1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

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When am I going home?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by maudie, Jul 12, 2006.

  1. maudie

    maudie Registered User

    Jul 5, 2006
    10
    Cambridgeshire
    This is the repeated request from my 81 yr old mum who has lived in her current house for 41 years. She was diagnosed 18 months ago but I should think it was coming on for the previous 4 yrs. Sometimes she thinks she lives at her previous house in London where she lived for 15 yrs and at other times her childhood home in Ireland. I know that no 2 cases are the same but I wonder how long this phase will last? Mum lives alone and my sis and I can reassure her at the moment by saying we will pick her up after we finish work. We then take her out for a ride or something to eat at one of our homes and then she seems quite happy to return home. Sometimes she cannot wait for us to pick her up and starts walking with a big bag of clothes and bits and pieces. Luckily each time this has happened a neighbour has seen her and brought her home, or she somehow manages to get back hereself. But its really wearing her out packing and unpacking! Any suggestions/comments gratefully received. TP is fantastic - this is my first message but I have been reading a lot of yours and the support for each other is great. We are all going through such a lot with this terrible illness.
     
  2. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    #2 mojofilter, Jul 12, 2006
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2006
    I'm having the same problems as maudie, my mum's been up for about 5 hours and all she wants to do is go home (she's lived in this house for over 40 years). I have to remove any plastic bags or else she'll pack up what she can to take home.

    I'll take her for a walk in about an hour and that usually calms her down for a couple of hours but I know that I'll have to "take her home" at least another two times during the day.

    Paul
     
  3. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi
    Yes its very wearing isn't it....I've learned from TP that "home" is somewhere in the past where the sufferer felt safe,happy,well etc....before the disease took hold,I suppose.....When mum was in her own home I used to tell her we'd go tomorrow....either too late to go now....weather poor....so and so,s arranged to meet you here and they won't be able to find you if you go home....its being decorated for you etc etc etc .....this usually did the trick for a while
    Mum used to think she had two or three houses "up the road"....in fact she,s probably remembering she has lived in other places...
    I use the same answers now she's moved in with us...
    Wendy
     
  4. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Oh...and yes mums always packing!
     
  5. Blue_Gremlin

    Blue_Gremlin Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    89
    Morecambe, UK
    We get this with Jean now. We turn up to visit her and like today bring her some shopping or her washing back and she says she wants to leave it by the door to 'take home' with her. We then point out that she IS home and after a second or two sees something she recognises and says 'oh yes I am aren't I'. It is very tiring.

    The first time we encountered this was may day bank holiday when her sister decided to lock her in her house cos she kept wandering off trying to 'get home'. We were then called cos a neighbour had seen her trying to climb out of an upstairs bedroom window!! We stayed the night with her but took about 2 hours to convince her to go to bed. She then got up at least three times before finally falling asleep around 4am. It is quite scary as well as tiring as she became quite agressive when we insisted she was at home. She would then realise she was and then turn round and demand to be taken home again.

    As to how long it lasts I don't know but after the severe episode the doctor put her on antibiotics for a possible urine infection as apparently this can make people more disorientated then normal.

    Sorry I can't be more help than just knowing what you are going through.

    Blue_Gremlin
     
  6. wendy43uk

    wendy43uk Registered User

    Dec 22, 2005
    64
    sheffield
    packing

    i work in a n home and packing in the night is very common if we put shoes on top of the wardrope this seems to help also bags cases in the loft my hubby has not packed yet bitr one day he might i hope this tip helps
     
  7. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    hi maudie,
    welcome to TP
    my mum went through a phase of wanting to go home a few weeks ago, but what weve found is wherever we are with her she wants to go! home or hospital, she dosent know where, but she wants to go!
    at the moment she's at a dementia hospital, where we take her for walks in a wheelchair as soon as we stop she says come on lets go now:confused:
    not much help to you i know but i think it is a stage we all seem to go through with this illness.
    good luck with it anyway
    take care x
     

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