Whats Your Opinion Of This

[Ladywriter1968]

A few months ago the care home stopped Dad from smoking as it made him giddy and they did it for his weak heart to. That was fine, and I said its good cause smoking no good anyway. Dad was fine with this.

Recently the hospital have cut down Dads pain killers since his hip operation, I dont know if thats a good idea really. And care home dont agree either with hospital on this.

The care home used to give my Dad a small glass of whiskey every so often as that's his favourite drink, and his pleasure, they try to give people something as to what they like. Dad would say to them, Id like a glass of whiskey, so they would give this but water it down a lot. Like on his birthdays and Xmas etc.

Now the hospital told the care home they cant give him whiskey or any alcohol no more cause of the meds he is on.

So of course when the care home told Dad he cant have whiskey no more, Dad remained in his room all day long and would not get out of bed or have a wash or nothing and simply refused and cursed the hospital for taking his whiskey away.

Its like the hospital have taken away his pleasures and pain killers really.

Do you think the hospital are being harsh cause now my Dad has nothing?
Or do you think hospital doing the right thing to protect him from harm with meds and whiskey?

There is a two way street opinion here really. My Dad is coming to the end of his life so maybe he should be able to have some pleasures before his time comes. Or go without to maintain what little health he has left?

I can understand why he has had enough though because any of us would be really fed up, if all our pleasures was taken away from us. Unfortunately for Dad, his was smoking and drinking.

What do you think then?

 

[littlegem]

Hi, I personally would give him the whiskey. It's cruel to take his last pleasure off him.
If it's watered down and he drinks it slowly.
What the heck has the poor man left to enjoy?
Research the meds and see exactly what would be the problem with alcohol, I mean how serious would the effects be.
Hope he gets to keep his little tipple.

 

[BeckyJan]

My husband is in a NH and a colleague of his aged 94+. He has drunk a bottle of whisky each day for most of his life. The Docs have recently said no more than 1 glass per day. His family, his carers and everyone else thinks he should continue to have his whisky albeit watered down.

This happens and he now drinks around 1/2 a bottle a day. I see his daughter and SIL carrying his weekly supply in and think 'good for them'.

I heard his SIL say next time you see the Doc tell him 'this is how I reached 94' .

Other than if it affects mobility and falls etc, I would go with giving as much pleasure as possible at this stage in life.

 

[ellejay]

Hi, I don't think they should stop your dads tipple,I would have thought the quality of his life is the most important thing here. Lin x

 

[sussexsue]

another vote for letting your dad enjoy a small whisky.

 

[matchstick]

It would be unreasonable to stop his wee tipple,its his only pleasure,i am a Scot,though.

 

[chucky]

Ive told this on TP before but for anyone who hasnt seen it, my grandad was dying, actually on his death bed and he asked my uncle (dads brother) for a drink of his favourite beer. Uncle went to get some and the nurse told him no, he couldnt give him it. My uncle, abiding by the rules didnt give his dad the drink. That was more than 30 years ago and to this day my uncle says its the biggest regret of his life, that he didnt give his dad his dying wish. He has never got over it . Let your dad have his whisky, what harm could it do now. Its probably one of the last pleasures he has, how can they can deny him that. On a lighter note, if my dad wants a brass band, 2 hookers and a magnum of champange i will make sure he gets it!! x

 

[Nebiroth]

It depends on the meds. Some of them are very dangerous in combination with alcohol.

It seems harsh, but hospitals do not introduce these bans without good reason. They are aware that many enjoy the odd glass now and then and don't deliberately seek to deprive patients of pleasures for the sake of doing so.

I would discuss this with either the GP or whoever prescribes the meds and see if a compromise can be worked out.

They may be trying to reduce the pain-killers because some of them are addictive - often the ones that are dangerous in combination with drink! - and others cease to have any real benefit other than preventing the unpleasant effects that arise from stopping taking them.

Usually they will try to move patients onto things like paracetamol because that is one of the safest to use.

Be aware that some of the stronger pain-killers can cause giddiness as well, and may cause increase sin confusiion etc.

My mum had a very bad experience with Tramadol (which is one of the pain-killers a "step up" from Paracetamol) - it induced dizziness, panic attacks and very nasty palpitations in combination with hot-and-cold flushes.

 

[Tender Face]

You did ask for opinion! Having had some very heavy ‘end of life’ discussions with different medics about my mum in the past – and whilst heeding Nebiroth’s warning .... I always come down on the quality rather than quantity of life side at late stages of any illness. Hospice staff were amazing at helping me see what a ‘risk-take’ it was to allow my mother any liquids or pureed food – let alone her beloved glass of Baileys or her ‘wee dram’ (or three!). A risk I was well prepared to take (not that it was my ultimate decision) to see my mother leave this life with some pleasure than be simply ‘kept alive’ for maybe a few extra weeks or months in denial of the last few things could give her pleasure.

I also suspect the hospital are ‘covering their backs’ – which they will. Of course, lots of meds don’t go with alcohol and they are duty bound to advise against it. They often see ‘medical’ and nothing more, and they have put the CH in a difficult place now to go against their advice caring for dad’s more ‘social and emotional’ needs with a ‘rules is rules’ attitude IMHO.

Have you got a Palliative Care nurse or advisor in place? I’d ask for someone PDQ (via GP referral if necessary or through the CH) – or even approach a local hospice who have often have advisors on these matters.

Regards, Karen, x

 

[Bristolbelle]

My thoughts.....

If my Mum wantd to eat or drink herself to death at this point I would do nothig to stop her. there comes a time when they have so little to live for that it is inhumane to take anything more from them. As for your Dad I would give hm his whiskey - in fact I would pour two - cos I'm rather partial to a drop myself.

 

[sussexsue]

If my Mum wantd to eat or drink herself to death at this point I would do nothig to stop her. there comes a time when they have so little to live for that it is inhumane to take anything more from them. As for your Dad I would give hm his whiskey - in fact I would pour two - cos I'm rather partial to a drop myself.

I know what you mean. Mum has mostly given up her evening glass of wine now, but I suspect she is at real risk of death by chocolate biscuits

 

[Ladywriter1968]

thanks for all your opinions and input here

I read all your thoughts on this and thanks. The care home are in tricky situation really. As they cater for the emotional needs and end of life with some patients, while as you say, the hospital only see the medical side and side effects not the person themselves.

The problem is, my Dad is now very weak and can hardly walk, and some one said if he is prone to falls. yes he is, he falls a lot, thats the problem, he even has alarmed bed now as has even slipped from his chair to. Where as even though some of the other patients may be more sick mentally and you cant talk to them at all, with Dad you can a little bit. But the others there are more fitter so they can walk around safely, sit and stand where as Dad cant now. As soon as he gets up, his leg where he had the hip operation goes on him and he is on the floor.

The care home managed to get him to walk a few steps though with the zimmer and a physio person is coming this week to see him and see if they can help him more. The problem is, he has so many health issues which may be why hospital is stopping lots of stuff.

Heart disease and heart is very weak
Dementia and confusion
He only weighs around 7 stone if that, he is 5F.7In tall roughly
He is extremely weak and thin
Back pain and spinal problems and sciatica
Bleed to the brain but hospital wont operate now cos his age etc
Pace Maker this being his 3rd one in
recent hip operation
He gets giddy and headaches and says some times he just aches
I think he had thrombosis before in hospital to.


When he was in hospital couple months ago he lost stone and a half bringing him to 7stones.

I do think he has come to the point where he has had enough now. He has to be helped in and out of the chair and bed now. Before the hip operation he could walk about the care home, walk in garden himself no probs. But since the operation at the hospital he has really declined and at times can hardly move now.

They got him to lounge to sit with others but he dont say hardly anything now. Where as before he would say a bit more.

Problem was, he started to give up when he lived at the house and stopped doing stuff. Just stare at the TV for hours on end. Not moving from the chair. Thats when it all begun. Then he started asking people to get stuff for him even though shop was just around corner. So he got weaker. Then when he first went to care home they got him doing stuff again which was good. He had his own key to his room as well. And could go in and out when he felt like it.

 

[Izzy]

I can see both sides ..... but.....

It would be unreasonable to stop his wee tipple,its his only pleasure,i am a Scot,though.

As another Scot I can but agree!

On a lighter note, if my dad wants a brass band, 2 hookers and a magnum of champange i will make sure he gets it!! x

.... and what a way to go! xx

 

[Amy]

Hiya,
I note you say that dad has had a thrombosis so he could well have been put on a blood thinner...does he have regular blood tests? Alcohol also thins the blood so the medics may be concerned about the compound effect.

Amy

 

[cragmaid]

Reading all this puts me in mind of the time when a dear friend of ours was suffering with terminal melanoma ( to digress, suffering doesn't really sound right because when this took place he'd just run a half marathon) and he asked me for a cigarette, ( yes I smoked then but alas no longer) I said are you sure????? He gave me a look which spoke volumes and answered, It won't make much difference now!!

 

[chucky]

Hello craigmad, my neighbour had had a tracheostemy through having smoked 60 cigs a day and was actually terminal, she still didnt give up the cigs and when she smoked, the smoke came out the hole in her throat!! As far as she was concerned why give up now because she knew she was dying anyway, What price a cigarette?

 

[sunny]

Your poor old Dad all his pleasures taken away, how damn depressing! just waiting to die

I think a little commonsense should be exercised here, with a drop of the whisky and a dollop of water as a nightcap. Rules is rules can be taken too far but there again if some relatives werent so fond of suing at the drop of a hat nowadays things would be a lot better for others.

.

p.s. I thought whisky "thinned the blood" purely medicinal of course.

 

[Ladywriter1968]

I think so

Hiya,
I note you say that dad has had a thrombosis so he could well have been put on a blood thinner...does he have regular blood tests? Alcohol also thins the blood so the medics may be concerned about the compound effect.

Amy

I think he is yes. as saw his records of thrombosis at the hospital.

 

[Ladywriter1968]

Dad and his whiskey

Well I spoke to care home and they said they are still not allowed to give him any. So they are just going by the rules of the doctor. A few years ago as well he had blood poisoning and his blood came out like water. But at the time was hospitals fault, a long story for another time maybe. I think he ended up having to have a blood transfusion at that time, but I am going back about 10yrs or more now.

The physio saw him and she said she thinks she will get him walking again, she is being optimistic but maybe not realistic. She said his muscles are wasting away. I cant see how she can get a man who is so weak elderly to walk again. You also have to have a bit of oompth if you like to want to do it, and I know that my Dad cant be bothered now. but anything is possible I guess.

 

[littlegem]

Just a thought. Maybe your Dad could have a glass of alcohol free beer/wine.
I give my hubby the beer when it's hot and he has never noticed the difference.
Sad about the whiskey, I can't see the harm really.