quite a few homes do now seem to be doing what they can to facilitate visits outdoors. Although current government guidance still refers to restricting visitors going into care homes there is nothing specific about restricting visits to residents outside of the care home, and the general guidance states that people can see a member of a different household outside providing social distancing is observed. There were outbreaks of the virus in mum's home during March & April but the manager has said that they now feel more comfortable about allowing visits in the garden and have also now received the results of the staff/resident testing (mum was negative).

My mum loves the garden and was taken outside by one of the carers on Friday - I got sent a lovely photo of her looking really well and happy. Her home has also just started to allow family visits - for those residents who are able to go out in the garden - with social distancing to be maintained at all times. There's an appointment process in place and I'll be seeing mum for the first time in over 2 months tomorrow. The manager advised that they are trying to strike a balance between residents safety and the importance of maintaining family contact so best to have a chat with your mother's care home manager to establish what their plans are.
That’s so interesting to hear what is going on at another Home, I will speak with the Home Manager today and put these suggestions forward, thank you for the information.
 

Juliematch

Registered User
Jun 24, 2017
161
I spoke to my dads nursing home on Friday asking about a visit of some sort as it’s his 85th birthday soon. We haven’t seen him since 7th of March. He had a positive test for covid but miraculously had no symptoms. They have suggested a window visit which will be absolutely wonderful. My main worry is if he remembers us . He’s over 3/4 of an hour away so after 11 weeks of isolation it’s going to be quite a trip. It’s always worth asking the home. If I hadn’t of asked they probably wouldn’t have suggested it. I hope you get a get a visit soon .
 

Louie16

Registered User
Mar 31, 2020
18
My mum's home has been very strict about distancing, each floor has had to stay on that floor to walk round, or stay in own room . Mum has dementia and likes walking , seeing people all the time so it's been very hard and she's deteriorated quickly. ( On phone calls or what's app but thes have stopped last 2 weeks as 2 residents tested Covid positive but asymptomatic). I requested I could see her next Friday for her birthday ,92. I'll keep distance in garden just to see her and leave present. I also asked manager what plans they were making for reintroducing visits. They've started to look at options now possibly one visit a week per resident , booked ahead each floor on separate days etc. With handwashing and separate walkways, in / out etc .
Hope everyone keeps well and finds a way through all this terrible time.