What's there, when there appears to be nothing left ...

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by kindred, Jul 6, 2019.

  1. Dosey

    Dosey Registered User

    Nov 27, 2017
    96
    So sorry for your loss Geraldine you were one of the first to reply to me in my hour of need. You gave Keith your devoted love to the end. You helped so many on here and also at Keith’s care home. Yes it is such a cruel disease. Be kind to yourself. Take great comfort from your strength and kindness to everyone. Please take some time for yourself before you decide what to do next. You will be sadly missed here too. Maybe in the future you will return here and support us all. Sending my love Rose xx
     
  2. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,472
    Everyone understands on here, not always so off TP. So that is what I love on here too. Take care of yourself. Xxx
     
  3. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    521
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    I was sorry to read of Keith's passing @kindred , now he is at peace.
    Now you have to think of yourself. You may find that staying with TP helps you, or you may find that it doesn't. It needs to be about you now and only you will know what is best to do. We will miss your knowledge and helpful posts if you decide not to, but as I said you need to think about you now.
     
  4. Juliematch

    Juliematch Registered User

    Jun 24, 2017
    79
    So sorry to hear of your loss.Thinking of you and thanking you for all your help and advice you’ve given us on TP .The Love And compassion you have was felt in every post. Please Take care of yourself.
     
  5. vmmh

    vmmh Registered User

    Jun 25, 2018
    72
    #125 vmmh, Jul 29, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2019
    Dear Kindred,
    I am so sorry to learn of the loss of your beloved Keith, blue eyed boy. Please take some time for yourself but remember we are all here anytime you wish to return. You have been an inspiration to the many people here in need of comfort and strength. Never forget how much he loved you and I do believe he is in a better place now and finally unencumbered by this horrible disease any longer. I hope my husband will join him soon and they can keep an eye on us from above.
    With love always
     
  6. Unhappy15

    Unhappy15 Registered User

    Feb 7, 2015
    130
    Dearest Geraldine,
    Thinking of you so much and your loss, you put into words situations that touched so many of us.
    Much love to you.
    Kathy xxxx
     
  7. rhubarbtree

    rhubarbtree Registered User

    Jan 7, 2015
    468
    North West
    Dear Geraldine,

    So sorry to read that you have lost your Blue Eyed Boy. You have put so much effort into making his life as comfortable as possible in such trying circumstances. Look after yourself now and come back when you feel able to help us all along on this awful journey. Personally, I have always been uplifted by your cheerful spirit.
     
  8. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,260
    Guys, thank you with all my heart for your wonderful thoughts, poems and experiences. Wondrous support, truly wondrous.
    How can I help you again? I mean, I can do a thread about life now etc but would it help anyone?
    all my love, Kindred, aka Geraldinexxx
     
  9. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    Just my thoughts

    You could start a new thread if that’s what you feel you want to do. I’m sure your words would help someone, but hopefully more importantly help you first

    You could just be a listening ear to others posting threads

    I’m getting the feeling that you are maybe feeling that you could be at a loose end so are trying to find “fill the time” for the future

    You will find what’s the right thing for you to do, whatever it is, but try not to rush. Take time for YOU even if it’s obviously difficult to do. I do know xxxx
     
  10. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,260
    Thank you. I know I'm hard to understand, know that, but I believe we, I have an imperative to help and support and use my experience and skills in all useful ways. Being socially useful is who I am. Never, I mean this, been at a loose end in my life! Found that a bit insulting me have to say.
    Gx
     
  11. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,790
    Female
    Dear Geraldine, I am so sorry to hear your sad news.
    I hope you do stay on Talking Point, I am sure you will continue to be a great support to others here.
    Best wishes
    x
     
  12. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,716
    Female
    South coast
    Oh Geraldine, Im so sorry.
    My OH has not been well (nothing like Keith) and I have missed this news. Although Im very late, Id like to add my condolences as well
    xx

    As to starting a new thread - many people have done this. Do whatever you think will be most helpful to you.
     
  13. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    Never ever meant to insult @kindred

    Please forgive my words that were meant to be supportive.

    I do apologise
     
  14. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,260
    And I apologise for being so Flipping touchy!! At some point I would like to feed in my experience of being assessed for CHC, which we were four days before Keith died and there was to be a successful outcome. I gained a few useful insights to pass on to folk on TP.
    Things like that really. Plus coping with grief which threatens to bring me to a paralysed halt at same time as all the official stuff, practical things I am finding helpful.
    Love and best, I came back on because I was so missing my mates on here!
    Geraldinexxx
     
  15. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    521
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    Your posts have always been informative and helpful, and I'm sure if you keep with us on here you will continue to help. You've been through so much, a lot of which some of us will also have to go through. You're also a very good writer and I've always found your posts easy to read and understand.
    It's been said in the past that contact with people on TP is good because we all understand what each and every one of us is going through. Whereas family members don't always understand what life is like now. So we are, in a way, like a family. So although you are now going through another stage, you are still part of the family.
     
  16. Platinum

    Platinum Registered User

    Nov 7, 2017
    67
    Female
    South east
    I am so sorry to hear about Keith. You grief must be intense but I hope you will take comfort from knowing you did everything you could and were never found wanting. You have the caring gene and I think Keith’s nursing home will miss you so much. Or perhaps you will continue to visit? I expect it’s difficult for you to sort your feelings at the moment. Any wise words from you will always be welcome on any subject especially those tricky processes like CHC. Your experience has been wide reaching and you have shared it in a delightful way on here. I hope you will continue to contribute but whatever you decide I know you will be doing something positive somewhere.
     
  17. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,472
    I am pleased you missed us just as we missed you.
    Yawning so will look in again, been dashing around walking stick and all to sort care on possible discharge.
    Husband went to A&E, so I am imitating a dervish on speed! Just fell asleep on IPad, well not literally iPad was on lap if you see what I mean. Pleased you are back, meaning is all. Xxx
     
  18. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    493
    Missed you and have been thinking of you @kindred.

    You are well-known here on TP and well-loved, so you do whatever you want to do! You have the happy knack of being able to transmit your warmth and caring through written words - quite a skill - so I reckon that if you just have a read on here, you will not be able to help but share that warmth and wisdom again.

    Take one day at a time though, and treat yourself gently.
    Much love to you and your family
    X
     
  19. summerlily1234

    summerlily1234 New member

    Jun 29, 2019
    8
    Sorry for late reply

    It helps to know that the struggle we have every day we are not on our own. Depression kicks in, and i dont know if its just me but i feel my friends and my small family just dont understand, it seems like im expected to carry on with my life now he is in the home, its like they think everything is ok now? I miss having him to share the depression which i have suffered with before he got ill , people say it is what it is! I know that but i still dont know how to handle this situation. He fell asleep when i was feeding him yesterday, every day your never sure what to expect. I want to set him free also, but i also want him here with me . Thanks for the support x
     
  20. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,260
    Sweetheart, thank you for this message. I am so sorry to hear about your depression. You say that you are expected to carry on with your life and everything is OK now. One of the HUGE things that helped me is the fact that the carers where Keith was are from different cultures, Polish and African mainly. They all honoured what I was doing, being with Keith every day, because to them it was what a good wife would do. BUT friends outside, English, were more of the develop your own life, move on etc etc which is not helpful. Keith was my life, while he was alive I didn't want any other. Of course you want him with you. Up to Keith's death I was thrilled to bits with a smile, just to touch his arm, anything. With you all the way.
    with love, Geraldine aka kindredxxxx
     

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