When Am I Going Home?

PurplePoppy

Registered User
Oct 3, 2005
53
My mum seems to have entered a new phase now. She is now asking when is she going home during the day, whereas it used to be late afternoon and evening. I should say that my mum lives with my dad, and they have lived in their home for 14 years.

We used to say to mum that she was home, but now we say that she is staying for a bit longer. Dad says mum can get very agitated, especially in the evening.

Has anyone got any tips on what to say to calm this situation?
 

rummy

Registered User
Jul 15, 2005
700
Oklahoma,USA
HI PP

My Mom is doing that all hours of the day now too and also doesn't know my Dad from time to time calling him a friend and saying her Ed is in the hospital. She will call me wanting ot go get him and go home. I think the "going home" thing is very common and what they consider home is different from everyone. I just say we'll get Dad tomorrow, or we'll go tomorrow. It seems to calm her and then she forgets about it. I am learning to tell lots of little white lies that make our daily lives easier !
Debbie
 

dmc

Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
1,157
hi purplepoppy,

my mum has just started wanting to go home as well even though she was at home.
in her case she was admitted back to emi in hospital and had her meds tweeked a bit she seems a lot calmer now, is your mum on any meds, it could mean she needs them checking.
 

mojofilter

Registered User
May 10, 2006
130
St.Helens
My mum's lived here for over 40 years but she always want to go home (she want to got to her childhood home).

If I can't talk her out of it then I take her to the corner shop then return home... That seems to do the trick ;)
 

PurplePoppy

Registered User
Oct 3, 2005
53
Thanks rummy, dmc and mojofilter for your reply to my post.

Rummy - my mum obviously doesn't know who my dad is or me a lot of the time now. My dad says that if she doesn't know who he is, then what is she doing getting into bed with him:eek: I know what you mean about little lies. I've finally realised that it's far easier to go with the flow, and not constantly try to correct mum. Whilst some of the conversations are bizarre, she's happier.

dmc - No my mum isn't on any meds. Her doctor is putting off the inevitable as she is on other medications that will be effected.

mojofilter - My mum also says she wants to go home to her mum and dad.

I've come to the conclusion that it's best just to say she's staying for a bit longer, as she thinks she's on holiday. If only she was.:(
 

Kayla

Registered User
May 14, 2006
621
Kent
Wanting to go home

My Mum keeps asking to go home and I think she is living in the past and wants to go home to her Mum and Dad, sister and brothers, who have all died. This morning she was in great distress about her brother Eric, who was missing in action in 1942 and finally the family heard he had died in a Japanese Prisoner of War Camp in 1945. The waiting must have been agonising for a teenage girl working in London and getting bombed out.
It seems like unresoved issues come back to haunt victims of vascular dementia. Mum was actually quite lucid and I told the nurses that she was reliving a genuine memory. No wonder she is always crying! It does help to share experiences with others and realise that many people are in more difficult circumstances.
 

rummy

Registered User
Jul 15, 2005
700
Oklahoma,USA
Hi Kayla,
The book "THe Validation Breakthrough" talks about that alot ! Apparently that is something common to all dimentias. Right now my Mom is reliving over and over a dislike for my sister in law that happened years ago and she never got over. You might read that book, it has sure helped me!
Debbie
 

Lynne

Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
3,433
Suffolk,England
Asking "To go home" seems to be a very common symptom, & I think the 'home' in question is very often the patient's childhood home, not the recent family or marital home. I suppose to a dementia sufferer who is having trouble making sense of the real world of today, home of years ago, safe & secure with Mum & Dad, must be a very desirable (and understandable) wish.
Unfortunately, this "I want to go home now" phase often coincides with the patient having gone into nursing home care because they can no longer live safely in the family home, so this gives ammunition to the guilt monster which sits on our shoulders to torment us at every opportunity.