The last year since Peter passed away, I have spent so much time under the duvet.
What has kept me going has been my children and Grandchildren.
Lauren 16 year old Grandaughter, straight A Student has been accepted in Academy of dance, singing, drama. As soon as Lauren could walk, I was teaching her dance, singing and then enrolled her into a dance school when she was 3. At 3 she was in her first show dancing to Stupid Cupid.
Now 13 years on she was appearing a show last night and another one to-day. Where have the years gone? I saw one very talented (not because she is my Grandaughter) young lady on stage and I know we shed a few tears when we watch our siblings but my tears to-day were for Peter not being there as he had been from the beginning.
Now I am accepting that Peter is no longer here and I have to take those first steps towards the future.
With the help of my children and Grandchildren, I will declutter, have the garden done so I will have a low maintenance garden, and change decor in house.
As Lauren will soon be appearing in Sweet Charity I have that to look forward too. Lauren's special song is "Stand by me" as she said,"Nanny you have always been there for me every step of the way".
Received a letter from the Office of the Public Guardian this morning to say that unless any objections are received the Power of Attorney for myself and brother of behalf of our Dad will be issued at the end of July.
The only person who can object has told me she is not going to so all being well it will all soon be sorted out.
I am really pleased as I filled all the paperwork in myself and it looks as if I did everything OK. Saved Dad £400 in the process because he really, really doesn't like paying for anything even though he can well afford it. I keep telling him that this is why he saved his money when he was working - to make sure he is comfortable in retirement and he can't take it with him. Once we can sign cheques for him I can arrange a cleaner and gardener and tell him that SS is paying which means that when I visit I can be with him and not be working all the time. What a relief!
As Ray's cndition worsens I have been finding it hard to go on with regular activities like membership of our Lions Club and the dinners that entails. I posted how I had to rescue Ray from the toilet by crawling under the door at the last meeting.
So today I had made up my mind to resign both of us as it is all "too hard". Then at the Lions Club Changeover Dinner tonight I got awarded "Lion of the Year" for "fulfilling the ethics and ideals of Lions". Wow, I must have looked like an owl, startled and speechless for once! I guess I can't quit now.
I have had an awful week one way or another. To cap it off a student at my school (I am a teacher aide in a Disabled/Blind school) passed away and we have her funeral tomorrow.
Well I got home tonight after making arrangements with the teachers and other aides in the class as to how we will get there tomorrow etc. I was feeling very low.
I rang my daughter (she is expecting her third baby) as I always do to see how she was and she was a tad angry! My six year old grandson had sat there and allowed his four year old brother to cut his eyebrow all but off!
Funny how as a Mother that is not amusing but as a Nanna it is hilarious It made my day. Kim
Mum 12,500 miles away
I'm feeling a bit low today, so decided to see what was happening on talking point.
I was reading about Dementia Awareness week and start thinking about granny.
I'm not a regular user. I posted only once and was great. I keep meaning to come back but there is so many things going on... So today was my chance - day off.
When I first posted, I mentioned my granny is in Brazil with my mum (granny’s main carer
I get regular updates from mum on how they are coping and I feel frustrated for being so far away, unable to help.
A few weeks ago I was on Skype with mum and granny came to check on what my mum was up to. She looked at the screen and saw me, opened a great smile and said “Sinha”! I could barely contain my tears. It has been more than 20 months since she last recognised me! Mum always get her to talk on skype with me but usually has to remind her that I'm her granddaughter. It was such I fantastic moment.
On the same day, my mum was telling me how granny had been arguing with her reflection on the mirror. She was saying: " THIS IS MY CARDIGAN, GIVE IT BACK TO ME." my mum intervened: "that's you, this is a mirror". Granny wasn't convinced: " LOOK AT HER... YOU DON’T FOOL ME! GIVE MY CARDIGAN BACK... AH... SHE IS NOW COPYING ME, WHATT WITCH!"
My mum changed tactic, took a deep breath and convinced granny that was time for an ice-cream.
The highlight of my day today was registering on this forum!
I now don't feel I am alone in this world of struggle caring for my Mum and trying to cope every day alone knowing that she will leave me as did my Dad who also had this scary illness and died five years ago after eight years of battling.
Thank you every one for being there!
This is all so new to me and posting on a forum is something I have not done before....forgive me if I post in the wrong place and please guide me if need be!
Thank you Deborah and Izzy for your kind welcoming words it means the world to me to have contact now with others that are going through the same pain!
I feel happy today because I have time to write and Mum is safely in bed (She lives with me) and hopefully having sweet dreams about nice memories of her life in this house having lived here for 45yrs but most days doesn't remember that!
My life is my Mum and looking after her and my work to pay the bills, outside that nothing!.....I can't see or keep up friendships as I don't have the time or feel it's fair to burden anyone with my problems.
On the positive though I am a happy person who finds delight in all people that I meet and share my time with be they new faces or old.
the worst part about my life is having two parents die daily in front of me from the same illness and having to cope with the reality that one day soon my family is all gone as I am adopted and have no one else other than my Mum left.
Although it's hard, I cherish every moment I have with Mum, just as I did Dad, every word I say I believe somewhere in her mind it remains at least as a memory to her, that, gives me joy and happiness knowing I shared this time and I will never regret anything after she goes as I had "This Time Together!" How precious is that!?
What Love is this we feel for those we Love? It's true, real, never ending, undying, faithful, unforgettable and the strongest emotion any human can ever feel!
May we all stay happy, strong and hopeful!