What's there, when there appears to be nothing left ...

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by kindred, Jul 6, 2019.

  1. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,216
    Female
    South coast
    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) Geraldine
    I m sorry this downturn has come so quickly.
    Mum was up and down in the final months of her life, but in the end passed away so peacefully
    I know you will be there for K, and he will know that you are there too.
    It is OK to tell them to leave if they want to, sometimes people need this "permission" from their loved ones.
     
  2. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,340
    I feel the final unselfish act of love is to let the other go, that is to allow to them to move on, with our blessing.
    We say to each other, 'whoever goes first to hold the gate open for me, I will not be far behind'.
    Of course, we know it will break out hearts, but we also know that part of each is embedded in the other.
    My own health is fragile too, it could be either, it always could be either healthy or not.
    I really believe consciousness continues to exist, in some form. Perhaps as boundless as a drop of rain returning to the sea but still there.
    Saying that it did not stop the animalistic pain and grief I felt the last time I was gently warned not to expect too much. Yes, he will know I am sure, it is out of our hands, sometimes Life has schemes we cannot imagine.
    I hold you both in prayer. With Love xxx
     
  3. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,178
    #63 kindred, Jul 16, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 16, 2019
    Here is a lovely poem. Thank you for all your help trying to track it down 2 jays. I finally remembered I work for one of the country's most prestigious research institutions and went to the library:
    Here is it is

    Gavin Ewart: the late eighties

    to her
    I am a coloured blur
    a just-heard voice
    as she sits there ...
    she hasn't any choice

    Life fades
    like on-off hearing aids,
    and in her sleep
    the realler world
    is dreaming, long and deep.

    (You can read the rest of the poem here)
     
  4. vmmh

    vmmh Registered User

    Jun 25, 2018
    71
    Dear Kindred, I stopped following via Talking Point for a bit of time and upon returning, was saddened to learn of Keith's status change. My husband also had seizures in the course of his disease. He had a spell of increased mental clarity initially afterward but it didn't last and he was both mentally and physically worse as a result. He is now on medication and hasn't had another one. I still have him at home but he is loosing ground all the time. With each change, I become upset and emotionally fall apart. Then he levels out and I do too as I adjust to his "new norm". Then we move on, going through the motions of everyday so called life. Surprisingly, I don't think of caring for him as a hardship anymore. I saw a TV program in the past where a young couple cared for a severely debilitated distant family member and they told the interviewer how they felt thankful to be allowed to provide the care. I didn't understand that at that time but have since come to understand. I feel blessed to have my husband with me in any condition and I still feel very much connected to him. At the same time, I pray for him to pass quickly and quietly. Then I can't imagine my life without him and feel guilty for asking for him to pass. I think this emotional rollercoaster is the worse.
    I guess the gist of my post is to say that I understand SOME of what you are going through with Keith's change and would like to send you support during this time. You have been a great source of support to me, and many others, since "meeting" you in this forum. I wish you strength and peace of mind as you enter this phase of the journey. Please keep in touch with thread updates as you can and know that we are with you, always.
     
  5. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,340
    So many of us coping by instinct, cut in two much of the time Blessings to Kindred and everyone on here.
     
  6. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,178
    Thank you so very much. I will be back in touch. Keith is on end of life care now. Went downhill again so quickly and yet on Tuesday we had a wonderful day, it took me two hours to feed him half a yoghurt, but it was such a close, intimate and loving activity, as feeding can be. We have said all we have to say between us and he knows I will find him. Thank you all so so much, I will be back, I promise. The support on here is just wonderful. Thank you for all your love and for telling me about your times and the ones you love. with love and deep gratitude, Kindred, aka Geraldinexxxxx
     
  7. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,597
    West Midlands
    Holding your hand tight xxxx
     
  8. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,340
    All my love and prayer, I hold you both in the Light. Alicexxx
     
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,434
    Female
    Dundee
    #69 Izzy, Jul 26, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2019
    How terribly sad.

    Wishing you strength and wishing Keith peace.
     
  10. campervan21

    campervan21 Registered User

    May 4, 2017
    173
    Thinking of you x
     
  11. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    116
    My thoughts are with you, Geraldine, sending you and Keith love and hugs xx
     
  12. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    230
    Female
    Essex
    sending a big hug and strength . Thinking of you . Xx
     
  13. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,323
    East of England
    I have followed your story with your dear husband and you have followed and supported us through thick and thin. All quiet thoughts and prayers are with you.
     
  14. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,507
    south-east London
    Holding you and Keith in my thoughts.
     
  15. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    4,591
    Scotland
    My thoughts are with you both x
     
  16. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    516
    Scotland
    Love and prayers are with you both x
     
  17. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    477
    Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers
    X
     
  18. Starbright

    Starbright Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    414
    Female
    Thinking of you both and wishing you strength @kindred
    (((((((((((Hugs))))))) A x
     
  19. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,372
    leicester
    Wishing you strength at this time, (((HUGS)))
     
  20. Hard Work

    Hard Work Registered User

    Sep 20, 2017
    55
    West yorkshire
    So sorry Geraldine you and your beloved Keith are in my prayers
    Love Shirley/hard work
     

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